The Fame Monster
by SoleixDeidara
Summary: Deidara has finally come out and embraced the fact that he is gay, and everything finally seems to be falling into place. His life is getting better, his lifelong crush returned his affection, and he is finally letting go of any past doubts. But after a conversation with Tobi, a guy who seems to understand him, Deidara realizes that things aren't always as perfect as they seem.
1. A New Beginning

The Fame Monster

Chapter 1

A New Beginning

"Fuck," Deidara cursed as the eyeliner pencil slipped and stabbed his eye. He quickly grabbed a tissue from the bathroom cabinet and pressed it to his wounded eye, which was already starting to turn red, and he hoped his eye liner would not be too smeared by the soft tissue. He inspected his black nail polish for any chips or peelings as he held the tissue to his eye.

"Damn," Deidara sighed, "I need to focus when I am putting makeup on. I'm lucky my eye hasn't swelled up to a freaking tomato—I've certainly stabbed it enough.

Deidara sighed as he threw the tissue away, and, with great care, he retraced the small breaks from the tissue touching his eyeliner. Makeup was something Deidara was still getting used too. It had only been two weeks since he had come out and said that he was gay, and, being the kind of person that went over and above the top, he wanted to look as dramatic as possible.

Deidara quickly dusted his upper eyelids with black eye shadow and coated his eyelashes in midnight black mascara.

"That will have to do," Deidara mumbled, glancing at his wrist. His watch, which was surround by numerous bands, bracelets, and chains, displayed the numbers 7:45 in bright aqua text.

"Great, just fucking great," Deidara hissed as he quickly slipped in his snakebite piercings, "I am going to be late, _again._"

He ran to his room, the one place he felt he could go to feel safe, which had numerous band posters plastered to the walls. "_Evanescence, Paramore, Lady Gaga, Florence + The Machine, and Nicki Minaj," _Deidara smiled, "Sometimes I think you are my only friends. I haven't met any of you yet, but, one day, I'm sure I will."

Deidara quickly threw on a black shirt, which he had cut off to where his skinny, flat stomach was exposed, with the Evanescence logo displayed proudly in the center, and slipped on some black shorts that came down about an three inches above his knees, his long, toned legs showing.

He examined himself in the mirror, fixing his overlong, blonde hair and pushing his bangs over his right eye, and he smiled. _Perfect._ "Sasori," Deidara called out as he slipped on his converse, "come one, we are going to be late!"

"_Again," _Sasori's near monotone voice complained, "If we are late one more time, Ms. Tsunade said she is going to suspend me."

"Don't listen to that bitch," Deidara laughed, as Sasori walked into his room without knocking, an action that only he could do so and keep his life, "She just gets pissy because she's PMSing or something. Besides," Deidara grinned as he tousled Sasori's bright red hair, "who could ever get mad at you?"

"A lot of people," Sasori grumbled, "Now can we leave? Text Konan and see if she is almost here." Deidara stared at his 15 year old brother, who was only a year younger than him. He was dressed in a plain black shirt, blue jeans that were slim around his thighs, and a pair of black vans. Sasori was almost the complete opposite of Deidara. Whereas Deidara did his best to ensure that _everyone_ was focused on him, Sasori tried to blend in to the background.

"On it," Deidara replied as he leapt over his bed, which had a Lumpy Space Princess pillow—one of his prized possessions—resting in the center like some rare gem, and snatched his phone off the charger. As he unlocked it, he noticed he has a new friend request on Facebook.

"Uggh," Deidara moaned, "this guy _again!_"

"Did that Tobi fool try to add you on Facebook?" Sasori said flatly.

"Yes, for like, the 16th time!" Deidara sighed, falling face down onto his bed. Deidara used to love Facebook, but, lately, he had grown to resent it. All it was now was a bunch of people posting how many weeks they have been in a relationship, or slutty pictures of girls, and guys taking pictures looking like assholes. Sure, Deidara dressed a tad bit slutty, but it ended with the clothes. It took real self-disrespect to stoop to such low standards.

"Just ignore him," Sasori said, "he will give up."

"Yeah," Deidara grumbled, "because that worked the other 15 times."

"Forget about it," Sasori instructed, "Text Konan."

"All right, sorry I got distracted." Deidara apologized.

**Konan! Are you almost here? We don't want to be late. **Deidara stared at his phone; the reply was almost instantaneous.

_**Yeah, I am like two minutes away. I had to pick up someone…**_

Deidara hissed in disgust. No doubt Konan had picked up Pain, her overly obsessive boyfriend. Why she dated that jerk Deidara had no idea. However, Deidara just sighed as he replied.

**Okay, we will be waiting out front.**

_** :D Be there in a sec.**_

"Sasori," Deidara called out as he heard his brother moving in the kitchen, "Konan is almost here. Meet me out front, okay?"

A muffled grunt was the response.

Deidara slipped his black and white checkered backpack over his shoulder. He began to walk out of his roomed, but whirled around and ran to his dresser. He threw open the drawer and began digging.

"Where are they—AH here they are!" Deidara exclaimed as he pulled out his black headphones with violet ear buds, another of his prized possessions. He slipped them into his pocket and walked out front to wait for Konan.

No cars were in the front of his house. His dad had left his mother when he was very young, and, as a result, his mother was a chronic alcoholic. She barely paid attention to her own needs, let alone her kid's. Deidara had been fending for both himself and Sasori for a while, but he didn't mind. Over the years, it had given Deidara strength, and, because of relying on himself for everything, he had managed to muster up the courage to come out all on his own.

"Where is—" Sasori began as a black Ferrari peeled out into their driveway. Konan was extremely rich, _extremely_ rich, but for some reason Deidara couldn't fathom, she dressed like she was homeless. Her black skinny jeans were ridden with countless holes, and her black and purple plaid hoodie was beyond faded. She wore only black eyeliner, about one eighth the makeup Deidara had on his own face. Her dark blue hair had an origami flower in it—Konan's favorite art form—and her violet eyes met his gaze. She had a single piercing underneath the center of her lips.

"Ready to go," Konan smiled. Deidara nodded, returning the smile, but his smile faded as he saw Pain in the passenger's seat, his short, spiky orange hair, nose ring, and letterman jacket infuriating Deidara instantly. Pain was the captain of the football team, and the only reason Konan was dating him was so that he would stop bullying Nagato, whom she had had a crush on since 3rd grade. Nagato was in a car accident at the age of 13, and his legs had yet to recover. Konan was constantly trying to get him to accept money so that she could pay for his surgery, but he refused. He was too good a heart to accept charity.

"Get in the back loser," Pain taunted. Deidara's nostrils flared, but he sullenly complied.

"You know Pain," Sasori stated flatly, "If you want Deidara so bad, why don't you just tell him. _Everyone_ knows you swing _that _way." Deidara silently thanked his brother for the insult.

"Why you little creep!" Pain shouted, raising his fist. Deidara was in front of Sasori in a heartbeat. He grabbed Pain's wrist and twisted it painfully to the side.

"If you so much as touch him," Deidara said darkly, "I will make sure you end up in the emergency room. Clear enough?"

Pain held Deidara's icy glare with unblinking eyes. Deidara hated Pain's eyes, they were so shady and impassive, never showing any emotion.

"Get in the back," Pain repeated. Deidara opened the door and climbed into the back seat, Sasori joining him.

"Don't worry," Konan said in an assuring voice, her face showing no concern of Pain and Deidara's argument, "We will get there on time."

She revved the engine, and they shot down the road going 130 mph.

"Are you _trying_ to kill us,"Sasori said, a little fear in his voice.

"Nonsense," Konan said dismissively, "I just wouldn't want my poor Sasori to be late. Now—SPEED BUMP—"

Deidara groaned in pain as the car collided with the speed bump, and Deidara was sure they got some serious air.

"I'm not worried about being late anymore," Sasori said shakily, "I'm worried if I will make it there alive—"

Sasori was cut off as Konan hit a dip in the road. Deidara burst out laughing as his brother, who had neglected to wear his seat belt, shot into the air.

"You know," Deidara laughed, "they mean it when they say 'Click it or Ticket'."

"Shut up," Sasori glowered.

Deidara smiled. _Who knows, maybe today will be perfect._ He felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket—another friend request from Tobi. _Or not…_


	2. Disbelief

Chapter 2

Disbelief

"Deidara!" Kakashi called, and Deidara turned to face his locker. He had been crushing on Kakashi as long as he could remember, and, every time he talked to him, he got chills. Of course, Deidara knew that Kakashi was probably straight, and, unfortunately, Deidara would never even have a chance to get to know him the way he _wished_ he could. He quickly grabbed his binder and slammed his locker.

"Yeah," Deidara said, hoping to god he wasn't blushing. He felt Kakashi standing right behind him and, reluctantly, he turned to face him.

Kakashi, as usual, looked sexy as hell. His hair, which was naturally white, was spiking off to the left, and he had a smile on his face—he used to always wear a mask, but, lately, he had been wearing it less and less. Kakashi wore black jeans with a tight black shirt that hugged his athletic build. His eyes, one bright blue, the other blood red, held the same intensity they always did. Deidara felt his heart flutter as he held Kakashi gaze.

"What," Kakashi asked, puzzled, "Do I have something on my face."

"U-Umm n-no," Deidara stammered, "I was just looking at your eyes!" _God Dammit! Why the hell did I say that out loud?!_

Kakashi smiled. "I know my eyes are great," he teased, "but have you looked at yours lately? You're getting better with that makeup stuff." Deidara looked down at his feet, his arms clutching the binder to his chest, to hide his blushing.

"I am having a party this Saturday," Kakashi continued, "and I wanted to tell you to make sure you are there. No exceptions, I want you at my party."

Deidara dropped his binder and his papers spilled out all over the floor. _Did he just… ask me out… to his own party?!_

"Umm, you dropped something," Kakashi teased as he bent down to pick up the papers. Deidara felt as if he were about to die. The binder that he had so carelessly dropped was his _art_ binder. He knew it had at least a dozen sketches, paintings, and charcoals of Kakashi.

"**_I got it!_**," Deidara shouted as he dove to his knees and began to frantically collect all of his drawings, drawing the attention of everyone who wasn't already looking at him.

He sighed with relief as he put the last one back in its place.

"Thank you Kakas—" Deidara's words choked off as he saw Kakashi holding a drawing, his eyes lighting up with surprise as he looked over it.

"You forgot this one," Kakashi said as he handed the drawing of himself shirtless to Deidara.

_I could die right now, and I wouldn't mind at all. A bullet anyone? I'm waiting…_ "T-Thank y-you…" Deidara murmured.

"No problem," Kakashi said, "besides, that drawing was pretty good, though it looks better in person." He winked.

Deidara felt as if he were about to faint. "I-I'm sure…"

"Well," Kakashi laughed, giving Deidara another wink, "one of these days you will have to see for yourself." He poked Deidara's binder, which he now held so tightly to his chest his knuckles were white, and walked off.

_Okay, that couldn't be real. He just… I could die._ The bell rang, snapping Deidara out of his stupor.

"Shit," he cursed under his breath as he began to run through the halls, "I'm late for class, _again_." However, Deidara wasn't really worried about that. His art teacher, Mrs. Chiyo, was delightfully insane, and Deidara, being incredibly gifted in arts, was her favorite student. Konan was even in that class with him. The only downside was that Tobi, the weird kid who wore a hoodie concealing his face all the time, was in that class, and Deidara was beyond annoyed by him.

"Oh well," Deidara sighed as he walked into art, "I have the party to look forward to Saturday. Tobi can piss me off as much as he wants; I won't let it get to me…"


	3. The Party

The Party

"_Sasori_," Deidara complained as he held up two shirts, "pay attention! I am trying to look my best tonight, and I really need your opinion." Deidara's eye makeup was _beyond_ dramatic. He had one of Lady Gaga's signature extreme cat eye styles, the points of the eyeliner a good inch long, and he had subtle violet eye shadow on with black eye shadow outlining it. His lips were coated with black lipstick, making his pale skin look startlingly white.

"Umm…" Sasori said blankly, "wear the one with Catwoman on it. She is the _greatest_ thief of all time!"

"I concede to that…" Deidara agreed as he slipped on the tight black shirt that hugged his small frame. The shirt went down to just below his waist. It was perfect.

"Now," Deidara announced, "Should I wear shorts or skinny jeans?" Deidara loved skinny jeans. He had countless pairs in countless colors, mainly because his job at Hot Topic gave him access to extraordinary discounts.

"Well," Sasori began, "It _is _a party, and you will probably be dancing, so…. Shorts!"

Deidara complied and slipped on a pair of black jean shorts that went down about two inches below his shirt.

"Now for my trusty converse and I think I am good to go."

"Can I leave now?" Sasori whined.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah, parties are… lame. Too many people ya know. I _hate_ people," Sasori sighed, "Now can I leave?"

"Yes, and don't let the door hit you on the way out," Deidara teased.

"I will do my best."

Deidara walked over and turned his straightener on. Since he had a little time before it heated up, he plopped himself down on his bed and checked his phone.

(**Tobi has requested you as a friend)**_Ignore!_

(**361-492-8755) ****_Are you going to come to the party?_**

** Who is this?**

_**Kakashi ;) I hope you are coming.**_

Deidara smiled. **Of course I am coming. What time does it start?**

_**Not for another hour or so, but, you can come over early if you want. Who knows, maybe I need a little help setting up.**_

Deidara felt his heart begin to beat faster. **Umm, okay I will be over in a little.**

Deidara looked out his window. His mother's car sat in the driveway, a black BMW—a gift from his father when they were still in love. Deidara snuck into the kitchen and grabbed her keys off the counter. He had his license, he just never had a car available, and his mother, probably wasted off her ass, was no doubt sleeping her hangover away in her room. _Who cares if she gets pissed? She will forget about it the next night when she gets drunk._

He closed the front door silently and slipped into the car. He put the keys in the ignition, started it, hoping that it wasn't too loud, and pulled out of his driveway.

"This will be… interesting," Deidara breathed as he headed off towards Kakashi's house.

"I'm glad you could make it here so early," Kakashi laughed as Deidara walked in, "Oh, and nice makeup. You've outdone yourself; it looks really stunning."

Deidara felt his cheeks burning. "Thank you .It was nothing really. I-I just wanted it to be special for this party…"

Kakashi caught Deidara completely off guard as he cornered him against the wall. "Let me rephrase that," he said intensely, "you look _very_ sexy."

Deidara felt his heart skip at least two beats. "Y-You t-think I-I'm sexy?" Kakashi placed one hand on the wall next to Deidara's head.

"Would I waste my breath?" Kakashi smirked.

"It's just that… I never expected that you would actually, you know, talk to me… like this…" Deidara whispered.

"Why, you think I'm too good for you?" Kakashi laughed, "You are perfect the way you are, and I think you are really great."

"I-I don't know what to say…" Deidara murmured

"How about you say, 'I think you are really great too Kakashi'," Kakashi teased.

Deidara laughed, "Okay I—"

"Kakashi!" Sakura's annoying voice rang out as she burst through the door, "I am here! I know I am a little early, butttt I..." Her voice trailed off as she saw Deidara next to Kakashi.

Kakashi practically leaped away from Deidara and walked over to hug Sakura.

"I'm glad you could make it." He smiled. Deidara felt a nasty ping go through him. _He totally just disregarded me… but maybe he just doesn't want everyone to know he's bisexual…_ Deidara stared at Sakura, and she shot him a cold glare. Her eyes clearly said, 'Back off or there will be hell to pay.'

"Deidara," Sakura said with a smile, disgusting Deidara with her fakeness, "would you go get Kakashi and I a drink. I'll help him finish setting up." Deidara didn't move. "Please," She said through grit teeth.

"Oh my," Deidara exclaimed, "If it would please you your bitchiness." Deidara did a small bow and exited the room.

Deidara jerked open the fridge door and pulled out some water. _Wait… I have an idea. _He rummaged through the cabinets until he found two cups. He opened the freezer and got some ice cubes, putting a few ice cubes in Kakashi's cup, but filling Sakura's with nothing but ice. He then poured water into Kakashi's cup and, the drinks in hand, walked back out into the living room.

"Here you go," Deidara said sweetly, handing them their drinks.

"Thank yo—hey this is just a cup of ice. What the hell do you think you are doing?" Sakura whined

"Oh, I figured since you are such hot shit you would need to cool off," Deidara said innocently, "if you don't like it, you can drag your fat ass into the kitchen and pour your _own_ drink."

Sakura glared at him and stomped off toward the kitchen.

"Sorry about that," Kakashi laughed, "she gets a little crazy sometimes."

"Whatever," Deidara sighed, "As long as I don't have to talk to her for the rest of the night, I am fine." As he finished speaking, he felt his phone vibrate.

"Hold on one second," Deidara said. Kakashi sat down on the couch as Deidara pulled out his phone.

**(361-562-9215) ****_Hey, it's Tobi. I know you don't really like me, but I wanted to know if you were going to the party tonight?_**

**How did you get my number you little creep?!**

**_I have my ways. ;) but, I actually have a question._**

**I'm not talking to you.**

**_Why do you wear so much makeup? It's like you're trying to hide yourself. You really should go more natural. _**

They words struck a chord in Deidara, but he ignored it. _That guy doesn't know me. Don't let it get to you!_

**Why do you wear that hoodie all the time? I'll tell you why, because you can't handle the truth that you are just an annoying little creep! Leave me alone!**

Deidara put his phone on silent and shoved it back in his back pocket.

"Who was that," Kakashi laughed, motioning Deidara to sit by him. Deidara complied and sat on the couch next to him.

"No one important," Deidara smiled.

"Oh, okay," Kakashi laughed and the door handle began to turn, "Oh, it looks like everyone is arriving. Excuse me."

Kakashi got up from the couch and went to the door to greet everyone. Deidara took this time to check his phone.

**_I'll tell you what. If you are willing to limit your makeup to just eyeliner, I will take off the hoodie. Maybe we could even go out somewhere, sometime._**

** Yeah, and maybe I will burn down the school with everyone in it. To me, the second choice is more favorable.**

**_You don't even know me, and yet you judge me? If you could look past your ego for just a moment, you might figure out that you are getting involved with the wrong group. _**

**Look, kid. I may not be "perfect" but I know my place. I think it's time you learned yours, okay. Now, please I…** Deidara felt a sudden twinge of pity. _Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. After all, I don't know who he is. _**Will see you at the party. Sorry for being harsh. **

**_ Don't mention it. : ) I will be there a little late. I don't get off work for another 30 minutes. Maybe you and I could dance when I get there?_**

**You're pushing it. Bye.**

Deidara shoved his phone back into his pocket. _Great, now I have given him hope that I might actually talk to him._

"Deidara," Konan called out. As soon as he stood up, he felt someone tackle him to the ground. Deidara blinked and found himself staring into Konan's bright violet eyes.

"Hello to you to," Deidara laughed as Konan helped him to his feet, "I am so glad you could make it—oh… hello Pain." Deidara purposely hissed as he said the his name, hoping his venomous tone would give Pain the hint.

"Shut up," Pain growled, "You're lucky you're close with Konan, or I would already have sent you to the emergency room."

"Yeah, I'll be waiting for the day _you_ send me anywhere other than jail, for killing you of course."

"You little bitch," Pain cursed. He tried to land a punch on Deidara, but he dodged it and grabbed Pain's arm, digging his teeth into his skin.

"Let go of me you little freak," Pain shrieked.

"Deidara," Konan said quietly, "You can let go."

"Fine," Deidara complied, "but only for you Konan."

Pain flashed Deidara a look of hatred before grabbing Konan by the wrist and dragging her to some other room in the house. _Good riddance. _

"Hey, Deidara," Kakashi called, "the DJ is almost here, and I wanted to know if you would dance with me?"

"Umm, sure." Deidara said, trying to hide his excitement. _Kakashi wants __**me**__ to dance with __**him.**__ Could this get any more perfect?_

"Well then get your ass over here," Kakashi said with a wink. Deidara walked over to him and Kakashi slipped one arm around his waist.

"Aren't you worried these people will see you?" Deidara whispered.

"I could care less what _anyone_ thinks of me. It's not like any of these people are going to matter after High School, right? Well, maybe everyone but you…"

"I—," Deidara began.

"The DJ is here," Temari, the only non-slutty girl Deidara knew, called out.

"About time," Kakashi whispered in Deidara's ear, "I was getting restless."

"Alright," DJ Tayuya, the popular DJ from the Land of Hidden Sound—a music company—began, "Let's get dis partay started right!"

**_"Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, STOP NOW MAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKER HAMMERTIME."_**

**_ "Wobbely Wobbley Wop, Wobble Wobbin, Ass so Fat all these Bitch Pussies is Throbbin."_**

"Nicki Minaj," Deidara breathed. Nicki Minaj was one of his all-time favorite artists; if he ever heard one of her songs, he felt compelled to dance and had no choice but to become a slave to the beat.

"I take it you like this song?" Kakashi laughed as Deidara burst into dance.

"Ummm," Deidara said awkwardly, halting his dancing, "Sorry, I get a little carried away with her songs."

"No problem," Kakashi laughed, "in fact keep doing what you're doing, I will follow you."

Deidara nodded and began to dance, his hips swiveling back and forth, and, as he danced, he became aware that Kakashi was standing right behind him, so close he could feel his body pressing into his own.

_Is he… grinding on me?_ Deidara felt his heart skip a beat. He looked back and saw Kakashi staring at him, a mischievous grin on his face.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Kakashi purred, "To upfront for you?"

Deidara smiled back, "No, if you can keep up." Deidara walked over to Tayuya.

"Can you play something… a little more intimate?" Deidara asked.

"Don't worry," Tayuya winked, "I got your back."

"Thank you," Deidara called as he walked back to Kakashi.

**_"Some girls won't dance to the beat of the track…"_**

**_ "She won't walk away, but she won't look back…"_**

**_ "She looks good, but her boyfriend says, she's a mess, she's a mess_**

"You're right," Kakashi breathed as Deidara leaned back into Kakashi's hips, "this is much better. Honestly, I never would have guessed you were a Lady Gaga fan."

"Actually," Deidara teased, "It is called being a little monster. But, I forgive you," Deidara leaned deeper into Kakashi, "I could never be mad at you."

Kakashi wrapped his arms around Deidara's waist, pulling him even closer, "I'm glad. You know, you could always stick around after the party…"

"But why would I…" Deidara's words choked off as he understood the true meaning of Kakashi's words.

"Who knows," Kakashi whispered into his ear, "I might be able to make it worth it." Kakashi grabbed Deidara's hips tightly and began to sway.

**_"Now the girl is stressed. She's a mess. She's a mess. She's a mess."_**

**_ "Baby loves to dance in the dark, cause when he looking she falls apart. Baby loves to dance, loves to dance in the dark…"_**

"Kakashi," Deidara began, but he stopped as he felt his phone vibrate, "Nevermind. Will you excuse me for one second?"

Kakashi frowned, "Aww, are you sure you have to go? Can't you dance for just a little longer?"

"I will only be a minute," Deidara promised, "I just need to check my phone. I will be right back." Deidara tugged himself free of a reluctant Kakashi and walked into the kitchen.

**(Tobi 2 messages)**

** (Sasori 1 message)**

Deidara bit his lip. _Why do I actually __**want**__ to read Tobi's messages… Sasori is my brother. I will read his first._

_**Hey Deidara, I think I am going to come to that party you were talking about. I will be there in an hour or so. **_

Deidara stared at his watch. 9:20. _Sasori sent the text at I still have another 40 minutes._

**Sorry, I haven't checked my phone. I've been dancing. I am so glad you are coming :D. See you in a bit.**

_Okay, now for Tobi's texts._

_**I just got off work. I should be there in a little. **_

**_ Hey I'm outside. Would you come out here real quick._**

_What? Why would I…_ Deidara sighed. _I guess I should at least walk him in._

**I'll be right out :)**

**_Really?! T-Thank you :)_**

**It's whatever.**

Deidara slipped his phone in his pocket and walked out to the front of Kakashi's house. There was Tobi, leaning on a red truck, his hood pulled down over his face.

"I see you have your hood on as usual," Deidara said dryly.

"And you have on more makeup than a theater whore," Tobi replied in a teasing tone, "We both like to hide behind some sort of mask."

"Shut up," Deidara said sullenly, "you don't know me."

"I know you're too good to just be Kakashi's booty call."

Deidara opened his mouth to retort, but he closed it.

"When you look in the mirror, do you see yourself as useless, ugly, plain? You're so much better than you can even imagine. "

"Whatever," Deidara said dismissively, "I will see you inside."

Deidara turned and strode toward the door. As he walked inside, he didn't notice Tobi's eyes following him.

"I will get to you one day," Tobi breathed. He shoved his hands inside his hoodie's pockets and followed Deidara inside.

* * *

**A/N: :D Hey! I just wanted to say that I am grateful for all the suggestions in the reviews. Deidara and Tobi are some of my favorite characters as well, and I want to do them justice. In response to the question if I would add a flashback or update the chapter so that the interaction between Deidara and Tobi in the class is seen, I am considering it. :) I would rather not update the old chapters, so a flashback is probably in order. However, I would have to use a chapter to set it up :0 but I will do my best :D. I will try to do shout outs after my next updates... which btw should be soon ;). Oh, and, if you would rather I continue my other story, Love in Art, please say so in the reviews :3. I like where this one is going, but I have no problem continuing the other one. :) On another note, the reason I titled this story The Fame Monster, in case anyone was wondering, is because Deidara is so intent on everything being "perfect" he is blind to what is truly real, being consumed by the aspect of "Fame". (Lady Gaga is also one of my favorite artists :3) In finality, I thought that Deidara's use of makeup reflects his love of art in the anime. By wearing makeup he becomes art, which was always his dream. But, I digress :0. I SHALL UPDATE SOON. 3.**

**SoleixDeidara3 -May you find light in the Darkness-**


	4. Reality

Reality

Blaring music filled Deidara's ears as he walked inside, the heavy scent of spilled beer and the sharp tang of vodka filling the air. However, it was only a beat, not even a trace of any singer's voice. Deidara frowned in disgust. _No doubt this is some of that ridiculous Dubstep. That garbage isn't even music. Oh well, at least this beat is danceable. _

Deidara scanned the room for Kakashi, and, to his horror, he found him dancing with Sakura, his hands gripping her ass.

_What!. I was gone 5 minutes and he has the nerve to—Ugghh!_ Deidara feels his stomach burning. _Am I jealous? It's not like Kakashi and I are dating… but why is he with that tramp?!_

Deidara tries to hide his emotions, but, to no avail, he trudged over to the couch and sat down. _I didn't like this song anyway…_

"Wanna dance?" Tobi asked playfully, holding out a hand as Deidara jumped.

"God, you scared me," Deidara exclaimed, "Look, I really don't want to…" _If Kakashi sees me with Tobi, maybe he will get jealous and forget all about Sakura. And then it's good riddance pink-haired freak._

"Actually," Deidara said, mustering up a big smile, "that sounds great."

"Really—" Tobi began, but his words are cut off as Deidara grabbed his arm and dragged him out to the middle of the room.

The music stops and there is a silence. "Here a song to get your hormones pumping," DJ Tayuya announced with a smile. "Give it up for Lady Marmalade.

Deidara felt his heart leap. He _loved_ this song. It was one of his guilty pleasures. _Alright, I just have to show Kakashi what he is missing out on. _

**_"Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to the Moulin Rouge…"_**

Deidara pulled Tobi close, his lips near his ears… well he hoped; it was hard to tell with the hoodie enshrouding his face.

**_"He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge, Strutting her stuff on the street."_**

**_"She said hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go, oh."_**

Deidara whirled around so that his back was facing Tobi. He reached back with his arms and grabbed Tobi's shoulder, Tobi's muscles flexing as he touched his skin. _Whoa… he actually has muscle… Bahh, ignore him. You are doing this for Kakashi. That's it. _Deidara twisted his hips as he slowly bent down to his knees, his ass and thighs rubbing against Tobi.

**_"Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth. color of cafe au lait alright."_**

**_" Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried,_**

**_ More-more-more"_**

**_" Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5_**

**_ Sleepin' the grey flannel life"_**

**_"But when he turns off to sleep memories creep,_**

**_ More-more-more"_**

"Wow," Tobi breathed, "you're pretty good. But why are you… you know, doing this? You practically hated me two days ago. Why the sudden… interest?"

Deidara stopped dancing, a blank expression on his face. _Think of something… _

"I don't know… your words, they awakened something in me, they made me realize that… you know, my life isn't perfect. I'm just hiding behind a pretty face…" Deidara breathed in deeply. He realized that what he said was the truth, not just some excuse.

**_"Creole lady Marmalade"_**

**_ "Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir)_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi (all my sistas yea)_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir)_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi (C'Mon! uh)"_**

"I wonder if you meant that…" Tobi said flatly, "…I trust you. I hope that isn't a mistake." Deidara turned and looked up at Tobi, his face completely hidden from view.

"I do." Deidara assured.

Deidara ignored the ugly feeling in his stomach. _Guilt._ He slowly began to dance again, but the movements held no emotion. After a few minutes of this, he notices there was no music. He barely realized the song had ended. He glanced at Kakashi, who was still near Sakura, and he withheld his jealousy as best his could.

"You're upset that Kakashi is with Sakura, aren't you?" Tobi whispered. Deidara jumped.

"I-I-I… you don't… it's not like that… you…Uggh! Mind your own business kid!" Deidara pushed off of Tobi and stormed into the kitchen. _Every time… he seems to know what's wrong with me even before I do._

Deidara opened the fridge, his eyes locking on the six pack of vodka in the corner. He tentatively reached a hand out to pull a bottle from the case. _It's just alcohol… besides everyone is drinking it here. You are __**not**__your mother; you are stronger than she ever was. _

Deidara shivered as his hand closed around the cold bottle. He unscrewed the cap and lifted the bottle up to the light, the dim kitchen lights distorted through the clear bottle. _Oh well, I'll just get this over with._

He raised the bottle to his lips, the bitter taste of alcohol filling his mouth. Suddenly, someone smacked Deidara's hand, and the bottle crashes to the ground, shattering. Deidara whirled to face Tobi, his expression unreadable behind the shadow of the mask.

"What are you doing?" Tobi said grimly.

"Relax," Deidara said sarcastically, "it's a party. Besides, the last time I checked you weren't my mother, not that she would care. In fact, you're not even my friend, so why do you care?"

"I care about you," Tobi murmured, his head gazing at his feet. Deidara stands there, speechless.

"What did you just say…?" Deidara breathed, his face beginning to burn.

"I said I care about you," Tobi whispered, "That's why I don't want you to drink. I don't want to see you end up being hurt."

"W-What…" Deidara paused, speechless, but sudden anger boils within him, "Why do you keep saying these things to mess with my head. I _don't _like you, okay. I never will. So why do you keep pushing this. _Leave me alone!"_

Tobi breathes in as if to reply, but he sighed and shook his head. "I understand. Just know, you have my number, and I am here if you need me. I-I… I'm gonna go. Later."

Deidara just watched as Tobi walked out of the kitchen. _Finally. Now I need to get that harlot away from Kakashi… and what better way than a little dramatic… effect. _Deidara grabbed another bottle of vodka from the fridge, and, after scavenging around the kitchen, he poured the vodka in the cup, stirring in a large spoonful of wasabi. _Hopefully by now she'll be too drunk to even care._

Deidara picked up the cup and walked back into the living room, the light pulsing black and white, giving the room a surreal atmosphere. _Sakura will be in for quite the surprise. Kakashi will—_

"Hey is that a drink?" Choji, the obese kid who always wears his underwear on his head for some reason, asked, "I am losing my buzz. You're just in time."

"N-No," Deidara stammered, but he can only watch as Choji pries the drink from his hands and chugs it.

"Thanks man—HOLY SHIT, THIS BURNS!" Choji screams. DJ Tayuya killed the music, and everyone turned to face him.

"Dude, chill out," Sasuke Uchiha hissed through grit teeth, "You're ruining this party."

"MY. MOUTH. IS. ON. **FIRE!**." Choji screamed, "I NEED WATER, **_NOW!_**"

Choji ran into the kitchen, and Tayuya tapped a microphone.

"Okay people," Tayuya said awkwardly, "let's try to bring this place back from the dead, alright?" A few cheers rang through the air, and Tayuya cranked the music back up.

_Did it work? _Deidara glanced toward the direction Kakashi was when he was dancing with Sakura, and he felt his heart leap as he saw Kakashi standing there alone. Deidara, seizing his chance, half-walked, half-ran, towards Kakashi.

"Oh hey," Kakashi said, a smile appearing on his face, "You're finally back."

_More like that tramp finally left you. _"Where is Sakura?" Deidara asked innocently, "I thought she was dancing with you?"

Kakashi shrugged and scratched his back awkwardly, "She had to… throw up."

Deidara burst into laughter. "I'm sorry." _Lies, I'd sooner be sorry if I saved Pain from a moving car._

Kakashi joined in his laughter. "She couldn't handle it… but that's why I have you. I know I can count on you tonight."

His words stung Deidara, but he brushed them of and put on a face. "Of course," he laughed, hoping it didn't sound too fake, "you can _always_ count on me."

Kakashi moved in close, his lips brushing Deidara's ear. "That's what I like to hear." He wrapped his arms around Deidara's waist and pulled him into him so that Deidara was pressed against his chest.

Kakashi's hands slipped lower and lower until they were resting on Deidara's ass. Deidara managed to suppress a gasp of surprise as Kakashi gripped him.

"You know what," Kakashi panted in his ear, "I don't think I can wait. In fact, I think it's about time you saw me shirtless in person. Drawings can't compare to the real thing. And, who knows, I'm feeling pretty generous. I might even let you go below the belt…"

Deidara paused, but quickly regained his composure. "What did you have in mind," he said coolly, hiding his panic as best as he could.

"Follow me," Kakashi whispered as he let go of Deidara's ass and grabbed onto his wrists.

Deidara didn't try to fight as Kakashi dragged him through the hallways, up the stairs, and into a quiet bedroom; the pounding music from below a mere pulse.

"One sec," Kakashi whispered as he walked into the bathroom. Deidara walked over and sat on the bed, looking out the window. The moon, currently a crescent, was high above the world, and only a few stars dotted the night sky.

"I'm back," Kakashi said. Deidara turned to face him and nearly fainted. Kakashi was shirtless, his abs and muscles bulging, and Deidara could only stare as Kakashi came over and sat next to him. Deidara, although in a stupor, noticed Kakashi had an ANBU tattoo—a popular metal band—on his forearm.

"What do you want me to do…" Deidara stammered.

"Isn't it obvious," Kakashi said, putting his arm around Deidara and pulling him close, "I want you. I figured we could have some _fun_, if you know what I mean."

Kakashi lay down on the bed, motioning for Deidara to climb on top of him, and he crossed his arms behind his head. Deidara slowly got up and straddled Kakashi's groin, placing his hands on Kakashi's bare chest.

"See," Kakashi said, "You've been missing out on this all these years. You should have just asked me sooner. I'm always looking for a good time.

Suddenly, Kakashi drove his hips up, and Deidara, trying to steady himself, pushed his weight down. Kakashi thrust his hips up again, and Deidara pushed down, the friction causing Kakashi to moan.

"I can't take this anymore," Kakashi said as pushed Deidara off and stood up. "I need you _now_." Kakashi unbuttoned his pants and was left in nothing but his boxers. Deidara felt panic rise up within him. _I'm not ready for this… but I need to do it._

"So…" Kakashi said in a hushed tone as he walked over to Deidara, whose eyes were level with his hips, "I think I'm ready now." In one smooth motion, Kakashi stepped forward and, grabbing Deidara by the back of the neck, pressed his face into his crotch.

"No…" Deidara murmured. Kakashi began to pull down his boxers.

"No…. Kakashi…" Deidara breathed. Kakashi's boxers dropped to the floor and he grabbed Deidara again.

"Please… I am not ready… Please, stop." Kakashi ignored him.

"Open your mouth," Kakashi commanded.

"No," Deidara whispered.

"Open your mouth _now._"

"I said no," Deidara said, his voice rising.

"Did you just turn _me_ down?!" Kakashi exclaimed.

"I'm not ready for this," Deidara said, "maybe if we had been dating for a few months—"

"Me? Date you? Please," Kakashi mocked, "If you're not even going to put out, why would I even want to be seen with you, let alone date you."

"You just… talked to me because you thought we might have sex…?"

"Why else would I waste my time with you?"

"But, you like me…" Deidara breathed.

"No, I liked the idea of you in bed with me.

That is pretty much the end of it. If you don't want to sleep with me now, get out. I could care less what you do after this; I have tons of other people who are willing to sleep with me. In the end, it's your loss."

Deidara tried to speak, but the words felt as thick as honey. As if in a trance, he walked out of Kakashi's room, down the stairs, through the living room, and out the front door.

_He just wanted me for the sex… He just wanted me for the sex…_

Deidara felt his phone vibrate. He pulled it out of his pocket and unlocked it.

**_I noticed you weren't inside. Oh well, I'm sure Sakura is dying to have some fun with me. Text me if you ever grow up._**

Deidara just stared at the text. He wanted to throw his phone, but he couldn't. He could only stare at the ugly words on the screen before him. He replayed what happened over and over in his mind, but, in the end, only one thought was prevalent.

_ He just wanted me for the sex…_

* * *

**A/N: :D New Chapter is done. It was kinda a long one... well not really, but when it's 2 a.m. and you need to crash, a sentence feels like a paragraph. To All of you leaving Reviews, Thank you 3. I would do shout outs, but I am VERY tired and I need sleep O_o Long day tomorrow. School is starting up in 2 days, so my updates might be a tad slower, but I shall strive to remain diligent (Probably misspelled that, sorry) and keep my updates quick :) **

**SoleixDeidara3 -In the Dark of the Night, Evil will find you. In the Dark of the Night, your nightmares come true. In the Dark of the Night, there is no light. Yes, there is no mercy, In the Dark of the Night. **


	5. A Ray of Light

A Ray of Light

Deidara felt like crying, but he didn't want to show any weakness, even if he was alone. But, despite his best efforts, a single tear leaked down his face. _Pull yourself together. So what if he wasn't what you expected, life is full of disappointment. Get a hold of yourself and move on._

Deidara repeated these words over and over in his mind, but, it was in vain. Kakashi's words had cut through him like a knife, and even now their sting remained, like a festering wound.

"I can't just leave this party," Deidara sighed to himself, "Sasori should be here any minute. Maybe I can just hang with him—I wonder what Tobi is up too…?" _Did I just say that!" _Deidara stood, immobilized by his disbelief. _Why am I thinking about Tobi… Maybe his words really are getting to me… maybe… they are true. But how would he know anything about me? I only see him in art, and even then, when I have ever talked to him?_

"Last week…," Deidara realized with a start.

_"Alright class today I am assigning you each a partner, and, to the best of your artistic abilities, you shall draw one another," Mrs. Chiyo announced. _

_"Deidara…" She called out, "I think I will pair you with… Tobi. You are a very talented artist, and, although Tobi has potential, I believe his talent would be more refined if he were to work with you."_

**_What!_**_ "Okay," Deidara mumbled, "that sounds fine." Deidara had to suppress a surge of disgust as Tobi seemed to perk up from the news. Deidara trudged over to where Tobi sat and plopped down in the chair beside him._

_"So, can I just draw you and leave?" Deidara yawned, "and you can say that I enlightened you, molded you, changed your state of mind, etc."_

_"I actually want to see what I can learn from you," Tobi said, "Besides, when you draw you seem to leave the world behind, and, for the moment, I can see the true beauty that you have inside."_

**_My what?_**_ "Ummm okay…" Deidara said, "Should I take that as a no?"_

_"I bet you think I'm just some freak that hides behind a hood?" Tobi asked. _

_"Bingo," Deidara said flatly, "now can we get this over with? I really don't want to get an F for the day because you wanted to talk about my 'inner beauty' instead of doing the assignment."_

_"You try too hard to impress people. You shouldn't have to go out of your way just to be accepted. True friends should accept you for what is on the inside, not the outside." Tobi murmured._

_"Coming from someone who has what, four friends?" Deidara mocked._

_"Compared to what? Your 50 fake friends?" Tobi replied. _

_Deidara stared at him, speechless. He tried to ignore his words, but they seemed to reach into his heart, but Deidara refused to accept them as the truth._

_"Whatever," Deidara said dismissively, "let's just get this over with."_

_"Okay," Tobi smiled, "but I get to draw you first." Deidara rolled his eyes._

"Even then his words got to me," Deidara breathed. Suddenly, he realized he had unconsciously pulled his phone from his pocket. _Maybe I should just text him. Just to get him off my mind. But what do I say… _Deidara finally decided on three words.

**You were right.**

Deidara waited, staring at his phone until it vibrated and the screen light up with the reply.

**_I'm sorry. I know it must be hard. Look, if you're not busy tomorrow, would you want to hang out? I know you don't really like me, but I just want you to know I'm here if you need me. Please, get some rest tonight, you'll need it._**

**Thank you… Umm, I guess I can hang out. Could you pick me up?**

**_Sure :). Text me tomorrow and I will come and get you._**

**Okay. **

Deidara slipped his phone back into his pocket. _What am I getting myself into? Why in the hell did I just text him that. Eh, I don't have to go; I can just ditch him. Alright, I need to find Sasori._

Deidara, swallowing his pride, turned around and walked back inside to the party. As the door closed behind him, Deidara's eyes scanned the room. _No sign of Sasori._ Bile rose in his throat. _And no sign of Kakashi either. Good, I couldn't bear to look at him now._

Deidara sighed and sat down on the couch. _I might as well just wait for him. _He sat on the couch, music pounding in his ears, and he gazed down at his watch waiting for each minute to tick by. Finally, after 10 minutes, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Sasori," Deidara said, standing up.

"Sorry," Temari, a girl from Deidara's art class, said, "I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to dance?"

"Umm, you do know I am gay right?" Deidara laughed.

"So? That doesn't mean you don't know how to dance, right?" Temari replied, "My boyfriend, Shikamaru, doesn't really like all these social things; 'they're a drag' he says, but I, on the other hand, love them. I find meeting new people intriguing. Oh, and, I mean this in the best possible way, I think you are pretty."

"Thank you," Deidara said, brightening up. He already liked this girl. "Sure I know how to dance. The question is, can you keep up." Temari winked.

"I think I can give it a shot." Temari smiled.

Deidara followed Temari to the edge of the crowd, and, the beat guiding his movements, he began to dance next to her. There was nothing intimate about it, they were just dancing, and Deidara, for the first time the entire night, felt great.

Temari moved gracefully, but with purpose, not an ounce of energy wasted. As Deidara couldn't help but stare at her in awe. She moved so fluently; it was as if she were the wind.

_Why wouldn't Shikamaru want to hang out with her? She's amazing. _

"What is this?" Sasori laughed as he placed his hands on his brother's shoulders, causing Deidara to jump, "is _my_ brother dancing with a _girl?"_

"Shut up!" Deidara laughed as he jerked out of his brother's hands, "I was just having fun."

"Thank you Deidara," Temari smiled, "It's been fun, but I should probably get going. It's almost 11. Bye."

_11! _Deidara hadn't even realized the time. Sasori was an entire hour late. How had he not noticed that when he was staring at his watch. Deidara waved goodbye to Temari and then whirled to face his brother.

"Why are you so late?" Deidara scolded. Sasori's face turned beet red.

"I was… kinda… visiting this girl I like…" He whispered, his eyes finding his feet suddenly very interesting.

"Who," Deidara gasped, his anger evaporating, "you have to tell me. You owe it to me."

"Hinata…" Sasori said, his voice a mere whisper.

"But I thought she was going out with Naruto?" Deidara asked, puzzled.

"She was… but they broke up, like, 2 weeks ago. And I asked her for her number and we have been texting and she asked me to come over and—"

"Whoa there Jethro," Deidara joked, "Slow down. Wait… she asked you _what!"_

"To come over, but we didn't do anything except…. She _kissed_ me." Sasori exclaimed, his excitement taking over. Deidara it was the best thing ever."

Deidara just stared at his brother. _Even Sasori is in a relationship… what a mess I am… No, I should be happy for him._

"That's great," Deidara smiled, "Just try not to rush into anything. You might find out it was a mistake…" Try as he might, Deidara could not stop a tear from flowing down his face.

"Deidara," Sasori asked, concern replacing his excitement, "are you okay? And what happened? Why aren't you with Kakashi?"

Deidara choked back a sob, but he breathed in deeply and wiped his face, not caring if his makeup smeared. "Nothing," Deidara said, hoping his voice wasn't too shaky. He just wasn't the right person for me."

"Are you sure," Sasori began.

"_I said it's fine,"_ Deidara shouted, immediately regretting it as hurt etched Sasori's face, "I'm sorry. I've just had a really rough night. Would you mind if we go home?"

"Not at all," Sasori smiled, perking up, "And apology accepted." Deidara laughed.

**Hey Tobi, I don't really feel like going anywhere today. Would you mind stopping by at my house for an hour? I'm really sorry.**

**_Sure, I'll be there in 15. _**

******Okay… Wait, how do you know where I live.**

**_ ;) I told you. I have my ways. _**

******Whatever… I will be waiting.**

**_:)_**

Deidara sighed and tossed his phone on his bed. Now that the news was out, Sasori was out on an official date with Hinata, and Deidara had let him borrow the car, hoping that he wouldn't get pulled over. Everybody's Fool filled his room, the Evanescence song somewhat relaxing.

****_"__**I know the truth and now**_

**_ I know what you are_**

**_ And I don't love you anymore_**

**_ Never was and never will be_**

**_ You're not real and you can't save me_**

**_ And somehow now I'm everybody's fool…"_**

_This song could not be more perfect for my mood. Kakashi turned out just great. How could I fall for that? I've never felt this stupid. Oh well, who knows, maybe Tobi will cheer me up._

Deidara got up and switched the song to Brick by Boring Brick. _I just need to let him go… life has disappointments, just look at your mother. _

Deidara sighed and walked over to his mirror, his face, covered in makeup, staring back at him with a sorrowful expression. _Maybe Tobi is right… I don't need all this makeup…_

As if on cue Deidara's phone vibrates.

**_Heyyy :) I'm outside._**

******That was fast…!**

**_I am kinda excited to, you know, hang out with you in person. Should I knock?_**

******Nah, I will be at the door in like, 10 seconds. **

**_I am still going to ring the doorbell._**

****Deidara shut off his music, and, sure enough, the sound of Tobi ringing the doorbell filled the house. _He can be such a kid sometimes, oh well, at least he has a sense of humor._

Deidara walked to the front door and opened it to greet a cheerful Tobi, his face as hidden as ever.

"Ughh," Deidara sighed, "If we are going to hang out, can you at least take off that hood?"

"Only if you take off all that makeup." Tobi retorted.

"You know what," Deidara said mischievously, "I think I will. Be right back." Deidara ran to his bathroom and drenched his face in the sink, his makeup literally flowing off. When he was done, he wiped his face with a towel and only his black eyeliner remained.

"There, happy?" Deidara said as he walked into the living room to see Tobi sitting on the couch.

"Wow… I can't believe you actually did that… you look amazing." Tobi said in awe.

Deidara suddenly felt his cheeks burning. _Am I… blushing?_ Deidara shook his heading, snapping out of his daze.

"Alright Tobi." Deidara smiled, almost surprised that it was genuine, "Now _you_ get to fulfill your end of the deal. The hoodie, take it off."

Tobi shrugged his shoulders. "We didn't shake on it." He said matter of factly.

"Oh, hell no," Deidara said as he dove at Tobi, tackling him to the ground. Deidara pinned Tobi's arms under his knees and began to frantically try and flip his hood back.

"It won't be _that_ easy," Tobi laughed as he pushed up with such force that Deidara fell over. Tobi quickly used this opening to pin Deidara to the ground.

"That isn't fair," Deidara complained, "you _have_ to show me. Please…" Deidara tried to move, but Tobi had him pinned. _How is he this strong?_ _I didn't even think he worked out… _

"Fine," Tobi laughed mischievously, "If I take off my hoodie… you have to kiss me." Deidara knew that he was unable to hide the shock on his face, and he also knew his cheeks must have been at least a rose red. _He's so… upfront. _

"A-And if I-I refuse," Deidara said, cursing silently as he stuttered. Deidara felt his body shiver as Tobi leaned in close.

"Then you will be my prisoner," Tobi whispered into his ear. Deidara felt his heart beat quicker. _Could I actually… like Tobi? No, you don't like him. And he doesn't like you as anything more than a friend. He might not even be gay._

"That look is on your face again," Tobi murmured.

"What look?" Deidara asked.

"You are doubting yourself again." Tobi said softly. Deidara tore his gaze away from Tobi's shrouded face.

"It's nothing," Deidara murmured. Suddenly, Tobi placed his hand on Deidara's face, sending a shiver through Deidara, and, as he leaned down close, Deidara felt Tobi's lips—his actual lips—grazing his ear.

"Since I think you should know, I will tell you this once and for all. You can never lie to me. I will always know when you are upset, when you are mad, when you are happy." Tobi whispered, his breath warm against Deidara's neck, "Face it. You can't escape me."

Deidara wanted to believe Tobi's words, his heart wanted to reach out and embrace them, but he knew he couldn't take another heart-break so soon.

"Yeah… sure," Deidara said, as he coughed loudly, hoping it sounded at least somewhat convincing.

"Are you okay?" Tobi asked quizzically.

"Umm yeah—" Deidara began but stopped as he broke into a forceful coughing fit, "Umm actually *cough* I would rather *cough* go to sleep now. But I will see you *cough* tomorrow."

"Okay," Tobi said, his voice sounding only half sure, "I guess I will get going." Deidara didn't say a word as Tobi got up and walked to the front door. He didn't say a word as Tobi climbed into his car and drove off. Finally, when Tobi's car had faded from view, Deidara allowed four words to escape his lips.

"Who can't lie, Tobi…?"

* * *

Shout Outs :)

YfyF12: Thank you so much :). It means a lot to me that you like this story. And I am SO sorry if you took offense to, ya know, Sakura. I have just always viewed her as somewhat worthless, and I wanted to use this as a way to vent out my hatred for her. Other than her, All Naruto Girls are awesome, well Ino has her moments, but Konan is AMAZING. Anyway, thank you so much for your support, and I shall continue to Update this :) I want it to become something I can be proud of. 3

DragonFire44: Your comments and suggestions have been taken straight to heart :3. A flashback was a sound idea, and I decided to incorperate it in this chapter. It felt right, ya know? Oh, and Sasori and Deidara are brothers because I have never viewed them as a Romantic interest. Sure opposites attract, but from what I gather, while Deidara respects Sasori as a fellow artist, Sasori has NO respect for Deidara. And if someone Hates Deidara, they are my enemy ;P. As for the reason for Tobi's interest in Deidara, I wanted, when I finished these 23+ Chapters, to make a one-shot prequel or something of what captivated Tobi when he saw Deidara. And I would have made Kakashi more forceful, but I didn't want it to get _that_ dramatic in chapter 4 :P. Thank you for all your advice. It really means a lot. I hope you keep reading this Shtuff :3.

Sucrosed: Lol, I will update as soon as I can. I try hard to make time for at least 1 hour a day. Thank you for reading.

Nenhe Darkess: No habla Espanol, but mucho gracias.

Ugaslavia: Thank you for that :). Reviews make my day. I want to make this an awesome story, so feel free to offer any advice you may have.

Yeekoni: Thank you :). I love Tobi and Deidara, though Deidara is my all time favorite, and, though I like Kakashi, I thought he would be the kind of guy that wouldn't be faithful since he has it all. Oh, and about the length. The first chapters were short because I was just setting up the story :), but, after this one, they should be 11-14 pages :). And I posted all 4 chapters at once because I wanted to ensnare your mind and enslave you to my story... jk, I just thought I should go ahead and post all of them :).

**A/N: Thank you for all the critque, advice, support, etc. It means A LOT, and, you people willing, I want this to turn into an amazing story :). I have read DeidaraxTobi stories on this site for a while, and only a few really struck me as very well written :0. I will keep trying to update as soon as I can, but school is back -_-. My writing time is limited due to me being in XC and Theater, but I shall try to write a few pages every day :). Also, if you have advice or questions, please leave them in your review, and I will answer them, if not in a shout out, in my next A/N. Thank you all :)**

3SoleixDeidara3

When the light falls, when day turns to night

I send the pestilence and plauge, I send the suffering and blight

May the tears you cry be lost among your pain

Watch as Death Surrounds you, an endless rain

So hide your face behind a mask deep within the dark

For I am almost upon you, Death is here to claim your heart...


	6. Amity

Chapter 6

Amity

Deidara stared up blankly at the ceiling. He faintly heard Sasori talking to Hinata in his bedroom. A smile spread across Deidara's lips. With Sasori finally having a girlfriend, Deidara no longer worried about his brother remaining in his shell. Soon, Sasori would leave behind his old quiet, shy, hiding in the shadows self and finally well… show emotion.

Deidara, on the other hand, had no claim to fame when it came to his love life. The closest thing was… Kakashi… whom Deidara doubted had any real feeling for anyone than himself. And then there was Tobi…

"Time and time again, I find my heart longing for him… but I know deep down it is not meant to be—it cannot be." Deidara murmured to himself. He sat up and, clutching his Lumpy Space Princess pillow, hugged his knees to his chest. He _hated_ being upset. It was as if he were sucking all the energy from everyone, and, in Deidara's book, that was unacceptable. He glanced over at his bedside table, an unopened bottle of Manic Panic resting on the black wood, and, tentatively, Deidara reached over and picked it up.

_Virgin Snow… well, white hair is very dramatic. I'll even put a few black streaks in it. That would look great when I go to work tomorrow. I just need to find some—_Deidara rummaged through his drawers, and in a moment he found it—_ha! Found it. I knew I had some bleach left. _

Deidara got up and walked to the bathroom. He grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and began to mix the chemicals. In no time, the sharp tang of bleach filled the air, and Deidara inhaled deeply. He loved the smell of hair dye.

_I'll bleach my hair and tone it white. Then I will put some black streaks in, maybe even the tips. Kisame will so shocked tomorrow at work._

Deidara had worked at Hot Topic for a while now. Ever since Konan quit, Deidara was practically the manager. Kisame, however, didn't see it that way. Since there Konan had yet to name an official manager—her parents owned the mall—there was technically none. She couldn't just give Deidara the job, that would appear to be helping a friend. So, Konan had devised a plan. Whoever had the most sales this month got the job.

Deidara was currently ahead, but Kisame wasn't far behind by much. And, in Deidara experience, customers tended to ask the most unusual sales clerk for assistance. Kisame pale skin that appeared to have a blue hue to it, sharp, filed down teeth, dark blue hair, and gill tattoo's on his neck. Other than the two mouth tattoos on his palms, Deidara was normal by comparison. Luckily, makeup came to his rescue. Deidara always ensured that he had some elaborate eye makeup crowning his face before he left for work every evening.

_This stuff is starting to burn. Time to wash it out._ Deidara shut his eyes and, setting the handles to cold, he jumped in the shower. The freezing water meeting his skin instantly forced the breath from his lungs. _You know why you have to do this… the color will last longer. _After hastily washing his hair with deep conditioner, Deidara jumped out and began the ever-laborious process of drying his 3 feet of hair.

Finally, after 40 minutes of blow drying, Deidara began the next step of his hair coloring. He grabbed the toner and began to spread it through his hair. After 10 minutes of sitting in boredom, Deidara grabbed a lock of his hair and spiked it, the heavy toner holding the spike in place like gel. An idea blossomed in Deidara's mind. He spiked his hair in all directions and, picking up his phone, he snapped a quick picture.

Smiling to himself, he found Tobi's number and attached the picture to it. He quickly hit send and went back to dying his hair. In a matter of seconds, his phone vibrated, and Deidara grabbed it and saw a text from Tobi.

**_;) Why aren't you the sexy model._**

**Shut uup, you don't mean that. **

**_I do, actually. However, you are a little… skinny…. Do you not eat enough? _**

Deidara gazed blankly at the text. **I eat when I'm hungry…**

**_I'm sure you do. But what is hungry to you? Is it when you can no longer take the pain in your stomach?_**

**What?**

**_I notice you never really eat lunch at school. The most you ever eat is a bag of chips or something. You really should take better care of yourself._**

Deidara prayed no one was around; he knew his cheeks must be blood red.

**Why is it every time I text you, our conversations turn into you speaking to me in some cryptic tone about how I am trying too hard to be perfect?**

**_I never said you were trying too hard to be perfect… Guilty conscience? ;)_**

**You… don't know. Anywayy, what's up?**

**_Nothing much, at work. You?_**

**Dying my hair. I didn't know you worked, where at?**

**_… You'll think it's stupid._**

**I won't laugh I promise.**

**_Promise._**

**You have my word. And my word, unlike my promises ;), means a lot. **

**_Okay… I work… I'm a lifeguard. _**

**Shut up… You liar. You never even take off your hoodie.**

**_In school. I'm don't like showing off. It's where Kakashi and I differ greatly. But yes, I am a lifeguard. I have the six-pack and everything… ;)_**

**I have to see that. **

**_You will… in time._**

**How come no one at school knows about this?**

**_Only my friends do._**

**Who are your friends? **

**_You've actually met some of them. You know Temari. Shikamaru is her boyfriend. Kisame and Haku are a couple._**

**You know Kisame!? He works at Hot Topic with me!**

**_I know :) He's worried that you are going to beat him. And he should be, I've seen the way you dress up for work. It's no surprise you get more sales. _**

**I'm touched. Well, I have to wash this stuff out. So… I will text you later? **

**_Definitely ;) Bye._**

**Bye… :)**

Deidara sat down his phone and smiled. Things were getting a little better every day…

"How may I help you?" Deidara said politely as the girl with Star Wars hair, Ten Ten, tapped him on the shoulder. He stopped hanging up the shirts on the rack and turned to face her.

"I'm looking for your nail polish. Can you please point me in the direction?" She asked.

"I will do more than that. I am going to show you where it is. Please, follow me." Deidara said as he spun on his heel and began weaving through the aisle towards the nail polish. He stopped in front of a shelf with nail polish of every color filling the racks.

"Is this what you are looking for?" He asked sweetly.

"Yes, thank you sooo much," Ten Ten smiled, "oh, and I _love_ your hair."

"Thank you. When you are ready to check out please let me know." Deidara said as he walked back to the shirts he left lying on the ground. He picked them up and quickly finished hanging them up on the rack.

As he finished hanging the last shirt, he felt someone walk up behind him. Deidara quickly whirled to face the person, thinking it was Ten Ten ready to check out, but he choked back his surprise when he was staring straight at Kisame's chest. Kisame was _very _tall—about 6'6—and Deidara felt tiny next to him.

"Hey Deidara," Kisame said with a toothy grin, which, due to his sharp teeth, was somewhat terrifying, "So… I hear Tobi has you under his charm?"

Deidara fought back a blush and cleared his throat, "Tobi? No. We may be friends, but that is the end of it."

"Oh," Kisame smirked, "Then you wouldn't mind if I—" Kisame leaned in close to Deidara and, wrapping his arms around his waist, pressed his body into his, "—do this would you?"

Deidara squirmed out of Kisame's grip and shoved him away, "Uggh get off me,  
Deidara hissed, "Besides, what would Haku think?" Deidara noticed Kisame's eyes flash dangerously.

"Oh don't pretend you don't _love_ it." Kisame laughed, "I know you used to like me."

Deidara frowned. "Key words, _used._" Deidara sighed, "But it's too late, even if you wanted me I am—"

"With Tobi?" Kisame supplied.

"_NO!_," Deidara exclaimed, hoping he wasn't blushing, "I am not really looking for a relationship… after Kakashi…."

Kisame, for once, looked noticeably sorry, "Tobi told me about that. I'm really sorry. I wish I could have warned you. I know what he is like. He used to be on the swim team you know. I doubt he will ever grow up."

Deidara could only stare at Kisame. _Did he really just, show sympathy?_ _What happened to the jerk?_

"Surprised eh?" Kisame chuckled, "you can't always expect me to be a jerk. I like to keep people on their toes." Kisame winked.

"I see," Deidara murmured.

"But, if it makes you feel any better, I would have treated you right. Well, I still would, but Tobi kind of claimed you." Kisame said thoughtfully.

"Claimed me? And what about Haku?" Deidara said quizzically.

"Yeah, you know, off limits. Haku and I haven't really been getting along great lately. He seems to drift more toward Zabuza, his ex, every day. Breaks my heart."

_Okay this has got to be a dream._ "I'm sorry…" Deidara said quietly.

"It's not your fault. Haku has the right to be happy, and, if I cannot make him happy, he deserves to be with who he wants."

"Wow… that's… really sweet Kisame." Deidara said.

"Yeah yeah. If you ever tell anyone I will rip your heart out," Kisame smirked.

_And he's back. _"Okay," Deidara laughed, "If you will excuse me, Ten Ten is ready to check out." Deidara tried to walk past Kisame, but he blocked him off. Deidara felt a shiver run down his back as Kisame leaned in so that his lips were brushing his ear.

"Just so you know," Kisame whispered, his breath hot against Deidara's neck, "if I do happen to break up with Haku, I am coming for you. That is, if Tobi hasn't gotten to you first. Remember that."

"Okay, sure." Deidara said trying to hide his nerves, "now excuse me." Deidara walked past Kisame and walked swiftly over to Ten Ten.

Deidara lie in his bed, once again staring blankly up at the ceiling. His phone sat next to him, and, for the past two hours, he had been trying to build up the courage to send a message.

Finally, realizing that it wasn't going to happen if he didn't just act on impulse, he whipped his phone into his hands and fired off the text.

**Hey… Kisame.**

The reply was instantaneous.

**_Who is this?_**

** Deidara…**

**_Oh… :) Thank you for giving me your number. Saved me some time. What's up?_**

******Nothing really, just I'm just laying down. **

**_Chill. Oh, I forgot to tell you at work. I love the new hair._**

******Really?**

**_Yeah. I can't wait to grab on to it when we have sex._**

Deidara stared, mouth agape at the message. Deidara felt his heart flitter. _How blunt can someone be?_

**Umm… A little early don't you think?**

**_Can't take a joke? Well maybe it wasn't a joke ;) depends on how you take it. Alright I have to go. Later :)_**

** Later…**

Deidara tossed plugged his phone into the charger and resumed gazing up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but, for some reason, sleep wouldn't come.

_ What is this I feel? It's not like Tobi and I are going out… But for some reason I feel…_

Deidara gazed at the ceiling for hours. Finally, at 4 a.m. he realized what is was he was feeling.

Betrayal.

* * *

**A\N: So... It's been a little while since I updated :0. School takes its toll -_- Anywayy, I don't really like the beginning of this chapter, but I think I managed to rein it back in at the end. :3 Plot Twist... Or is it :). Anyway, Please leave your opinion in the reviews. Believe it or not, they really do make my day 3. Well, I will probably take a short break from this story to write Chapter 1 of my WoW FF... unless you people can convince me otherwise ;). Okay. I shall try to update soon. :)**

**SoleixDeidara3**

**And I shall die nine times**

**Before the world sits still**

**I pay no heed, I ignore the signs**

**But 9 times I take to kill**

**I watch in the darkness**

**I wait in the stark**

**I feast on the emptiness**

**I am the dark. **


	7. Tobi

Tobi

Deidara sat with Tobi on a grassy cliff that overlooked the ocean. As the moon rose high in the sky, the water shimmered with an iridescent radiance, and Deidara stared in awe at its raw beauty. _This is art._

"It's beautiful isn't it," Tobi said, once again seeming to read Deidara's thoughts. _How does he always do that…?_

"Yes," Deidara sighed, "It's one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen."

"It's not as beautiful as you." Tobi said immediately. Deidara tore his eyes away from the moonlight water and faced Tobi, his cheeks burning.

"W-What did y-you say…?" Deidara breathed. Tobi leaned in close, face inches from Deidara's. Deidara felt his heart skip a beat.

"Did I stutter?" Tobi said passionately.

"No I just—" _It's now or never. _Deidara lunged forward and, grabbing the hem of Tobi's hoodie, he threw it back off his head. Deidara felt his heart skip another beat. Tobi was _hot_.

His eyes were a blood red, but, on his pale skin, they didn't look frightening. They looked… intense. His shaggy black hair that would normally cover his eyes was swept out of his face by the wind, revealing his sharp features. His small nose made his sharp cheekbones stand out, and his masculine, defined chin.

Tobi glared at Deidara, his eyes seeming to have a fire deep within them.

"Well…" Tobi huffed, "did you get what you wanted?" Deidara could only smile.

"And more." Deidara said, leaning his head on Tobi's shoulder. Tobi's hand immediately rose up and rested on the back of Deidara's neck, and Tobi pulled Deidara closer.

"You know," Tobi began, "I should be angry with you, but I'm not. I guess I can never get mad at you." _You could. You really could. But you never do…_

"Tobi, c-can I a-ask you s-something?" Deidara said shakily, not fully trusting his words. Tobi gazed at him, his red eyes glowing in the moonlight.

"Ask away." Tobi said bluntly.

"Do you—_Forget it, ask him something else—_I-I mean, how has no one noticed your face before? You are a lifeguard aren't you?"

Tobi frowned, clearly he was disappointed with the question. "Well, no one has ever seen my face, except for a few of my friends, so they wouldn't recognize me even if they saw me."

"Clever," Deidara laughed, "but why would you want to hide your face? It's—"

"Gorgeous?" Tobi finished, "I don't want someone to like me just because my appearance. If your friends only like you for the way you look, they are shallow and fake. I want something real, someone real…" Tobi pulled Deidara to his chest.

"I want someone like you." Tobi hugged Deidara tightly, "I want you."

Deidara sighed. His heart had longed for this moment, but, he knew it was too good to be true. There was no way that Tobi could ever see anything in him. "No, you don't" Deidara murmured.

"What?" Tobi asked.

"You don't… want me." Deidara laughed nervously, "There's nothing real about me. Trust me."

"You doubt yourself—"

"No, Tobi," Deidara said, "I know who—what I am. It's not what you are looking for, okay. I'm no good. I'm just a slut, who wears too much makeup, starves themselves to stay thin for everyone but myself, lowers myself to flirting with trash, and cares only about their appearance. I'm sorry, Tobi, I can't do that to you."

"Deidara that doesn't matter," Tobi whispered.

"It does matter," Deidara shouted, his anger rising, "you are way too good for someone like me. How can you even bear to look at me? I hated you practically four days ago, I flirted with Kisame, who by the way is still dating Haku, I even go over what Kakashi did to me—_Liar, you hate him—_but you still chase after me? Why, Tobi? What do you see in me?" Deidara saw the emotion on Tobi's face as clearly as the moonlight sky. Hurt.

Tobi sighed, turning away from Deidara to gaze out at the moonlight ocean. "I see someone who is hiding behind a mask. Someone who is so afraid of being themselves, they hide it all behind a false face. I see someone who is hurting so much on the inside, but they ignore it, just so they won't look bad in front of everyone. I see someone so strong, they don't care how bad their life at home is, how they have to support the family, and they don't let on in the slightest. I see you…"

"Stop, just s-stop." Deidara said, on the verge of tears, "I don't need to hear it. I don't want to hear it."

"Why," Tobi said, "are you afraid to cry?"

"It's not that," Deidara said.

"What is it then?" Tobi said, his red eyes gazing at him intently.

"If I cry," Deidara began, "I will smear my makeup…" Tobi gazed at him for ten seconds before bursting into laughter.

"I really do love that about you, you know?" Tobi laughed, "You're so concerned with trivial things." Deidara blushed and turned away.

"How do you know all that about me?" Deidara asked.

"I've seen your scars," Tobi said solemnly, and Deidara's hands quickly slapped over his wrists, "I have some to. I actually like them. They remind me of who I was, and who I am now. Makes me stronger."

"I felt weak," Deidara sighed.

"You aren't weak. That doesn't make you weak. Letting it make you weak does." Tobi smiled, his hands coming to rest on Deidara's.

"Can I give you a ride home?" Tobi asked suddenly.

"Actually," Deidara whispered, his eyes locking with Tobi's, "I wanted to know if I could your place…" Tobi smiled, his eyes lighting up, "My brother has his girlfriend over, and I thought it would be weird if I was there…"

"Say no more," Tobi laughed, scooting closer to Deidara, "Actually there is one more thing… Say the word… ya know? That you are ready to leave."

"Hold on," Deidara said as he rose to his feet and took off leaving a puzzled Tobi behind. Deidara ran to the edge of the cliff and inhaled deeply, the beautiful night enveloping him. _This was perfect…_

"Okay," Deidara said, "I'm ready."

"Let's roll," Tobi winked.

* * *

**A\N: Short Chapter, but I needed to get some TobixDeidara in ;). Just so you know, from here on out, things will get a little more M rated xD. I think it's about time we see some action :3. Anywayy, this and the next chapter won't be very long. I am setting up for a meaningful chapter which I shall write this weekend. Love all you reviewers :3**

**SoleixDeidara3**

**Amidst all these flashing lights, I pray the Fame won't take my life - Lady Gaga.**


	8. Sorrow of the Fame Monster

Sorrow of the Fame Monster

_"I never wanted it to be like this… I never wanted it to end. But what could I have done to make you see? I needed more. I wanted more. I had to have more. For, you see, I was in the light of the fame. The light of the fame had embraced me, and there was no way I could just leave it behind. Please understand. I want only what is best for you… I'm not worth it. I am loyal to none but the fame. And, if to climb higher I must leave you, it shall be done, with not a moment's hesitation. You should've known what I was—what I am. I am nothing but a Fame Monster, and I belong to no one…_"

Deidara sat in the passenger's seat as Tobi drove down the highway, the world a mere blur of silver and black. The moon cast a pale light on the earth, but it was more beauty than illumination.

"Such beauty… Only Nature could create such glorious art," Deidara sighed as he hugged his knees to his chest.

"What?" Tobi asked.

"Nothing," Deidara breathed, "it's nothing…"

_"Art shall be the gateway, my soul shall be the key, and the Fame lies beyond. I am almost upon it, but you cannot follow me. I must walk this path alone. I must face the world alone. I do not want you to suffer for my ideals." Deidara said as he rose to his feet. _

_"I don't understand…?" Konan said, distress on her face, "What is wrong? Do you not love me?"_

_Deidara turned away from her and wiped a tear from his eye. "No, Konan," he sighed, "I do love you, but not in the way you love me… I never could love you in that way. You have my soul, but not my heart. It was never yours."_

_Konan choked back a sob. "Then all of this… meant nothing to you?"_

_"No, it meant everything," Deidara said, tears beginning to trickle from his eyes, "I just cannot go on letting you believe a lie. I am gay, Konan. I'm sorry, but I am. Please try to understand._

_"You're… gay?" Konan said, her face blank._

_"Yes," Deidara sighed, "I am a child born of the Fame. I am finally ready to be who I truly am. I am sorry if you are hurt, but I needed you. The world is cruel to those who cannot defend themselves, and I am no exception. But, I am stronger now, I will not bow down anymore. I will be free."_

_"I need to go…" Konan cried. Without another word she turns and runs out of the room, the door slamming in the distance._

_"I will always love you…" Deidara murmured, "forgive me…" He slumped to his knees and, finally, the tears flowed freely…_

"Tobi," Deidara asked, "Do you really think I'm beautiful."

"More than beautiful," Tobi said immediately, "you are beautiful on the inside. And that matters more than anything. Anyone can put on a pretty face. I want something real—"

"Then why do you like me?" Deidara blurted, "I am the farthest thing from real."

"I already told you…" Tobi breathed, "Okay here we are…" Tobi said as they came to a stop in front of an apartment building.

"You live by yourself?" Deidara stammered, his face burning.

"What," Tobi winked, "You don't think I can take care of myself?"

"It's not that…" Deidara began, "it's just I didn't know we'd be… alone…"

Tobi placed his arm around Deidara's shoulders. "Excited?" Tobi laughed, "Kidding, my parents are somewhat of homophobes, so they kicked me out. I've been lonely, well other than my friends, but… I was hoping… never mind, let's go inside."

"Okay," Deidara smiled. He got out of the car and followed Tobi toward the apartment building. Tobi led him up a flight of steps, and, Tobi's pockets jingling as he fished his keys out, he pushed open a door and Deidara followed him inside.

"Welcome to my mansion," Tobi said sarcastically as he flipped on the lights. The Lady Gaga poster in the corner caught his attention immediately. Deidara could not hide his squeal of excitement.

"_You_ like Lady Gaga?!" Deidara said in awe. Tobi whirled to face him, his face red with embarrassment.

"N-No… what gave y-you that i-idea...?" Tobi stammered. Deidara giggled and embraced Tobi, his head only going up to Tobi's shoulders, and Tobi responded by wrapping his arms around Deidara's waist.

"Your secret is safe with me, little monster," Deidara whispered. Tobi's arms tightened and he buried his face in Deidara's hair.

"Thank you. That means a lot, especially coming from you. Oh, would you mind if I go shower?" Tobi said.

"No," Deidara said, "should I just wait in here?"

"You could always shower with me," Tobi said casually, "I would enjoy _that._" Deidara gave Tobi a withering look and Tobi put his hands into the air innocently.

"You asked what you should do," Tobi winked, "I was just giving you a suggestion."

"I'll pass," Deidara smiled, "I'm not _that _crazy… well I am, but you would never know that." Tobi burst into laughter.

"Don't be so sure," he smirked, "the night is still young and we are _alone._ Who knows, maybe I will get lucky yet."

"I doubt it." Deidara said bitterly, but, seeing Tobi's pained expressions, Deidara smiled and softened his gaze.

"I'm kidding," Deidara laughed, "Well… kinda. It's a little soon for that, don't you think?" Tobi gazed at Deidara intensely for a second, and, if only for an instant, Deidara thought he saw a flash of longing deep within his red irises; a shiver running through Deidara and he forced himself to look away.

"Yeah…" Tobi began, "I was kidding. Okay, I am going to shower. If you want to play some music, my Ipod Speakers are on the table in my bedroom." Tobi turned away and strode out of the room, Deidara relaxing as he felt his piercing stare finally leave him. Deidara heard the water begin to run and sighed and sat down on the couch, gazing blankly at the floor.

_Okay, music sounds a-m-a-z-i-n-g right now. He said in his room…_ Deidara got up and walked over to the only other door, which he hoped, was the bedroom. He walked inside, flipped on the switch, and closed the door behind him, and, to his delight, he saw the speakers resting on the table. Taking out his phone, he plugged it into the speakers and began to scroll through his playlist. _Ahh here it is_.

Deidara touched his phone and the once quiet room blossomed to life with song.

**_"We are the crowd, were co-coming out_**

**_ Got my flash on it's true. Need that picture of you._**

**_ It's so magical. We'd be so fantastical."_**

Though the music blared through the room, Deidara swore he heard the water turn off. _I must be hearing things. He couldn't have showered in five minutes. _

_**I'm your biggest fan. I'll follow you until you love me**_

**_ Papa-Paparazzi_**

**_Baby there's no other superstar, you'll know that I'll be _**

**_ Your Papa-Paparazzi_**

**_ Promise I'll be kind, but I won't stop until that boy is mine._**

**_ Baby you'll be famous chase you down until you love me…_**

**_ Papa-Paparazzi"_**

****Deidara jumped to his feet as, faintly, he heard the door begin to open. To his horror, Tobi walked in, wearing nothing. Deidara stole a quick glance down, and his mind began to panic.

_Oh. My. God. He's naked, and I saw __**him**_**, **_and I'm in here, and he's in here, and—I need to get out._

Tobi finally looked up, and he burst into laughter. "Sorry," he managed to say in between his laughter, "I didn't know you were in here." Deidara noticed that, not only did he make no effort to conceal himself, he wasn't even embarrassed.

"Are you not freaked out… at all?" Deidara exclaimed, "You are _naked_ and I am in the same room as you! Looking at you—"

"So you are looking at me, huh?" Tobi teased.

"NO!," Deidara stammered, "I mean, not like that. It's just you are—"

"Muscular?" Tobi supplied, "or maybe hot?" Deidara fell, face-first, down on the bed in defeat.

"Yes…" Deidara sighed, "and it kills me."

"Why?" Tobi asked.

"Because, I keep having the revelation that you are too good for me over and over again," Deidara mumbled. Suddenly, his heart nearly exploding, Deidara realized Tobi had sat down on the bed next to him, his hand on his back.

"You doubt yourself to much," Tobi whispered, leaning in close so that his lips were brushing Deidara's ear. Deidara knew he was about to pass out.

"Can you… move away a little," Deidara stuttered, "I am a little… nervous."

"Why?" Tobi teased as he wrapped his arms around Deidara waist and picked him up, "Because I'm _naked?"_

_Yes that is __**exactly **__why! _"Tobi," Deidara screamed as he was trapped in Tobi's arms and carried toward the living room, "Stop!"

"Okay," Tobi laughed as he set Tobi down on the couch, "I'll leave you alone. Be right back; I need to change." Tobi walked back towards his room, leaving distressed Deidara alone on the couch.

"Could I really be… falling for him?" Deidara wondered aloud. "I suppose… I could be…." Deidara leaned back against the couch, and, the weight of the world finally bearing down on him, he realized how tired he was. In moments his vision faded into black as he slipped into a deep sleep.

Deidara opened his eyes to see Tobi standing over him, now only wearing shorts. He looked worried, and tears seemed to be flowing from his eyes.

"All I want to do is make you happy," Deidara heard Tobi breathe, "but you keep pushing me away. I just want you to realize how great you really are… But I am so afraid that you won't love me…" Tobi sighed and sat down on the couch near Deidara's feet.

"I wonder if you love me…" Tobi murmured, "you say you are nothing but a slut, but I doubt it… You can't be—there is more to you than that. I know who you really are, and I have been in love with that person for as long as I can remember… If only you were awake, you could hear my words and you would understand, but I could never say this to you if you were."

Deidara felt his eyes grow heavy, and they began to close. As he drifted back into sleep, he caught Tobi's final words.

"I love you, Deidara. I wish you knew that." Deidara's hearing faded.

Deidara woke up with a start. He scanned the dark room and found no trace of anyone. _It was just a dream. Nothing more. _However, Deidara knew he was not convinced. He walked to Tobi's room, pushed open the door, and walked inside. He saw Tobi sleeping peacefully on his bed. _It was just a dream. Nothing more._

Deidara shivered, he hadn't realized how cold it was in Tobi's house. Feeling a moment of boldness, he slid in bed next to Tobi and closed his eyes. He was faintly aware of Tobi's arm wrapping around him, but he didn't struggle. It actually felt nice.

Smiling to himself, he slowly drifted off to sleep, a single thought dancing in his mind.

_It was just a dream. Nothing more._

* * *

**A/N: Another Semi-Short chapter, but I'm busy lately, and I am trying to set up a MEGA CHAPTER :3 So be prepared, wear a helmet, for your minds are going to be blown. :) Oh, and a shoutout to one of my favorite Reviewers :3 who messages me about my story 3 **

**YfyF12, You are amazing 3. Okay :) Well review, tell me what you think. Things are going to get M Rated...er... from here on out xD. Even though I think I said that already. You get the idea. :0 Okay, Solei out 3**

**SoleixDeidara3**

**And to think I almost gave away my chance for the fame**

**All because of you**

**But you would never be the same. **

**So what could I ever do?**

**Remember when your world fades to black.**

**That the world does not always give what it takes back...**


	9. That Empty Feeling

That Empty Feeling

Deidara woke up gazing at Tobi's face, his black hair a mess and his normally sharp features softened by sleep. _He almost looks… vulnerable, like a lost child. _Deidara stared at him, and, in a few minutes, Tobi's eyes opened and met his gaze, their fiery depths looking as intense as ever.

"Morning," Tobi smiled as he wrapped his arms around Deidara and pulled him to his chest. Deidara felt a shiver run through him—Tobi was shirtless—but he didn't fight back; he just let Tobi embrace him. _This actually feels… nice._ On impulse, Deidara buried his face in Tobi's chest, and Tobi's hand came to rest on the back of Deidara's neck.

"What up with you," Tobi laughed, "Normally, you wouldn't even come near me. Now, not only are you snuggling with me, you came into my room."

"I was alone," Deidara murmured, "and I didn't want to be alone."

"You'll never be alone," Tobi said, a sudden intensity in his words, "I will see to that." Deidara felt his face burn, and he buried his face deeper into Tobi, hoping it would conceal his mad blushing.

"Thank you…" Deidara whispered, "But, I really think we should… you know, get up? School starts in, what, twenty minutes?" Tobi let out a groan.

"Uggh, I hate school," He moaned, "All it does is keep me away from people that I care about." _Could he mean me—forget it, enough of this. You are not dating him and you are not in love with him… uggh, get your ass out of bed._

Somewhat reluctantly, Deidara squirmed out of Tobi's arms and sat up, earning a frown from Tobi.

"Are you sure we can't just skip?" Tobi said dejectedly. Deidara felt his heart drop as he saw the hurt on Tobi's face, but he knew he had to hold his ground.

"Yes," Deidara said adamantly, "we have to go to school. Besides, we are almost done. We have, what, three weeks until summer? You can hold out that long."

"Only if you promise to spend the majority of those three weeks with me," Tobi smiled.

"Fair enough," Deidara said as he stood up, "Now, I need to go put on my makeup. I've only worn eyeliner for almost two days; I need to get back on my level—I have appearances to upkeep you know." Tobi sighed.

"Do you have to wear all that makeup?" Tobi breathed, "I think you look sooo much hotter with just eyeliner." Deidara regarded Tobi for a moment, catching his gaze.

"If you don't wear your hoodie to school, I won't wear anything but eyeliner." Deidara said evenly. Tobi's eyes flashed. _Is he… afraid? Or is he just so used to hiding. _

"O-Okay…" Tobi stammered, "I won't wear it." Deidara stared at him in surprise.

"R-Really?" Deidara said in awe, "Okay, let me just go put on eyeliner and we can leave. I brought a spare shirt and some black and white skinny jeans. Can you get them out of my bag for me?"

"Sure," Tobi smiled.

"Oh, and Tobi?" Deidara began.

"What?" Tobi asked.

"Would you sit at my table at lunch today?" Deidara asked. Tobi regarded him thoughtfully, and he cleared his throat.

"How about you sit with me?" Tobi urged, "I sit with Temari, Haku, Kisame, and Shikamaru." Deidara felt an ugly feeling in his stomach at the mention of Kisame.

"Okay," He said, unable to mask the unease in his voice, "Only if Konan can sit with us."

"Fair enough," Tobi smiled, "Now go get ready. We have 14 minutes."

"On it," Deidara said as he left the room, a spring in his step.

"So Tobi actually isn't… you know, a freak?" Konan asked her eyes wide.

"No," Deidara assured, "He's actually… amazing. Konan he is amazing! And I convinced him not to wear his hoodie today. Just wait until you see him!"

"Sounds like someone is in love," Konan teased, "and, really? This I have to see. Is he ugly?"

"No," Deidara laughed, "He is _hot_. No joke." Deidara's last words were cut off by the bell.

"Alright," Konan smiled, "I will see you at lunch." Konan walked off toward her class and Deidara sighed as he began to head toward his Calculus Class. Deidara _hated _Calculus, for more reasons than one. Besides the fact that he viewed all math as irrelevant, his teacher was some bimbo with scraggly ass ski-feet. The worst part was, since Deidara had her right before lunch, she got her food early and was smacking obnoxiously the whole time.

"Good afternoon *gulp*," Mrs. Shizune said in between chewing, "Have a seat anywhere you like, Deidara. I am just finishing up my lunch." _Yeah, and that will take you all period you cow._

"Okay," Deidara said, putting on his best smile. Deidara walked over and sat in the back of the class. Deidara pulled out his sketchbook and began nonchalantly drawing an eye, but, suddenly, a bluish, pale hand picked up his sketchbook and closed it. Deidara looked up to meet Kisame's gaze.

"Hey Deidara," Kisame smirked, "Mind if I sit with you?" _Crap, I forgot he had this class with me. How have I never noticed that?_ _Go on, say no…_

"Umm," Deidara stammered, "I… don't mind…" _Coward._

"Good," Kisame grinned as he sat down _right_ next to Deidara, "This class should be more fun. I never really thought we would be friends, but then Tobi started talking to you, and I felt that I should too."

"Yeah," Deidara said distantly, "Look, I actually have to pay attention in this class. I _suck _at math."

"Well maybe I can tutor you sometime," Kisame grinned mischievously, "And then instead of sucking at math you can suck something else."

"You wish," Deidara said in disgust, catching the joke. Kisame winked.

"You never know, ya know?" He said, "You know what I mean."

"I'm confused." Deidara said.

"Me too," Kisame laughed, "Okay, let's just get this class over with."

"Agreed," Deidara smiled.

"Okay, where is he?" Konan said eagerly.

"He is over there, see?" Deidara said, pointing at Tobi who sat next to Shikamaru, Temari, Kisame, but Haku wasn't there.

"_That's him?"_ Konan said in disbelief, "no way. He's—"

"Hot," Deidara finished.

"Very hot," Konan sighed, "lucky you. You always get the good ones."

"You're right," Deidara smiled, "Like when I had you." Konan laughed and shoved him playfully.

"Yeah, I am pretty great," she smiled, "well, what are we waiting for? Let's go sit with him!" Deidara walked next to Konan over to the table. Tobi wore a plain black shirt and dark blue jeans that hugged his athletic build. _He is hot._

"Hey," Deidara smiled as he sat down next to Tobi. Konan squeezed in between Kisame to sit by Deidara.

"Hey Kisame," Tobi said suddenly, "Where is Haku?" Kisame's face briefly flashed in pain, but it was gone as soon as it had come.

"He is sitting with Zabuza," Kisame said indifferently, "Not a major loss."

"Sorry to hear that," Tobi said, sympathy lacing his words_. _

_"Just so you know," Kisame whispered, his breath hot against Deidara's neck, "if I do happen to break up with Haku, I am coming for you. That is, if Tobi hasn't gotten to you first. Remember that." Oh no…_

Deidara scooted closer to Tobi, but, unable to resist he glanced over Konan's shoulder to look at Kisame. Kisame's eyes were trained on him. Try as he might, for the rest of lunch, Deidara could not ignore Kisame's piercing gaze. Even as the bell rang and he got up to walk out of the cafeteria, he felt his gaze upon him, watching, watching, watching…

"Hey Tobi," Deidara said as he took out his ponytail and began to brush out his hair, "Do you want to do something this weekend?"

"Like what?" Tobi asked.

"I don't know…" Deidara began. _Anything to get away from Kisame. _

"We could go to the beach?" Tobi suggested, "I know there perfect place. It's _totally _secluded.

"The beach…" Deidara trailed off.

"Yeah, the beach," Tobi said, confusion hinted in his voice, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Deidara said, "Can you take me home now?"

"Sure," Tobi smiled, "Let me get my keys." Tobi left his bedroom to look for his keys.

"I'm fine," Deidara sighed. Suddenly, his phone vibrated. He unlocked it and a text from Kisame shone up at him.

**_Hey, do you want to come over this weekend? ;) _**

_I'm fine…_ **Umm, maybe… I think I am hanging out with Tobi.**

**_Okay, but are you hanging out with Tobi late at night?_**

**Probably not…**

**_Good, I will see you then ;)_**

**Okay…**

_I'm fine._

"Ready to go?" Tobi called out, making Deidara jump.

"Yeah, coming," Deidara called back.

_I'm fine. _

As Deidara got in the car, he kept repeating the words over and over, but, in the end he knew that they didn't sound reassuring.

_I'm fine._

"Okay, so the beach this weekend," Tobi smiled, "I can't wait."

"Me either," Deidara said distantly. Concern flashed on Tobi's face.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine…" Deidara murmured, the words almost void of all emotion. Finally he knew what they were, why they didn't seem reassuring. They were a lie…

* * *

**A/N: -_- Okay I wanted to get a chapter off before the week :). So here it is :D ahead of schedule yes? It's kind of a filler, but I think it is pretty okay :). Oh, and I believe my hearts keep showing up as 3's -_- (3 3 3) The 3's to the left should be hearts. Anyway :) Over and out :) I need to get to sleep soon -_- XC in the morning. For the record I am NOT FAT (Inside thing, PLease ignore my insanity) **

**SoleixDeidara3**

**Embrace your imperfections, but do not run toward the light**

**For there are times when it is better to hide in the night**

**Embrace your insanity, but do not be enveloped in your mind**

**For in my slurred reality, I am running out of time. **

**Running out of time... :P**


	10. Split Decisions

Split Decisions

Deidara breathed the ocean air in deeply, the salty tang of the sea filling his nose, and he sighed contentedly to himself. _Every day with Tobi seems perfect. _He walked toward the still-wet shore, the deep blue surf breaking against the sand, and, as the water washed over his toes, he felt the urge to dance away from the chilling waves.

"Tobi," Deidara smiled, "Thank you for bringing me here." Tobi, his hair windblown and his bare chest glistening with water, looked sexy, and Deidara felt the usual disbelief he felt when he saw Tobi gaze at him _that_ way.

"No problem," Tobi smiled, the corners of his lips curling up mischievously, "but I have a problem?"

"What is it?" Deidara asked, genuinely curious.

"The water is cold," Tobi began, "and I need something to keep me warm, and, since I have no towel, you will have to do." Before Deidara could react, Tobi lunged forward and embraced him in a vice-like hug, Deidara's back popping as Tobi squeezed harder.

"Can't… breaf…" Deidara managed to choke out.

"I'm sorry," Tobi smirked, "I didn't catch that." He squeezed tighter.

"That's… it…" Deidara whispered. He bent his knees and sprung up, hoping to tackle Tobi to the ground, but Tobi used this as an opportunity to lift Deidara into his arms.

"Got you," Tobi smiled, "Now you are my prisoner." Deidara laughed, brushing his stray bangs out of his face.

"Where are you taking me?" Deidara smiled.

"Close your eyes," Tobi said, "It's a surprise." Deidara obeyed, a smile playing across his lips as Tobi's hand covered his eyes. Deidara sat in Tobi's arms, no idea how much time had passed. Finally, Tobi set him down and took his hand off of Deidara's eyes. Deidara took in the scene before him, a black and white checkered picnic blanket with a basket full of PB and J's crowning it, and a Tobi's Portable speakers lay on one side of the blanket.

"Go put on a song," Tobi smirked, "I wanted to make today… somewhat romantic…"

"I have the perfect thing," Deidara said mischievously, "Hold up." Deidara plugged his phone in a scrolled down to _Monster, Nicki Minaj Verse._

_**"Pull up in the monster**_

**_ Automobile gangster_**

**_ With a bad b-tch that came from Sri Lanka_**

**_ Yeah I'm in that Tonka, color of Willy Wonka_**

**_ You could be the King but watch the Queen conquer_**

**_ Ok first things first I'll eat your brains_**

**_ Then Ima start rocking gold teeth and fangs_**

**_ Cause that's what a muthafucking monster do_**

**_ Hairdresser from milan, thats the monster do_**

**_ Monster Giuseppe heel that's the monster shoe_**

**_ Young money is the roster in the monster crew_**

**_ And I'm all up all up all up in the bank with the funny face_**

**_ And if I'm fake I aint notice cause my money aint_**

"Umm, wow," Tobi said in disbelief.

"Wait," Deidara smiled, "It's not over."

**_ So let me get this straight look I'm the rookie_**

**_ But my features and my shows ten times your pay_**

**_ 50k for a verse no album out!_**

**_ Yeah my money's so tall that my barbie's gotta climb it_**

**_ Hotter than a middle eastern climate, find it_**

**_ Tony Matterhorn dutty whine it_**

**_ Whine it, nicki on them titties when I sign it_**

**_ How these niggas so one-track minded_**

**_ But really really I don't give a F-U-C-K_**

**_ Forget barbie fuck nicki cause she's fake_**

**_ She on a diet but her pockets eating cheese cake_**

**_ And I'll say bride of Chucky is Child's play_**

**_ Just killed another career it's a mild day_**

**_ Besides 'Ye they can't stand besides me_**

**_ I think think me, you and 'em should Minaj friday_**

**_ Pink wig thick ass give em whip lash_**

**_ I think big get cash make em blink fast_**

**_ Now look at what you just saw this is what you live for_**

**_ Aaahhhh, I'm a muthaf-cking monster!"_**

The song ended, and the music died down. "Wow," Tobi said, whistling slowly, "the stuff you listen to…"

"Is amazing," Deidara smiled innocently, "I know. Now, let's eat. I'm actually hungry for once."

"You mean you are actually going to listen to your growling stomach for once?" Tobi said. Deidara ignored him. They each ate 4 sandwiches, leaving about 4 left.

"That. Was. Amazing." Deidara smiled, "you, sir, are a master of the Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich.

"That's not all I'm a master of," Tobi said with a wink. _Oh, so he wants to play that way._ Deidara crawled over to Tobi, his hair hanging in his face, and, before Tobi could realize what was happening, Deidara tackled him to the ground and straddled his groin. Deidara pressed his hips deep into Tobi, earning a groan.

"So," Deidara smirked, "You still think I'm not a slut?" Deidara didn't give Tobi a chance to reply; he pushed Tobi's legs farther apart until his ass was right on Tobi's crotch. Deidara noticed Tobi had begun to pant, clearly trying to control himself.

"Well," Deidara said as he lifted up and drove his hips down again, causing Tobi to groan, "I'm waiting for an answer."

"You're… not… a… slut," Tobi panted. Deidara placed his hands on Tobi's shoulders for support and thrust his hips down, hard. This time, Tobi bucked up into Deidara, and a smile laced Deidara's lips.

"Are you sure?" Deidara said coyly.

"Yes. I. Am!" Tobi said through grit teeth as he bucked up with such force that Deidara fell off. Deidara just laughed as he brushed sand off his shirt.

"You know," Deidara smiled, "I really love teasing you." Tobi just glared at him, "Aww, did I lead you on too far?" Suddenly, Tobi lunged forward, and, so fast Deidara had no time to react, he kissed him on the cheek.

"I lov… never mind." Tobi began but faltered, "Hey, wanna go swim or something?

"Sure," Deidara said quietly, still stunned. _He just… kissed me… kind of. But, what was he about to say…_

"Alright," Tobi smiled, "Let's go."

They swam until it was so dark, they couldn't see each other when they were nearly 2 meters away. As Deidara clambered out of the water, the spot on his cheek where Tobi's lips had come in contact with his face still felt warm, like a lone ember radiating heat amidst a pile of ashes.

"I'm freezing," Tobi said, his teeth chattering, "What about you?"

"No," Deidara said smiling, "I am not cold in the least. But, it's getting late. Can you take me home?"

"On it," Tobi winked.

"Bye Tobi," Deidara smiled as Tobi walked him to his door, "Thank you so much for the surprise… it was great."

"See you tomorrow?" Tobi asked. _Today is Saturday… I can hang out with him Sunday. _

"Of course," Deidara smiled, "see you then." Deidara watched as Tobi drove off, and, as soon as he was out of sight, his phone vibrated. _Did he forget something?_

_**Hey Deidara, I will pick you up in 10 minutes. ;) Be ready. **_

_ Crap Kisame. I told him I would… _**Okay…**

**_See you then :)_**

Deidara sighed and banged his head against the door, yelping in pain as his forehead came in contact with the wood. _Great, maybe he will just want to watch a movie…_

Deidara went in to his living room and sat down on the couch, and, in what seemed seconds, the lights of Kisame's car flashed outside. _Here we go._

Putting on his best smile, Deidara walked outside. Kisame was leaning against his blue sports car.

"Hop in," He said, flashing a toothy grin.

"So what do you wanna watch," Kisame said coolly as he inched closer to Deidara on the couch, his leg now pressing against his. Deidara pretended not to notice.

"Do you have anything scary?" Deidara asked, Kisame eyes lighting up at the word scary.

"Dark House," he said instantly, "I will put it in." He jumped up from the couch and, sorting through a pile of dvd's he found the one he was looking for and put it in. He returned to the couch, and, as the movie started, he put his arm around Deidara. Deidara flashed him a look, but said nothing.

So, the movie was basically about this lady that murdered her entire orphanage, and then killed herself. And the hoe wanted to go back to the house for closure to take care of her nightmares, and she did so under the guise of wanted her acting glass to help out in the haunted house that was being set up there. In short, the holograms come to life and all of her friends were killed. However, the insane woman in the attic genuinely scared Deidara.

The credits began rolling and Kisame scooted _very_ close to Deidara. Deidara tried to inch away, but Kisame's arm wrapped around his shoulder and pulled him in close. Deidara couldn't help but notice how muscular Kisame's arm was.

"See anything you like," Kisame joked.

"Yeah, the door," Deidara said bitterly.

"Oh, don't play hard to get…" Kisame began, his hand sliding down Deidara's back and coming to rest on his ass. "I _always_ get what I want." Deidara shivered.

"Maybe with other guys, but not me," Deidara murmured. Suddenly, Kisame hoisted Deidara up and placed him on his lap, their eyes almost level, but Kisame still somewhat towered over Deidara.

"What are you—" Kisame gripped the back of Deidara head by the hair and drove him toward him, their lips meeting. Deidara squealed quietly in protest as Kisame's tongue drove into his mouth. Deidara tried to resist, but Kisame was infinitely more dominant.

"I'm giving you what you have wanted for a long time," Kisame whispered, his breath hot in Deidara's ear, "Someone who actually cares about you, but isn't afraid to get dirty."

Deidara moaned as Kisame gripped his ass with his free hand, and Kisame bucked up into him slightly. Deidara felt Kisame through his pants, but, try as he might, he was trapped. And, the worst part was, he was enjoying it. Kisame broke the kiss.

"More?" Kisame smirked as he ripped of his shirt. Deidara's mouth dropped open as he saw Kisame's chest. _He's even more muscular than Tobi…_

"…Yes…" Deidara sighed in defeat. Kisame pressed Deidara into him, and Deidara felt a chill run through his body. Kisame was hard, and it was getting harder to ignore.

"What do you say…" Kisame grinned, "We go into my room?" Deidara stared at Kisame for a full minute.

"Okay…" He whispered.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, Not sure about the spacing now :0, but linebreakers are a no go... for now. Anywayy, :) New Chapter is done. WAYYY ahead of schedule :) Praise me, Little Monsters. I need sleep though :( boo. Well that is all for now. Tell me what you think in the reviews :)**

**SoleixDeidara3 - I know that is a 3 -_- but it is a heart. **

**( A Rap for today :) Ghetto mood)**

**Bitches wanna take me out, I say no**

**Because they think they tough shit, she just a stupid hoe**

**I don't believe we've met, you say you are the primer?**

**Bitch I have so much money, boy I gotta climb it**

**Now hate me for what I do, I don't care**

**I aint gotta wonder whether, not you think it's fair**

**So listen to me hoe, this is the end**

**Stop all the frontins, acting like you a friend**

**Cause you know yo not, you know you done**

**Because, face it bitch, I am the da number one. **


	11. Grief

Grief

Deidara sat next to Kisame on his bed, Kisame's tongue exploring Deidara's neck, but Deidara for some reason wasn't happy anymore.

"You ready?" Kisame asked as he unbuckled his pants.

"As I'll ever be…" Deidara murmured. Kisame got on his knees so that Deidara's eyes were eye level with his crotch, and, shuffling toward Deidara, he pulled Deidara into him. Deidara felt _Kisame _against his cheek through his thin boxer-briefs, and Deidara sat there compliantly as Kisame's [(ugghh at the risk of sounding beyond trashy)] boner grew. _He is… big… scary big…_

"You don't seem to be having fun," Kisame pouted, "Let me help you." Kisame tugged off Deidara's shirt and, laying down on the bed, hoisted Deidara onto his lap.

"Wanna do a little dance for me," Kisame winked. Deidara obliged and ground on Kisame. Kisame's hands came to grip Deidara's ass, and Deidara let out a small shriek. _Do I really want him touching me like this? _

"Alright, my turn," Kisame laughed. He grabbed Deidara and, using one hand to pin both his arms to the headboard, he [(again, this probably sounds trashy af -_- but what am I gonna do? Sorry for the remainder of this chapter xD)] began to dry hump Deidara's ass. Deidara let out a fake groan, and, hearing this, Kisame drove his hips in deeper. _Okay, no matter what I am not having sex with him. Not yet, anyway. This shit would hurt. _

"Okay, Deidara," Kisame smirked as he pulled down his boxer-briefs, "Give me a little action." Deidara, reluctantly, placed both his hands on Kisame's disco stick and began to lean down. However, before his mouth came to the tip, Deidara let go and sat up.

"I can't," Deidara whispered, "Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom." Deidara got up and threw on his shirt leaving a confused Kisame sitting naked on the bed.

_How could I do that? Have I no self-respect?_

Deidara slammed the door to the bathroom and leaned against the wall. _I am a monster. But, what did I expect? I am a creature born of the fame…_

_"Your gay?" Sasori said slowly, "Like, forreal?" _

_ "Yeah," Deidara sighed, "Do you think I'm a monster too?"_

_ "No," Sasori assured, "I love you no matter what, it's just… you will have a lot of people that hate you, and I hope you are strong enough to take it…"_

_ "I am," Deidara smiled weakly, "trust me. I can handle anything. __**Anything.**__"_

_ "For your sake I hope you are right…" Sasori joked._

_ "Yeah…" Deidara replied._

_ "So… what are you going to do now?" Sasori asked. _

_ "Well… I got a bunch of makeup in the bathroom from Hot Topic… I think I will go reinvent myself."_

_ "Good," Sasori smiled, "Show me when you are done…"_

_ Five minutes later, Deidara came out of the bathroom with striking makeup cloaking his face, turning him into a being with almost ethereal beauty._

_ "You look," Sasori began, "beautiful." Deidara could only smile…_

Deidara gazed at himself in the bathroom mirror, and, for the first time in what seemed like years, he viewed himself as ugly. His face looked as beautiful as ever, no blemishes, his pale skin seeming to give off a soft moonlight-like glow, and his eyes were startling with just heavy black eyeliner with prongs extending an inch out on each side, but, as the pit in his stomach confirmed, his inner beauty—as Tobi had called it—was anything but gorgeous.

"You coming," Kisame called out, his voice slightly impatient.

"Hold on," Deidara called back, "Give me a minute." Deidara's words came out slightly harsher than he intended.

"Okay," Kisame said, "Are you okay?" Those three words stunned Deidara, and, finally, he couldn't take anymore.

"Tobi…" Deidara said, his voice barely a whisper and tears beginning to trickle from his eyes. He felt his heart drop. How could he forget Tobi so easily? Tobi maybe—no definitely, loved Deidara but for more than just his looks; he loved him for his heart—his personality.

"I can't do this…" Deidara murmured, tears now blurring his vision.

"I understand," Kisame said as he wrapped his arms around Deidara's waist. Deidara gasped and turned around to face him. He hadn't even realized Kisame was behind him—the tears must have blurred out his figure in the mirror.

"Your body may belong to no one… but your heart belongs to Tobi," Kisame smiled bitterly, "and, as a friend, I can't do this to him any more than you could. Maybe one day, we can be together…" Deidara looked into Kisame's eyes, his pupils holding the icy intensity like that of a shark hunting its prey, and, as Kisame wiped a tear from his eye, he laid his face on Kisame's chest.

"Thank you," Deidara whispered. Before Kisame could respond, Deidara got up on his tip toes and, Kisame meeting him the rest of the way, their lips met. Deidara held the kiss for 15 seconds before breaking it and standing back on his feet.

"Go," Kisame said solemnly, "Forget this happened… for now…" Deidara noticed Kisame's eyes held what looked like brimming tears, and, for the first time, the primordial glint was softened to that of a lost animal.

"Kisame, I-I… love you… I just love Tobi more… Please try to understand," Deidara murmured. With that, Deidara left the bathroom, and walked out to the front of Kisame's house. As he pulled out his phone to text Tobi, he glanced up, and, to his horror, he saw Tobi's truck in the driveway.

_What is he doing here…?_ Deidara felt panic rise in his chest. His panic increased tenfold as he saw that Tobi's car was empty. Suddenly, two hands grabbed Deidara's shoulders from behind, and Deidara let out a small scream. The two hands roughly turned him around, and Deidara came eye to eye with Tobi; his fiery red eyes glowing with anger, but also another feeling. _Betrayal._

Deidara couldn't speak; he couldn't bring himself to get past the look in Tobi's eyes. Finally, Tobi, his voice choking on his grief, said something.

"Why?" Tobi sobbed.

"I-I-I… didn't… d-do anything," Deidara said, his tears that still remained from Kisame words pouring fresh, "P-Please b-believe me…"

"I need to go…" Tobi said, "But I assume you need a ride home?" Deidara, his heart cracking as he realized Tobi didn't want to look at him, but he still loved him enough that he wouldn't leave Deidara.

"You don't… h-have to…" Deidara murmured.

"I know," Tobi said coldly, "but I can't leave you here with _him_." The last word came off Tobi's lips as if it were poison.

"Thank you," Deidara said.

"Forget it," Tobi said emotionlessly. Deidara climbed into Tobi's car, and Tobi began to drive toward Deidara's house. Deidara kept trying to speak, but he couldn't bring himself to say a word. They rode in silence, and, when they pulled in to Deidara's driveway, Deidara brought himself to speak.

"Nothing happened." Deidara said quietly, "I loved you too much to do that." Tobi regarded Deidara with a thoughtful look. He wanted to trust him, but Deidara knew he wouldn't be able to bring himself to do it.

"I… don't know what to think," Tobi said slowly, "Goodnight, Deidara." Before Deidara could reply, Tobi slammed the car door. He peeled out of his driveway in a flurry of gravel and dust, and Deidara was left standing, his head hung low and bangs covering his face.

` **_"I can't believe, how you slurred at me with your half-wired broken jaw_**

**_ You popped my heart seams, all my bubble dreams, bubble dreams…"_**

Deidara's eyes hadn't ceased crying for nearly two hours. He felt hollow and fake—something he had strived his whole life not to be. But, then again, how could he think that. All he really was without the mask of makeup was a shallow, fake whore.

As he sat there on his bed, he, as if in a dream, got up and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind himself. _Tobi… doesn't love me… anymore…_

He fished through the drawers until he found something tucked far back, hidden amidst the clutter. _He doesn't… want… to look at me…_

Still feeling under the surrealistic trance, he pressed the object, a gleaming razor blade, dried blood coating the edge, against his wrist, and, with a quick jerk of his arm, Deidara sliced a clean slit on his wrist. He cut again and again, until both his arms had seven slits on each side. _I am… undone…_

As the blood began to flow profusely from the wounds, Deidara snapped back into reality. _Shit! What the hell was I thinking? Shit, Shit, Shit… I need to stop the bleeding… _

Deidara lunged for the toilet paper roll and, jerking it so hard that almost the entire roll comes off, he pressed it against his wounds. The snow white toilet paper instantly turned a deep crimson. _Crap, there is too much… _Deidara suddenly stumbled, but managed to catch himself on the counter.

"Sasori," Deidara called out, regretting having to call his brother, but, he knew if he didn't get help soon he would blackout. Forever. He didn't answer. Suddenly, with a sickening feeling rising in Deidara heart, he realized Sasori was out with Hinata. He whipped out his phone and dialed Tobi's number.

After two rings, the call ended. _He's pissed… I will have to call Kisame. Damn._ Deidara scrolled to Kisame's number and, now struggling to remain on his feet, hit call. After three rings, Kisame picked up.

"Hey," Kisame said blankly.

"Kisame… I… am…. Bleeding out…." Deidara choked out, "Can you…. P-p-please c-come… take me… t-to the… hospital….?"

"Is this a joke?" Kisame said, anger rising in his voice.

"NO!" Deidara shrieked, tears flowing freely, "I… swear… shit…."

"What?" Kisame asked, worry now replacing the anger. Deidara struggled to speak, but he felt light-headed.

"Can't… talk… sleep…. Sounds… good…." Deidara said sleepily. Sleep did sound good, he realized. It sounded better than anything had all day—an escape from his sorrow, his pain.

"Deidara," Kisame said urgently, finally realizing he was serious, "do not… "

"I'm… *crash*," Deidara's words were cut off as he slumped to the ground, his last traces of consciousness fading. Deidara could faintly hear Kisame's voice. _Why is he so worried? It's just a nap… I'll only be out a few… hours…_

The world spun as Deidara's thoughts were swallowed by an inky darkness. _Nothing…._

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I said disco stick... Deal with it xD. If you guys don't mind me saying... more crude words, tell me xD. CLIFFHANGER! Poor Deidara :( Poor Tobi... Uggh forget Kisame. I actually think he is awesome. I didn't at first, because he was some brute force guy, but after his shark form I was hoookeeeddd. Anyway, New UPdate. I hope you loved it :) Your reviews mean a lot to me, so keep them coming Monsters ;) I was going to make this a super long chapter, but I am going to start a crossover project with SmilinForYa :D and I will do the next update this weekend. Oh, btw, in my opinion, SmilinForYa is the bomb at KH FF. Especially AxelxRoxas. So... check her out. :) You won't be disappointed. Peace :)**

**SoleixDeidara3 -(That is a heart dammit)**

**I smile for you, this curve on my face. **

**Sewn their with lies, corrupted lace**

**Now sleep, darling sleep, it is time to release.**

**May your suffering end, in my unholy peace... **


	12. Light

Light

Deidara faintly remembered what had happened. His arms pulsed gently with pain, and his mind seemed to be barely awake, but he was, nonetheless, hazily aware of what was going on around him. There seemed to be a machine near him—a monotone beeping being emitted from it. It made Deidara sleepy. He fought the feeling for a moment, but he couldn't resist the sweet temptation of unconsciousness. And so he didn't.

Deidara was once again conscious. The world was slightly clearer now, his eyes able to drink in his surroundings. White walls, that much he managed to determine. He saw movement near him, and his body tensed; his heart began to beat faster. Suddenly, the machine near to him began to beep faster, as if it were in tune with his heart. A blurry figure came closer to Deidara. He squinted, but he could make no connection to the face. However, he managed to, barely, catch three words.

"Doctor…. He's awake…" Deidara slipped back into blackness.

Deidara awakened the touch of skin on skin; someone's hand was resting on his. His mind was much clearer now, he could think clearly, but his senses were still somewhat deluded. He tried to speak, but the words felt like honey in his mouth.

"Doctor… He's awake," a female voice that Deidara faintly recognized said. "Oh thank god…"

"Stand back," A female voice that could only belong to the doctor commanded, "I need to check his vitals and make sure he is in stable condition. I don't want him passing out on us again."

Deidara smiled lazily as the doctor quickly checked his body for signs of problems. _This tickles… my arms don't hurt anymore though. Sleeping sounds good… but I have too much energy. _Deidara began to sit up, and his action was met with immediate chaos.

"Nurse, he can't move yet. Sedate him please." The Doctor snapped.

"But I thought you didn't want him to go back under," a new voice belonging to the nurse said quizzically.

"I don't, but it is better for him to be put out then to possibly damage himself further by movement. Sedate him, _now!_"

Deidara frowned—all this noise hurt his ears. Maybe he would go back to sleep, just to show them who was in charge. As if they could tell him to stay awake. As Deidara closed his eyes, he felt a cool feeling spread throughout his body, and the world became fuzzy again. Sleep overtook him almost immediately.

"Is he awake?" A the familiar female voice asked, concern in her words.

"Let me check," the Doctor said. Deidara had the idea that fooling the doctor would be fun. He did his best to show no signs of consciousness.

"I'm sorry," the doctor said dejectedly, "he hasn't woken up yet. The last dose might have put him into somewhat of a coma. I didn't want to, but I had no other options. In this state, his physical conditions will be well preserved. Oh, and that young man, Tobi, he has asked for your permission to see him again.

"Tell him not yet," the voice said sternly, "He is my son, and I will decide when that _monster_ can see him."

"Very well, I shall return." The doctor said. Deidara felt his mind swim with confusion. _Did she just say… son? Could it be my mom?_

"Mom?" Deidara said faintly. The reaction was immediate.

"Deidara? Deidara did you speak? Doctor! Doctor come quick, he's awake!" His mother, Mei Terumi, exclaimed.

Deidara's head hurt. His mom _wasn't _plaster-faced drunk? Why was she here—it's not like Deidara was in any trouble. He needed time to take this in. He closed his eyes and the harshness of the world vanished. He found it quite funny the voice's urgency seemed to reach its pinnacle as he drifted back into the sweet embrace of slumber. _Who cares what it wants. I need sleep. And besides, what is my mom doing here? As if she cares about me. _Deidara allowed himself to fully slip into slumber.

"Deidara," Tobi's voice rang out, piercing the veil of Deidara's hazy mind, "I… I don't have much time. The hospital staff won't will throw me out when they find me, and I only stalled the guards for a few minutes at best, but… I love you. Kisame told me everything, and I want you to know that I understand. Please… I love you, I miss you, and I want us to be… more than just friends. When they told me that you might die… I didn't know what to do. I couldn't lose you, and refuse to let you go. I know you can hear me… at least somewhat, and I want you to know, that you are going to pull through this… I will _not _let you die on me… are we clear? And, after this is over… I want us to be together… officially. I want you to be mine. I—"

"HEY WHO IS IN HERE!" An angry voice called out.

"Gotta run," Tobi said, a hint of mischief in his voice. Deidara heard Tobi push past the momentarily surprised guard and speed out of the room.

"Tobi…" Deidara sighed quietly. His head began to spin and he passed out.

Deidara woke up to the room swathed in darkness. He was alone save for the machine steadily beeping next to him. His head hurt, his throat hurt, his arms _hurt_, his chest hurt, and, for some reason, he felt like crying. _What did Tobi say…? I feel like there is something I should remember. _

"Hello…" Deidara said, his voice raspy due to his dry throat, "is anyone there?" The reaction was almost immediate. Tobi materialized from the shadowy interior and stood in front of Deidara.

"Deidara… Tobi said, tears already spilling from his blood eyes, "you are okay…"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Deidara said. He began to sit up, using his arms as support, but he cried out in pain as his arms buckled beneath him as if they were paper—the machine near him beeping out of control.

"Don't strain yourself…" Tobi said, concern almost masking the fear in his voice, "You are hurt." Deidara slowly looked at his arms, his eyes widening as he sees the many slits.

"Yeah… no shit," Deidara said weakly. Tobi smiled at the lame joke.

"Do you remember anything?" Tobi said, putting on a fake smile for Deidara. His face, softened by his worry, held an unearthly beauty, like a lost child.

"No…" Deidara sighed, "I remember you coming in to talk to me, my mother was sober, and there was a doctor…. Am I in a hospital?"

"Yes…" Tobi answered, "But that's it?"

"Yeah," Deidara sighed, grimacing in pain as he laid back down, "that's it… I'm sorry Tobi. I wish I knew more, but I can't remember. Between the pain, the haze, and the idea of how shitty I must look with you looking at me, I can barely stay awake, let alone remember anything."

"Go back to sleep…" Tobi smiled, "I will be here when you wake up." As Tobi finished speaking, he leaned in close to Deidara and kissed him, their lips meeting for the first time.

"To me… you are always beautiful…" Tobi whispered. This was the final drop that sent the flood of thoughts in Deidara's mind soaring free, and, as the mental dam broke and his memories rushed back too him, Deidara slipped back into the darkness with one though prevailing over all the others.

_He kissed me._

"Deidara," Mei Terumi said, relief washing over her as Deidara's eyes blinked open.

"Yes," Deidara said, his words coming out icy. His mother was clearly stung by the coldness of his words, but he cared none. She hadn't cared about him or Sasori for years, and Deidara wasn't about to think highly of her.

"I'm glad you are okay…" Mei said quietly, "I was worried about you."

"That's a first." Deidara said harshly. Mei winced.

"I won't bother you right now," Mei said, tears brimming in your eyes, "I can't pretend like I didn't fail you and Sasori. I—"

"Failed us?" Deidara scoffed, "If we didn't have a mother, we would have been better off. You have done _nothing _save for the grief you caused us. If you are here hoping that I will love you, get out. The only thing you could do to make me happy is tell them to let Tobi in. Other than that, put me back under."

"The damage I have done to this family is irreparable," Mei cried, her sorrow no longer caged in, "I have failed you both in every way imaginable and then some. I wasn't there for my own son when he needed me. I was in the house and you called Kisame, practically a stranger. And you know what I realized? That saved your life. I would have wrecked the car or worse, and you would have died. Seeing you there on the ground unconscious in a pool of your own blood was the most horrifying I have ever witnessed. I don't want to lose you, and I won't drink anymore… I don't expect you to forgive me, but please hear me out. I love you. I will personally see to it that Tobi is in this room at all times. And, even though I know that I never will be, I will try to be the mother that you deserve. Sleep well, Deidara."

"I… love you…" Deidara said blankly, "I may not forgive you, but I do love you. Know that." Deidara shut his eyes and slept away the pain.

"Tobi," Deidara called out immediately as he awakened.

"I'm here," Tobi replied, appearing in front of Deidara. _So my mom pulled through on that one._

"I love you," Deidara said.

"I love you too," Tobi replied. Deidara struggled to sit up, but Tobi met him half-way, and their lips met. This time, Deidara was fully aware of it, and, in his opinion, nothing in the world mattered anymore. He would have Tobi, Tobi would have him, they would be happy.

The fear in Deidara's heart vanished, and for the first time since he wounded himself, Deidara felt happy. And he held on to that feeling. For that feeling was everything. And, as long as he had it, nothing else mattered…

* * *

**A/N: I lied... Short chapter -_-. I didn't want to do a really long one yet. This seemed like the right way to develop the chapter... ya know in short segments based on his consciousness. Anywayy R&R :D. Deidara is alive HOORAY. TOBI IS AWESOME. HIS MOM IS... Mei Terumi. I am running out of female characters -_-. Anyway. Things will heat up between Tobi and Deidara now ;) Oh, and if you have a suggestion for words to use for the... (Heated chapters) I am open to them. I really don't like saying crude words (dick, penis, cock) but disco stick is childish. So, tell me which you prefer I used please. OH!**

**ShoutOuts: **

**YfyF12: As always. I LOVE you GURLLLLL (lumpy space princess voice). Thank you for being so supportive. Stick with me through this. It is just beginning :).**

**Dragonfire44: :D You always leave me a paragraph review :3. Even though it is usually criticism... but hey, everybody's a critic right? ;P Thank you for always reviewing though, it means the world to me :)**

**Sucrosed: :D Ahhhh, yet another regular reviewer. I thank you kind sir... (kind lady if you are a girl .) **

**Over and Out (Glozell)**

**SoleixDeidara3 (That's a heart dammit)**

**I wish that you could heal my scars**

**But They remind me of what I am**

**I wish that I could rise with you to the stars**

**But I am trapped on land**

**I wish that you would love me**

**As much as I love you**

**But it is not meant to be**

**And we both know it is true...**


	13. The Art of Love

The Art of Love

Deidara laid his head in Tobi's lap and looked up at the clouds. The sun was barely beginning to set, and its fading light cast the world in luminescent hues of deep violets, cool blues, and warm oranges. The clouds stood out against the bright background, their fluffy white masses spilling out and breaking the overall perfection of the sunset in such a way that they added even more beauty. To Deidara, it looked as if a careless artist had spilled over his jars of paint, but not a single color had run together, and, slowly, the paints were overtaking all but a few spots on the once-white canvas.

"Tobi," Deidara smiled, "Why is it every time I go somewhere with you, the world seems more beautiful?" Tobi chuckled and began to run his hands through Deidara long blonde hair—the time in the hospital had caused the white to fade, and the remaining black tips were almost unnoticeable.

"I don't know," Tobi said thoughtfully, his crimson eyes staring off into the distance, "I guess it's because we make it more beautiful by being here together…"

Deidara kept his gaze trained on Tobi, and, finally, Tobi looked away from the distance horizon and his eyes met Deidara's. In one swift, wordless move, Tobi pulled Deidara up to him, and their lips met. Deidara grabbed onto Tobi's shirt, balling it in his fist as he tried to pull himself deeper into the kiss. He wanted to savor every second he had with Tobi.

Finally, Tobi pulled away, and Deidara rested his head on his lap once more. Deidara sighed and closed his eyes. As he lay there on Tobi's lap, he suddenly realized that Tobi's hands were slowly caressing his scars. Deidara sat up quickly and scooted away, his back against a tree and clutching his arms to his chest.

"What?" He accused staring at Tobi, fear lighting up his eyes, "Why are you looking at me like that?" Tobi regarded him curiously for a moment, sighing before replying.

"I was just wondering what in hell could compel you to do that to yourself?" Tobi said.

"The thought of losing you forever," Deidara murmured under his breath. Somehow, Tobi heard him. He seemed to teleport next to Deidara and embrace him in a tight hug.

"You will never lose me," Tobi said, tears in his eyes, his breath hot against Deidara's ear. Tobi wrapped his arms tightly around Deidara's waist and pulled him to his feet. Deidara was about half a foot off the ground. _Why is he so tall? Oh well, I think it's sexy. _

Deidara still felt the warm touch of Tobi's hand against his ugly scars. The Doctor said they would heal eventually, but there would likely be slight scarring. However, to Deidara, it didn't matter. He had Tobi, and that alone made the pain go away.

"Tobi," Deidara said aloud.

"What?" Tobi asked.

"I… It's nothing." Deidara stammered. However, Tobi would not let it go so easily.

"What Deidara," Tobi said sternly.

"Nothing!" Deidara said. Tobi smirked, mischief in lacing his features, and he pinned Deidara against the tree, his arms on either side of his head.

"Now, I know it's not nothing Deidara," Tobi smirked as he leaned in to Deidara. Deidara's hand reflexively came up and pushed against Tobi's stomach. However, his hands met Tobi's abs, and a shiver went through him.

It's not like Deidara wasn't in good shape. He could run about a mile or two without getting tired. He ate very small meals and dieted. He exercised if he had time. He was very, very skinny. However, unlike Tobi, Deidara had no muscle. He had muscular legs from all the running he does, and his ass, for some reason, was big, but his arms were weak compared to Tobi's, and, while his stomach was flat, by no means was it rock-hard like Tobi's.

"Like what you see…" Or should I say feel?" Tobi said smugly.

"Yes," Deidara conceded reluctantly. Tobi leaned in closer, his head about six inches higher than Deidara's. His arms moved away from the tree and slowly curled around Deidara's waist. Deidara felt his heart pounding but he made no move to escape. Tobi's eyes had him transfixed, like a predator whose prey knows it has no chance.

"So tell me," Tobi said as he leaned in close to Deidara, his lips brushing his ear, "Are you afraid of risks?"

"What is life without risk, and what is risk without daring to venture beyond the threshold of thought itself?" Deidara said instantly.

"D-Did… you write that?" Tobi asked.

"Yes? Why, is it no good?" Deidara replied.

"No… it's amazing." Tobi smiled.

"Anyway… what were you saying?" Deidara asked. Tobi grinned darkly and pressed Deidara's body into his own. Deidara let out a small shriek of surprise.

"I don't think you're afraid," Tobi smiled, his arms pulling Deidara into his chest, "but… I wonder if you should be?"

"Why would I be?" Deidara said as he wriggled through Tobi's grasp enough so that he could meet his gaze. Tobi's eyes held that passionate intensity that they usually contained; a fire that the world had never seen before lurking just beneath the crimson depths.

"I don't know if you realize this…" Tobi grinned evilly, one hand coming to rest on Deidara's ass, "but I'm not exactly a… pure being. I have… fantasies… like anyone, but mine are a bit more, attainable." As he said the last word, he pulled Deidara up off the ground with his one hand that gripped his ass, the other pressing on the back of Deidara's head to drive Deidara's lips towards his own.

Deidara protested for a heartbeat, but he let his body go limp. He felt so safe with Tobi, like there was no need to worry. As long as he trusted him, everything would be okay. Deidara still felt nervous, about the whole "dating" thing. He had never been great at being loyal solely to one person, and, although he loved Tobi, Deidara still held the fear deep within him that he would fail Tobi someday. Kisame may not be after his heart anymore, but, although it hurt him to think about it, Deidara knew that some sexual tension still remained—urges unsatisfied.

However, here and now in this moment, he could not be happier. He had Tobi's arms around him, their lips met in a passionate kiss, and, for the time being, the world seemed to stand still. It was a moment for life.

Suddenly, Tobi broke the kiss, and, clearing his throat, began to sing. His voice was a little deep for the song, but the emotion in his words pierced straight through Deidara's heart.

"For this very moment I bring, put it on everything, that I will retire with the ring. And I will retire with the crown, yes. No I'm not lucky I'm blessed, yes. Clap for the heavy weight champ, me. But I couldn't do it all alone, we. Young Money raised me…"

_He's singing me Moment 4 Life… Is this real?_

"…I wish that I could have this moment for life, for life. Cause in the moment I just feel so alive, alive. I wish that I could have this moment for life…" Tobi stopped singing. Deidara looked deep into Tobi's eyes, and, in a fleeting moment, he saw true love staring back at him. Tobi _loved_ him. Not liked, loved. And, to Deidara, that meant the world.

"I love you," Deidara whispered as he buried his face in Tobi's chest.

"I love you too," Tobi smiled, "Hey, let's go back to my place. I invited Temari, Shikamaru, Haku, and, yes, Kisame, over for a movie night. If we leave now, we can pick out something scary."

Deidara smiled. Tobi knew he loved scary movies. They gave you such an adrenaline rush, and, although temporary, the fear made you feel… alive. "Sure, let's head out."

Tobi let go of Deidara, and, fishing in his pocket for a moment, pulled out his keys and twirled them around his finger. "Let's roll, hoe." Deidara sneered at the lame insult.

"Whatever you say, your majesty," Deidara smiled. Tobi laughed, and they both climbed in the car.

Deidara sorted through Tobi's movies. He had to admit, he had a pretty impressive collection. As Deidara picked through the DVD's, his ears faintly heard Tobi in the shower. He was singing some song, a pop song by the beat of it. Deidara smiled to himself and strained his ears to hear the words.

"_Don't want no Paper Gangsta, won't sign away my life to, someone who's got the flava, but don't have no follow through…_" Deidara could not help laughing. _A Lady Gaga fan through and through. I love him. _

Deidara went back to looking through the movies. _The Strangers… that's a given. American Psycho… no one will get it. The Dark Knight… Amazing. No dispute. Batman Returns… not really a horror, but I love Catwoman so… they can deal. _

A shadow fell over Deidara, and, with a start, he realized the shower had stopped running.

"Hey, tell me if this looks sexy," Tobi's voice rang out behind him. Deidara turned to face Tobi, and, to both his horror and delight, Tobi was completely naked, and Deidara was eye level with his [(Okay, probably the last interruption. I think this word is classy enough for my taste)] member.

"Ummm," Deidara stammered. Tobi began to flex and pose in obscene, vulgar positions.

"None of these? Darn… oh, I know. Maybe they would look better in my room. Come on." Tobi picked up Deidara and, ignoring the blonde's protests, carried him princess style to his room. Tobi threw Deidara gently on the bed.

"This again?" Deidara laughed. He could never stay mad at Tobi.

"Well, I was thinking…" Tobi began, a smirk gracing his lips, "we have about half an hour until they start showing up… why don't we have a little fun? I mean, we haven't messed around." Deidara decided to surprise Tobi. He stood up, and, earning a surprised gasp from Tobi as he had hoped, he jumped up and wrapped his legs around Tobi's waist, forcing Tobi to hold him up by supporting his ass.

Deidara, wearing only a pair of _short_ shorts, felt Tobi's member against his thigh, but he didn't mind. The friction created by the two rubbing together made Tobi groan, and Deidara liked having control over Tobi for once. He dropped out of Tobi's arms, and, whirling around on his heels, began to grind on Tobi.

"I never expected you to be so… blunt with this kind of stuff?" Tobi laughed shakily, groaning midway as Deidara pressed in his hips and created more friction.

"You can't always have all the fun, Tobi," Deidara smirked, "Nervous?" Tobi regarded Deidara for a moment, and Deidara shivered as he saw the fire burning beneath Tobi's eyes. Tobi _wanted_ Deidara, and he was using almost all of his willpower to resist him. _Let's see if this will send him over the edge. _

Deidara whirled around so that his chest faced Tobi's, and, crouching down on his knees, he stuck out his tongue and mimed running it up Tobi's length. As Deidara had hoped, that was the breaking point, and Tobi tackled Deidara to the bed and began fiercely kissing him.

Deidara was helpless as Tobi's tongue forced its way through his lips and began snaking around his mouth. Tobi pressed his naked body into Deidara's small frame, and Deidara felt a shudder run through him. Although he wasn't as big as Kisame—Deidara was glad, Kisame was a little… too big—Tobi was by no means small, or even average for that matter. But, Deidara knew it was way too soon for anything other than messing around. They had only been dating for about a week; the time from when Deidara was in the hospital to roughly now.

"I want you," Tobi whispered through grit teeth as he broke the kiss, his breath hot on Deidara's neck.

"I know," Deidara said, "but I feel like it's too soon, ya know?"

"Yeah," Tobi laughed, "I do. But, I hope you know that I love you more than anything. It's so hard to resist you." Deidara lunged out and grabbed Tobi's member.

"I know," Deidara smirked, sticking his tongue out at Tobi. Tobi grinned evilly.

"Stick that tongue out at me again, and I will put it to use," Tobi laughed.

"You won't—" In a flash, Tobi had Deidara pinned down, and his member was pressed against Deidara cheek. Deidara shivered; it felt like it was on fire.

"What won't I do?" Tobi laughed darkly. Before Deidara could say anything he playfully slapped his cheek. Deidara swallowed slowly.

"Alright," Deidara sighed, "you win." Tobi got off and, grabbing Deidara by the waist, pulled Deidara onto his lap.

"I'm not done with you yet," He murmured fiercely. Deidara shivered, his heart beating out of control. Tobi wrapped his arms around Deidara's waist and began to nuzzle his neck from behind. Deidara felt his body go slack; he was helpless in Tobi's arms.

"What? Are you finally afraid?" Tobi snickered. He spread his legs apart so that there was nothing in between him and Deidara.

"Tobi," Deidara moaned, "They will be here soon. We have, like five minutes. Will you please put your pants on?" Tobi frowned.

"But whyyyyyyyyyyy?" Tobi complained.

"Because, other than me, no one wants to see you naked," Deidara laughed, "hurry up, I will be in the living room." Tobi grumbled as Deidara left the room, the sound of him trudging to the dresser to grab his pants greatly exaggerated.

Deidara walked into the bathroom and regarded his reflection. Heavy black eyeliner with subtle black-violet eye-shadow enveloped his eyes. As he looked into the mirror, he noticed that, unlike the last time, his eyes held no sorrow, only happiness. Deidara wiped away his tears of reminiscing and went back out into the living room. Tobi stood in the center, black slim jeans and a black V-neck shirt. As usual, he looked as sexy as ever.

"Better?" Tobi asked jokingly.

"Much…" Deidara laughed, "Now help me pick out a movie." Tobi walked over and, placing his arm around Deidara's shoulder, his eyes scanned over the DVD's Deidara had laid out.

"Hmmm, the Batman Returns…" Tobi said thoughtfully, "We will watch that, and The Dark Knight Rises for sure." Deidara shot him a quizzical look.

"The Dark Knight Rises isn't even out on DVD yet," Deidara laughed, "how could you?—" Deidara is silenced as Tobi pulls a DVD labeled _The Dark Knight Rises_ from the cabinet.

"Where. Did. You. Get. That…?" Deidara said slowly. Tobi just smiled.

"I have my ways," He laughed, "but I knew you liked Catwoman so I asked a friend to get this for me. Do you like it?"

"Like it!?" Deidara gawked, "I _love _it. I owe you, _big time_." Tobi laughed.

"I'll remember that," Tobi winked, "don't be surprised if I call you up on that?"

"Alright," Deidara smiled, "A Batman movie night? Who needs horror movies anyway? I'll go make some popcorn."

Deidara went into the kitchen and put some popcorn in the microwave. For living alone, Tobi wasn't doing too badly. Of course, if Deidara moved out, he could help Tobi pay for everything, but it was far too soon for that. As the popcorn began to crackle furiously in the microwave, Deidara faintly heard everyone come in above the symphony of kernels popping.

"Right…way, sit down… Deidara… be out shortly…" Deidara heard Tobi say. Deidara, after rummaging through the kitchen cabinets, pulled out a bowl and poured the popcorn in. It smelled almost sickly-sweet, drenched in butter, and, although Deidara thought it looked quite good, he knew he would be having none. Butter meant calories, and calories are not a good thing.

Tobi's head appeared in the doorway, startling Deidara. "You coming?" Tobi smiled.

"Yeah," Deidara smiled, "I have your puffy grease right here. Who all made it?"

"Temari, Shikamaru, Kisame, Haku, and…. Zabuza." Tobi said, the last name added sounding venomous as it left his lips. _Oh no. _If Haku had Zabuza, Kisame would be alone…

"Don't worry," Tobi laughed, "Kisame will be fine. I think he invited Itachi, his old roommate. He will have someone to hang with." _You mean make-out with?_

"Yeah," Deidara said, his words not as sure as he hoped, "I'm sure it will be fine." Deidara followed Tobi into the living room, the bowl of steaming popcorn in his hands, and, quickly shoving the bowl in Tobi's hands, he is embraced by Temari in a heartbeat.

"Deidara!" Temari smiled, "It has been _forever _since we hung out together out of school. You are a great dancer." She directed her last words at Shikamaru.

"What do you want me to do?" Shikamaru shrugged, "You know parties aren't my thing. Too much noise, and far too many idiots for my taste. Now this is more like it, a couple friends, movies, relaxing. Hell, I might even take a nap." Shikamaru jumped on to the couch.

Temari pouted, but, a mischievous grin forming on her lips, she plopped down onto Shikamaru's lap. He grunted as she landed, but, their eyes meeting, he smiled up at her and made no effort to resist.

"Well," Tobi said only slightly awkwardly, "Let's start this movie night! First up is, _Batman Returns._" Deidara saw Tobi scan the room looking for objections. Since no one said anything, Tobi put in the movie and sat down on a recliner. Deidara frowned, thinking that Tobi wanted to sit alone, but, his heart rising, Tobi motioned over to sit on his lap.

Deidara ran over and half-sat, half-jumped onto Tobi's lap. Tobi's arms wrapped around his waist and they both, after a quick kiss, turned to watch the movie. Haku sat down with Zabuza on the floor, and Kisame stood awkwardly by the door.

"Is he almost here?" Deidara asked, his sympathy apparent. Kisame whipped out his phone and checked it, a smile lacing his face as he looked at the bright screen.

"He's here," Kisame said as he opened the door. As Itachi walked in, Deidara felt his mouth visibly drop open. Itachi had on eyeliner, blood-red eye-shadow, and mascara enveloping his startling scarlet eyes; his long, black hair beautifully straightened. Deidara felt a pit rise in his stomach as he hugged Kisame.

_Itachi is… just like me…_ Itachi wore a deep black v-neck and black skinny jeans that emphasized his small frame. Itachi was, in a word, beautiful. _Not as beautiful as me though… right?_ Deidara stole a quick glance at Tobi, and, too his complete and utter, unfathomable horror, Tobi's eyes were wide in awe, trained on Itachi.

"No…" Deidara whispered, so quietly he was sure no one would hear. However, Tobi's face snapped back to look at Deidara's.

"What is it Deidara?" Tobi asked earnestly.

"N-Nothing…" Deidara said, a little more shakily than he had hoped, "Let's watch the movie."

"Okay," Tobi smiled. Deidara turned back to look at Itachi. He sat next to Kisame on the floor, Itachi's eyes trained intently on Kisame, but, to Deidara's surprise, Kisame almost looked bored. Suddenly, Kisame locked eyes with Deidara, and, almost as if in a dream, Deidara saw Kisame wink. _No… he didn't wink. You're seeing things. You are just jealous of Itachi… that's it. And why shouldn't you be? He's the first guy you have met that looks as good as you. _

Competetion. Everything about the word brought disgust to Deidara's mind. Competition was a good thing, but, when love was involved, it was perhaps the worst thing possible. Deidara knew he was just as pretty, a lot skinnier—he ate next to nothing—and had a much better personality than Itachi, but Itachi had the one thing Deidara didn't. He was clearly blunt with sexual matters.

The way he carried himself, he clearly knew his way around things. And it made Deidara seethe with rage. _Tobi doesn't like him. Just because he looked at Itachi like that. You looked at Itachi, it doesn't mean you like him. Just ignore it._

Deidara turned back to the movie.

_"4…5… Still Alive!" Catwoman cackled. Max Shrek fired two more bullet at Selina Kyle. _

_ "6… 7… All good girls go to heaven…" Selina Kyle sings hysterically. Max fired the gun again, but it clicks. No more bullets. _

_ "Haha… Hahahahahahahaha!" Selina Kyle bursts into laughter._

_ "Two… lives… left…" She gasps as she walks toward Max, "I think I'll save one for next Christmas. But for now, how about a kiss Santy Claus?" Before Max can react Selina, pulling out a taser and holding it to her lips, she grabbed the power line and kisses Max, sparks engulfing the two, and the area explodes with crackling electricity. _

"One of my favorite scenes," Deidara whispered to Tobi, who's arms were pulling Deidara further into his lap.

"You know… Michelle Pfeiffer is quite beautiful," Tobi said thoughtfully, "but, in my opinion, you beat her a million to one." Deidara smiled at the compliment, but a nagging doubt lingered in his mind.

"Am I more beautiful than Itachi?" Deidara blurted out. Tobi gave him a puzzled look.

"Why would you ask something like that?" Tobi asked.

"I… I don't know…" Deidara said dejectedly.

"Of c-course y-you are…" Tobi murmured.

Deidara felt his heart snap. Tobi had faltered. Deidara sat in Tobi's lap for the rest of the movie. However, his mind was elsewhere. _Tobi…_

It was clear to Deidara. Although he was beautiful, Itachi was just as good-looking as him, and, although Tobi tried to hide it, Deidara sensed that the red-eyed man held some love for Itachi. And, despite what Deidara did to reassure himself, it tore into him through the core…

Deidara got up and went to the bathroom. He stood in there, looking at his reflection in the mirror. With just simple eyeliner and eye-shadow, he looked pretty, but he decided to step it up to compete with Itachi. He pulled out his makeup bag from his bag in Tobi's bathroom, and he began to paint his face into elegant art.

Suddenly, a knock on the door made him jump, and, composing himself, he walked over and leaned against the door.

"Who is it?" He whispered.

"Kisame," Kisame whispered back.

"Come… in…" Deidara said, reluctantly opening the door. Kisame walked in, a grin on his face, and Deidara sighed.

"Why are you here?" Deidara said bluntly, "Shouldn't you be burying your face in Itachi's?"

"Ha, Itachi is just a friend. Besides, I think he went to sit next to Tobi, and—"

"Wait what!?" Deidara sputtered. Before Kisame could respond, Deidara stepped around him, ran out the door, and looked into the living room. Sure enough, Itachi sat on the chair with Tobi.

"No…" Deidara breathed. He walked back into the bathroom and, closing the door behind him, he turned to find Kisame shirtless.

"Did I tell you," Kisame said sympathetically.

"Shut up…" Deidara said wiping a tear from his eye, "why are you shirtless?"

"I wanted to see where this is going…" Kisame laughed nervously. Deidara stood on his tip toes, kissed Kisame, and then pushed him down onto the ground.

"Save it," Deidara laughed, "Tobi doesn't love him… It's just a phase or something. And, I'm out of your league, dude." Kisame tackled Deidara to the ground in an instant, his arms pinning him to the ground. Kisame leaned in close, his face centimeters from Deidara's.

"Tobi won't be able to resist Itachi forever," Kisame smirked, "No man is without weakness. And, when he betrays you—"

"If..." Deidara corrected.

"_When_ he betrays you, I will be coming for you, got it memorized?" Kisame smiled, "Now let's go back out and finish the movie. Until we meet again, Deidara."

Deidara got up and dusted himself off. He walked out into the living room, but he stood back for a moment. Itachi still sat with Tobi. As much as Deidara wanted to believe Tobi didn't like Itachi… he wasn't sure.

He just wasn't sure…

* * *

**A/N: Well my loves... A big chapter :). I don't usually like large chapter's because one can get sidetrackked when you are forced to work on it piece by piece. You lose your thoughts from the day before -_-. Anywayy. R&R :). I love you all :D. **

**SoleixDeidara*heart***

**Holy water cannot help you now**

**A thousand armies couldn't keep me out**

**I don't want your money**

**I don't want your crown**

**See I have to tell you**

**I've come to burn your kingdom down... ~Florence + The Machine~**


	14. Suspicion

Suspicion

**_"I had a way then, losing it all on my own. _**

**_ I had a heart then, but the queen has been overthrown_**

**_ And, I'm not sleeping now, the dark is too hard to beat_**

**_ And, I'm not keeping now, the strength I need to push me…"_**

****Deidara gazed up at the ceiling, and, heaving a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes and let the music fill him.

**_"You show that lights that stop me turn to stone_**

**_ You shine it when I'm alone_**

**_ And so I tell myself that I'll be strong_**

**_ And dreaming when they're gone"_**

****Deidara phone vibrated, and he tilted his head so he could see who the message was from.

_Kisame 2 Text_

_ Tobi 3 Text_

_**"Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home**_

**_ Calling, calling, calling home_**

**_ You show that stop me turn to stone…"_**

****Deidara reluctantly picked up his phone, and, steeling himself for anything, he unlocked his phone and opened the texts.

**_Tobi:_**

**_Heyy!_**

**_So… You and I are going to hang out this weekend, and I wanted to know if we could bring along Itachi, Kisame, Temari, and Shikamaru :D. _**

**_WE ARE GOING TO GO TO THE BEACH!_**

**_Kisame_**

**_Heyy ;)_**

**_So Tobi wants us all to go bowling. Did he invite Itachi I wonder? Anyway, text me back hoe :D._**

Deidara felt bile rise in his throat and he hurled his phone away from him in disgust. For some reason, he felt so threatened by Itachi. Deidara knew that Tobi loved him, but what if Tobi's sexual attraction got the better of him. It had happened to Deidara once, Kisame had managed to lure him to his house, but Tobi wouldn't do that to Deidara… he loved him… didn't he?

"He loves you," Deidara sighed under his breath, "You are just over thinking things." Despite repeating these words over and over again in his mind, Deidara still felt the slightest remnant of doubt; a seed that, if not kept under control, would grow until he would have no chance of stopping it.

Deidara got up and trudged over to his mirror. As he saw his disheveled appearance that still managed to retain a soft beauty he smiled. His blonde hair only had a few streaks of white left in it, and all he wore on his eyes was black eyeliner. He lifted up his black Evanescence tee—his all-time favorite shirt—and, with a start, realized how skinny he was getting.

_Maybe I should eat. I can see my ribs…_ Deidara tore his gaze away from the mirror, retrieved his phone from the ground, and walked into the kitchen. His mother, having kept true to her word about stepping up for the family, and almost stopped drinking overnight, sat at the kitchen table smiling as she penciled in a word in her crossword puzzle.

"Hello Deidara," his mother said cheerfully, "Do you want me to cook you something for lunch?" Deidara gazed at her warily. However much she had changed, Deidara would never completely love her; how could he? He would never forget the times when she wasn't there for them.

"I was actually going to see if I could meet Tobi for lunch…" Deidara lied, "Sorry." His mother just smiled back.

"That's fine," she laughed, "I will see if Sasori wants anything. Have fun, Deidara."

Deidara walked out to his car, and, as he got in, he pulled out his phone. Meeting Tobi for lunch actually sounded like a good idea. Deidara dialed up Tobi.

_"Hello," _Tobi answered.

"Hey, Tobi, I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere for lunch?"

_"Sure,_" Tobi replied enthusiastically, _"That sounds like fun. What did you have in mind?"_

"Subway? Haha, I don't really know where else to go."

_"Nah, we are going to an Asian Buffet," _Tobi announced, _"I am paying for you; don't try to argue the fact. Anyway, I will pick you up in one hour. Be ready"_

Deidara ended the call. Since he was already in his car, he started it, and began driving to Tobi's house.

"I might as well surprise him." Deidara said to himself. Deidara drove the whole 12 miles to Tobi's relatively swift. However, he creased his brow as he noticed a second car in the driveway; a car all too familiar to Deidara.

_What would Kisame be doing here…?_ Deidara got out of the car and began to investigate, but, a hand stifling his scream, someone grabbed him from behind. Deidara was pressed roughly against the wall of Tobi's apartment building, and he found himself face to face with Kisame.

"Well, what are you doing so far from home?" Kisame smirked. Deidara shook Kisame off of him and glared up at Kisame's knowing eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing." Deidara accused.

"Oh, I'm only here because Itachi couldn't remember how to get to Tobi's house. He asked for a ride, and I, being the kind-hearted soul that I am, happily obliged."

"Itachi… is here… as in inside with Tobi…?" Deidara murmured in disbelief.

"Yep," Kisame said, flashing a mischievous grin, "They are inside talking as we speak, I believe."

"Liar," Deidara shrieked, a sudden rage in his voice.

"Don't believe me," Kisame said, stepping back and making a gesture towards the door to Tobi's apartment, "See for yourself."

Kisame stepped aside as Deidara rushed past him and slowly opened Tobi's door. As the door opened, Deidara drunk in the scene. Tobi's back was to him, and Itachi was facing Deidara, his eyes intent on Tobi. Suddenly, Itachi's eyes locked with Deidara's with a knowing look, and Deidara could only watch in horror as Itachi fell forward and his lips met Tobi's.

Deidara waited. Tobi would force him off right? Tobi wouldn't do this to Deidara? Tobi would tell Itachi he loved Deidara. But Tobi didn't. Deidara felt his legs grow weak. Tobi could have been helpless by the shock of the sudden kiss. Tobi might not have known what to do. Maybe Tobi liked Itachi. But, to Deidara, it didn't matter what or how it happened. Deidara began to slump to the floor, but Kisame caught him, carried him to his car, and drove off.

What Deidara didn't see was Tobi shoving Itachi off of him merely moments later.

"What the fuck, dude?" Tobi hissed.

"What," Itachi said innocently.

"You _know _I'm going out with Deidara," Tobi began angrily, "why the fuck would I want to kiss you?"

"Oh come on Tobi," Itachi laughed, "Surely you don't think that Deidara is better than me? Sure he's pretty and a tad bit skinnier than me, but I know what you want, and I'm not going to save myself for anyone."

"Get out, now." Tobi commanded. "I don't know who the fuck brought you here, but I want you out of my house now."

"Fine, have it your way," Itachi said as he walked out the door. However, a moment later he walked back inside.

"I already told you get the fuck out—"

"Kisame left," Itachi said, puzzled, "But some other car is outside your apartment." Tobi felt his stomach drop.

"What color…" He began…

"It looks like a black sports car," Itachi said. _Oh no…_

"Deidara," Tobi breathed.

"Deidara," Kisame said, worry in his voice, "Are you okay?" Deidara clutched his knees to his chest, his eyes wet, and he didn't protest as Kisame wrapped his arm around Deidara's small frame.

"I'm fine…" Deidara lied, "I'm fucking fine." Kisame frowned.

"Now that doesn't sound fine to me…" Kisame said as he picked Deidara up, and, sitting down on the couch and spreading his legs apart, he set Deidara down in between his legs.

Deidara turned to face Kisame, his legs now half-straddling Kisame's powerful body, and, their eyes locking, Deidara unconsciously leaned in for a kiss.

Their lips met, and, if only for an instant, Deidara felt the sharp pain of reality dull.

"Kisame," Deidara whispered as their lips parted and he leaned his head on Kisame's broad chest, "I do love you… I just loved Tobi more… But, I guess he doesn't love me anymore… So… I'm not going to waste his time. I can be just as happy with you right."

Deidara looked up at Kisame, and he thought he saw a flicker of emotion pass through Kisame's shark-like eyes. _Guilt?_

"Yeah," Kisame replied, though his voice seemed distant and ethereal, "We can be happy together…"

At that moment, Deidara felt his phone vibrate; a message from Tobi. Deidara shut off his phone, and, standing up, walked into Kisame's bedroom and lied down. Deidara burrowed himself under the blankets and shut his eyes. A moment later, Kisame came in after him, sliding in behind Deidara, spooning him.

Deidara didn't protest; in fact, he pressed his body deeper into Kisame's. Kisame arms wrapped around Deidara, and, soon, Deidara fell asleep.

Kisame, however, got no rest. His mind was plagued with the fact that he had taken the one thing that made Deidara happy away out of pure envy…

* * *

**A\N: I EXIST! Lol, that's probably what you all are thinking. xD. Sorry, Borderlands 2, League of Legends :0, and just the everday going ons have kept me beyond busy -_-. But, here it is my friends, my update. :D. Don't be mad -_- I just thought the story needed, A TwIsT :d. kNoW What I mean :). Okay, enough babbling. I should be more on task with future updates now :3. Bye for now. If you have any questions, PM me :D. R&R 3 -*heart***

**SoleixDeidara3*heart*3**

**Lie to me,**

**Convince me I've been sick forever.**

**And all of this, **

**Will make sense when I get better.**


	15. The Unraveling Seams

The Unraveling Seams

Deidara sat on the couch, Kisame's arm around his shoulders, and, although Deidara's heart still felt shattered from Tobi kissing Itachi, Deidara had to admit, Kisame wasn't all that bad. Sure, he was no Tobi, but he was here for Deidara, and that meant more than anything right now.

"Kisame," Deidara said, leaning his head on Kisame's broad shoulders.

"What is it?" Kisame asked, giving Deidara's shoulder a firm squeeze.

"Thank you for, you know, being here for me, it means a lot," Deidara whispered.

"I-I… You're welcome…" Kisame said, his voice somewhat distant. Kisame wrapped his arms around Deidara, Deidara's face coming no higher than Kisame's chest, and Kisame rested his chin on Deidara's head.

"Deidara…" Kisame began, "you don't love me—"

"Stop," Deidara said, "I do love you. I won't pretend I didn't love Tobi more, but that's the past now. I am actually looking forward to… us."

"You really mean that," Kisame said, hope flickering briefly in his eyes.

"I do," Deidara said, "and, by the way, I've been sitting around doing nothing for too long. What do you say we go out?"

"Sure," Kisame said, flashing a wicked grin, "I know the perfect place. I have a friend that runs a nightclub. He can pull some strings and get us in. Sound good?""

"You can get us into a nightclub…" Deidara said in awe. He had always wanted to go to a club, "Okay, I will start getting ready. Can you drive me home real quick?"

"Sure," Kisame said reaching for his keys, "I'll pick you up at 8. Be ready."

Deidara smiled.

Deidara wore one of his favorite shirts: a black shirt that Deidara had cut extremely short and raggedly with the Evanescence logo displayed proudly in the center. He wore black skinny-fit shorts, and on his eyes was heavy emo makeup with a long cat swoop extending from each corner.

"Well, how do I look?" Deidara asked his brother Sasori who sat sulking in the corner.

"Why are you going out with Kisame?" Sasori grumbled, "What happened to Tobi—_"_

"Don't speak of him right now…" Deidara suddenly shrieked, losing his composure at the mention of Tobi. However, noting Sasori's hurt features, Deidara softened his glare.

"I'm sorry, Sasori," Deidara said apologetically, "but Tobi's moved on, so I need to do the same. Now, I am going to ask you again. How do I look?"

"Like a whore who has just ended a relationship and wants it to be known to all that they are available."

"Perfect," Deidara said sarcastically, sticking his tongue and winking at his brother.

"Can I go now?" Sasori asked, "Hinata is still waiting in my room…"

"By all means, go satisfy your woman," Deidara winked. Sasori gave him a death glare and quickly left his room.

Deidara whipped out his phone.

**_Tobi (2 New Messages) _**_Ignoring those._

_**Kisame: Hey, I am omw. **_

******Okay :D. I shall be ready. **

**_Good… Honestly, I can't wait to see your fine ass on the dance floor. ;)_**

******If you can keep up ;P we'll see where it goes.**

**_Oh, trust me, I can keep up ;)_**

******I will remember that…**

Deidara put away his phone, and, sighing as he ran his fingers through his teased hair, he walked to the front door and leaned against it. For a heartbeat—the slightest instant—Deidara had the urge to view the texts from Tobi, but, despite his desire hoping that they would be some long winded reason for him letting what had happened, happen, Deidara couldn't bring himself to do it; his heart couldn't take another loss right now. It was not long before Deidara heard Kisame pull up in his driveway.

"Hey," Deidara said, smiling as he Kisame stepped out of the car. Kisame's mouth dropped open, and Deidara felt his face begin to burn.

"You. Look… Amazing…" Kisame said, exhaling heavily as he ran his fingers through his hair, "how am I going to keep guys at the club off of you?" Deidara smiled, and placed both his hands on Kisame's broad chest.

"We will have to find out, won't we?" Deidara said mischievously. Deidara leaned his head on Kisame's chest, and Kisame embraced him; his powerful arms wrapping Deidara in a vice-like grip.

"Yeah," Kisame smirked, lightly touching Deidara's forehead with his lips, "If anyone gets near you though, I will send them to the hospital. You have no need to worry." Deidara, standing on his tip toes, rose up and his lips met Kisame's; a brief, passionate kiss that left a warm yet painful feeling resonating on Deidara's lips. _I wonder if Tobi even misses me._

The thought had come to his mind almost instantaneously, and Deidara quickly forced himself to forget it. "Ready to go?" Deidara asked Kisame.

"Yeah," Kisame said flirtatiously as he sat down, motioning for Deidara to sit on his lap, "I have a seat for you right here." Deidara leaped up onto a surprised Kisame's lap, and, rotating so that he straddled Kisame's crotch, Deidara forced Kisame's legs wider apart with his own.

"Hold on," Kisame winked as he began to unzip his pants, "it's getting a little cramped in there. You don't mind if I _free the beast_ do you?" Deidara swallowed, but ignored the slight sensation of fear he felt. _How bad could it be?_ However, Deidara's mouth dropped open as Kisame's member emerged from his unzipped jeans; his slightly bluish member was 10 inches long and he wasn't even hard. _Holy…Shit…_

Kisame, noticing Deidara's expression, looked slightly… hurt. "I'm sorry," Kisame said dejectedly, "I know, it's big, it's enormous, blah blah blah, there's no way I am getting near that." _I don't remember it being this big… maybe I just never paid any attention. _

"No, Kisame," Deidara said, smiling as he ran his hand along the length of Kisame's member, "I don't mind. I am surprised though. How do you even wear pants?" At this, a wicked grin flickered across Kisame's face.

"I should have worn shorts probably," Kisame smirked, "when I'm dancing with you at the club, things might get a little… tight." Deidara smiled, and, feeling a sudden rush of bravery, his quickly ran his tongue over Kisame's member; the action earning a slight groan from Kisame.

"Well…" Deidara began, "should it get too bad, I could always see if I couldn't get rid of it for you…" Kisame grinned wickedly.

"I don't know if you are ready for me yet…" Kisame laughed, "But who knows, the night is still young. I lure you into my bed yet." Deidara scoffed.

"Slow down," Deidara laughed, "you are getting a little cocky." Kisame's grinned widened.

"Nice choice of language," he said with a wink, "Anyway, I believe we should be going. My urges can wait." Just to taunt Kisame, Deidara wrapped both his hands around his member. Kisame regarded him with a wild look. Suddenly, Kisame's member pulsed and Deidara nearly jumped. _Figures it would practically be alive. _

"If you don't mind…" Kisame began, "you could always give me a small taste…" Deidara laughed, but, only slightly unwillingly, he ran his tongue of Kisame's member, much more slowly this time. Kisame groaned in pleasure.

"Enough," Kisame said urgently as Deidara began to wrap his lips around the tip, "we really need to get going." Deidara heaved a sigh of relief. He hadn't thought it could get any bigger, but he was wrong. Although Kisame forced his member back into his pants and zipped them, it did no good in terms of concealment. It appeared as if Kisame kept some object in his pants—a big object.

"Alright," Kisame said, heaving a deep sigh and leaning back, "you ready to go?"

"Definitely," Deidara smirked. With the crunching of gravel, Kisame pulled out of his driveway and sped off toward the club.

"How do I look?" Deidara asked Kisame as they got out of the car.

"Sexy," Kisame laughed, "and that's putting it mildly. Deidara felt his cheeks burn. Despite the slight sarcasm in Kisame's voice, Kisame had thought to say it, so it must be true to some extent. Although he hated it, Deidara couldn't help but looked pleased when someone complemented his appearance. Appealing to his vanity was one thing Deidara could not ignore.

"Jerk," Deidara teased as he quickly slid his hand over Kisame's crotch. Kisame regarded him with an intense stare. Without warning, Kisame leaped behind Deidara and pressed himself into Deidara's small frame. Deidara felt the air rush out of his lungs as Kisame squeezed tight, and he felt Kisame's still-throbbing member through against his lower back.

"You know," Kisame whispered wickedly in Deidara's ear, "you really taunt me. I don't think you can handle what I can do to you…" Despite the playfulness of Kisame's voice, Deidara felt a shiver run through his body; Kisame's words were laced with a dark seriousness. However, Deidara loved pushing boundaries.

"Trust me," Deidara said as he pressed his body deeper into Kisame's, "I can handle anything. I'm not a kid." Kisame just laughed and released Deidara.

"Be careful," Kisame warned as he placed his arm around Deidara, "I might take you up on that." Deciding not to say anymore, Deidara walked with Kisame towards the club in solemn silence. However, as they neared the building, Deidara could hear music pulsing through the air. As the music grew louder, Deidara's heart began to pound. _I am actually looking forward to this… _He swallowed hard as Kisame got them past the bouncer. As they stepped into the night club—_"The Black Rose"_ was its name—Deidara felt his cares and worries melt away.

**_"I came here tonight to get you outta my mind_**

**_ I'm gonna take what I find, oh ohh yeah…_**

**_ So open the box, don't need to key I'm unlocked_**

**_ And I won't tell you to stop, oh oh yeah yeahhh_**

**_ Hey Boy, I don't really know where you been _**

**_ All I need to know is you in_**

**_ And Let's get walking."_**

****Deidara normally wasn't a huge fan of Christina Aguilera, but, he fell in love with this song almost instantly. Kisame danced behind him, somewhat protectively, but Deidara didn't really mind. Kisame wasn't grinding on him that bad, so it was actually fun. Kisame's hands were resting on Deidara's hips, and Deidara was surprised Kisame managed to keep them from falling off as he swiveled and twisted.

**_"All I wanna do is fuck your body_**

**_ Oh oh Ooohh Oh ohhhh ooooh oh oh_**

**_ Tonight's your lucky night, I know you want it_**

**_ Oh oh Ooohh Oh ohhhh ooooh oh oh_**

****Deidara whirled on his heels and found himself gazing up at Kisame's face. For once, the intensity seemed to have disappeared; Kisame's eyes shone with love and something else—perhaps grief? Suddenly, Deidara felt as if the room was silent, and he and Kisame were the only ones in it. Deidara closed his eyes subconsciously leaned forward and Kisame's lips came down to meet his own. For the first time, Deidara felt as if the hole left in his heart from Tobi's betrayal had been filled.

As Deidara opened his eyes, he saw Kisame's eyes cloud over; a deep suspicion rising up from within their black depths, and, suddenly, he broke away from Deidara.

"I have something I need to take care of," Kisame said darkly. Without another word, Kisame walked off.

Deidara suddenly felt alone. The warmth of Kisame's presence still lingered, but it was fading quickly. Deidara's adrenaline began to level off, and the club didn't feel so inviting. Suddenly, he felt someone grinding on him from behind. He hadn't even noticed that they had walked up. As he whirled to face them, music blared in his ears.

**_"I came up in it_**

**_ A little bit self centered_**

**_ But did I kill a queen_**

**_ Now Alexander Mcqueen's_**

**_ Got the wrist on glow_**

**_ The bottle's is on po_**

**_ Got that shimmy shimmy yea_**

**_ Shimmy Yea_**

**_ Ayeu"_**

****With a start, Deidara realized Kakashi was in front of him. Deidara felt rage burn within his chest.

"Get off of me," Deidara said sharply as he tried to push Kakashi away. However, Kakashi caught his wrists and pulled him close, his lips brushing Deidara's ear.

"Now why would I do that?" Kakashi laughed darkly, "when I can just have some fun with—"

Deidara cut him off with a low jab in the stomach. "Save it," Deidara warned, "I never want to see you again." Kakashi spit in rage, and seized Deidara by the waist roughly.

"Don't you ever punch me again, got it?" Kakashi said as he pressed his body into Deidara. Deidara felt tears rise up in his eyes. _Not again… please… Kisame where are you?_

Suddenly, someone grabbed Kakashi and pulled him off of Deidara. After a harsh exchange that Deidara couldn't catch due to the volume of the music, Kakashi stormed off.

"Thank you," Deidara said to his savior, a guy wearing a black hoodie. _Hoodie…_

"No problem," Tobi said solemnly, "it makes me so mad to see someone who doesn't deserve you handle you like that. Not that I'm saying I deserve you."

"Thank you Tobi," Deidara began, "but please go away. If I see you now, these old wounds I have will too quickly bleed afresh. And, I doubt Kisame would want to see you here…"

"Kisame," Tobi said the word as if it were evil, "Yeah, you are probably right. I will be going…" Tobi began to walk off, but, suddenly, he whirled around and looked Deidara in the eye.

"All I want you to do is text me… please!" Tobi said, his voice cracking, "I can explain what you saw. Please… I'm so sorry."

"I… I can't" Deidara said tearfully.

"Please," Tobi begged.

"I… okay, I will text you. Not tonight though. I am having fun with Kisame." Deidara suddenly noticed Kisame weaving through the crowd towards him. "Now, _go!"_

Tobi slipped through the crowd and melted away.

"Who was that?" Kisame asked as he came up next to Deidara.

"An old friend," Deidara smiled, "hey, let's ditch this place and go back to your place. What do you say?"

Kisame smiled flirtatiously. "Sounds good to me…" As they walked out, Deidara gazed back at the crowd in the club. In his heart he knew that, somewhere in the crowd, Tobi was there. Tobi would always be there…

Deidara lay on Kisame's bed, his eyes feeling slightly heavy. Kisame was in the shower—he practically lived in the water—and Deidara was waiting for him to emerge. In his mind, he wondered how far things would go tonight. _Am I ready? Surely by now… I have been dating guys, but I have yet to experience the urge of humanity. Maybe… I should give in. I wanted to wait for Tobi… but it's now or never. _

Suddenly, Kisame entered the room, interrupting his thoughts. He was completely naked, but this barely even fazed Deidara.

"Kisame," Deidara laughed, "your abs are looking pretty sick." Kisame gazed at Deidara with an intense, yet passionate look.

"Your body is looking amazing as ever…" Kisame sat down on the side of the bed, "so… do you want to, I don't know, maybe try something tonight?"

Deidara swallowed hard. "Yeah… I think I'm ready now…" Kisame gently reached over and pulled off Deidara's shirt. His eyes grew wide as he noticed how prominent Deidara's ribs were.

"Deidara," Kisame scolded sharply, "you really need to take better care of yourself."

"I keep my body like this for you…" Deidara began.

"That's no excuse. Sure, I love your body, but I love you more. And I don't want something to happen because you have poor health." Scoffing, Deidara eased off his short. He then crawled over to Kisame and lie next to him. Kisame wrapped his arms around Deidara and pulled him close.

Deidara breathed in deeply; he could still smell the air of the shower on Kisame. He smelled clean and wild like the ocean. Deidara felt a shiver run through his body.

_I'm ready, but I don't want to do anything tonight… Not yet…_

"Kisame," Deidara said quietly as Kisame began to tug at his under-armor boxers, "Can we, wait?" Kisame regarded him quizzically for a moment.

"Of course," Kisame said, relief spreading through Deidara, "Just let me go put some clothes on." Kisame got up and left the room. Deidara quickly pulled out his ipod and plugged it into Kisame's dock station. He scrolled down and picked a song that he knew would bring him to tears.

**_"Upstairs in bed with my ex-boy_**

**_He's in the place but I can't get joy_**

**_Thinking of you in the final throws_**

**_And this is when my buzzer goes_**

**_Ran out to meet you, chips and pitta_**

**_You say, "When me married," 'cause you're not bitter_**

**_There'll be none of him no more_**

**_I cried for you on the kitchen floor_**

**_ I cheated myself, like I knew I would_**

**_ I told you, I was trouble_**

**_ Yeah, you know that I'm no good…"_**

Deidara wiped tears from his eyes. The song always reminded him of how lost he used to be, and his heart still resonated with that sorrow after all these years. Suddenly, he didn't want to hold back the tears anymore. He slumped to the floor and wept. He wept for Tobi. He wept for Kisame. He wept for his mother. He wept for Kakashi. And he wept for himself.

He suddenly felt a hand on his back. "Kisame," Deidara said in-between sobs, "I'm sorry you have to see me like this." Kisame said nothing as he picked Deidara up and embraced him.

"I want you to seriously talk to Tobi," Kisame said, his eyes laden with sorrow, "Give him a chance to explain."

"I will," Deidara said, "but for now, all I want is you." Their lips met and, as they parted, only Deidara's sobbing broke the silence…

**_"I cheated myself, like I knew I would_**

**_ I told you, I was trouble_**

**_ Yeah, you know that I'm no good…."_**

* * *

**A/N: Another update my lovelies (pretty sure I misspelled that xD) Anywayy, These past two weeks have been worthless -_-. My update was ready weeks ago, but I had to have my computer hardrive and motherboard replaced, and I had to reinstall microsoft... etc. Basically an awful couple of weeks. Anywayy, as of now, I only have one more scheduled repair on my computer... so we should be good :). I love all of my reviewers, they really mean a lot to me. R&R, and I shall keep the updates coming. :) *heart***

**SoleixDeidara3*heart*3**

**-We are the crowd, feel the burn of it all**

**Cloaked in a shroud, we are destined to fall**

**But we flee from the light, we covet the fame**

**So we bask in the night, it is always the same**

**We don't truly live, we our trapped in our minds**

**We have nothing left to give, we have run out of time...**


	16. Tears of the Forgotten

Tears of the Forgotten

Deidara swallowed hard. It was 3 a.m. and Kisame was fast asleep. He didn't want anyone to witness his conversation with Tobi. He wanted to hear Tobi's entire story without any input from someone else. That was that.

**Hey, Tobi. I'm ready to hear what you have to say.**

The reply was almost immediate. **_Hey, can I please call you? This shouldn't be done in text. I'd actually rather be there face to face, but, I can't do that now. You are with Kisame. _**

** Okay… **

Deidara felt his phone vibrate, and his latest ringtone, _Bad Romance_, faintly reached his ears. He answered the call and placed the phone next to his ear.

"Hello?" Deidara whispered.

_"Deidara!" Tobi's voice rang out, "I'm sorry… I just haven't talked to you in so long. It feels like a hole in me is filling up. I miss you…"_

"We talked last night…" Deidara said quizzically.

_"No, that wasn't talking. That was me trying to help you out with Kakashi… I'm sorry about him… I didn't think he was that stupid. You punched him pretty good though._

"Yeah," Deidara laughed, "I did what I had to do… So, if you will, please explain—"

_"Yes," Tobi said urgently, "of course. I know this is going to be hard to believe. But Itachi threw himself on me. I tried to push him off, but he seemed supernaturally determined to hang on. I guess that's because he knew you were there… I'm sorry. I can't even begin to apologize. I would never betray you like that… EVER. I don't know how that all happened, I suspected it could have been staged, but it doesn't matter. I don't expect you to believe me, but I just want you to listen. I made Itachi leave, and he seemed confused. He said Kisame's car had disappeared. And then, in what perhaps was the most heart-shattering moment of my entire life, I saw your car there… I didn't know what to do, how much you had seen. And then when you didn't respond to any of my texts… I figured you had seen everything, but you left before I told off Itachi. I'm sorry Deidara… Please… Forgive me…"_

Deidara felt as if he had just woken up from the most horrible nightmare, as if he had pierced the veil and finally found what had been eluding him for all this time. Tobi didn't betray him…

"Thank you Tobi," Deidara said, happiness gushing from his words, "but I have to go for a moment… I shall call you in the morning."

_"Okay," Tobi said, clearly confused, but he didn't protest._

Deidara hung up, and whirled around to walk to Kisame's room. With a start, he realized Kisame was standing in the doorway. Tears were flowing from both his eyes, and, for the first time, Deidara thought Kisame looked weak; his eyes shining like a lost and hungry child's.

"I need to tell you something," Kisame said, choking back a sob.

"It's fine," Deidara said, "I called Tobi. We can be friends again. I—"

"_No!"_ Kisame yelled, "you and Tobi should be more than friends. You belong with him not me. I was just… I was just so jealous. I…" Kisame came forward and embraced Deidara, resting his head on Deidara's. Deidara buried his face in Kisame's chest, savoring the warmth.

"You can't love me, Deidara," Kisame said, his tears flowing onto Deidara's hair.

"Of course I can," Deidara smiled. To try and cheer up Kisame, Deidara playfully ran his hand along the zipper of Kisame's jeans, hoping the dirty humor would improve his mood somewhat. However, to Deidara surprise, Kisame pushed Deidara off of him.

"Don't you get it?" Kisame cried, his "cool-guy" demeanor completely shattered, "I'm the reason that you saw Itachi with Tobi. I'm the reason you thought he cheated on you. I set that whole thing up, just so I could have you. I never expected you to actually love me, but then… you did. I couldn't live with myself… I'm so sorry Deidara. I understand if you want to leave."

Deidara gazed at Kisame, awestruck… _He did all this… but… I am not mad. I can't be mad anymore. I've wasted enough time crying over everything. _

"I will drive you to Tobi's if you—" Kisame began, but he was cut off as Deidara leaped up, Kisame's arms catching him reflexively, and Deidara pulled Kisame's head in and kissed him deeply.

After their lips parted, Kisame stared at him in awe… "Why…?"

"Because," Deidara smiled, "I  
understand that brought pain into my life, but, the fact that you told me the truth, even though you knew you would lose me, means a lot. Thank you Kisame."

"I guess this means you and I are done," Kisame said mournfully.

"No, not yet…" Deidara smiled. "I think… okay, this is going to come as a huge shock to you. I think we should… have sex… you know, before I get back together with Tobi, and you and I become just friends again. If we didn't, I think there would be too much left unresolved between us, and I don't want any problems to arise in the future because we didn't act upon our feelings now…"

Kisame regarded him with a deadpan expression. "You're serious?" Kisame said with disbelief.

"Yeah," Deidara sighed, "I really am. Tobi won't like it. I have no doubt he wanted to be my first, but… this has to happen. I just know it will makes things better."

"Okay… Kisame said, shrugging, "When do you wanna, you know… get jiggy with it?" Deidara smiled at his lame joke.

"I don't care, but I am going to tell Tobi. I need him to understand… why." Deidara pulled out his phone, "do you mind?"

Kisame smirked, "by all means." Kisame left the room as Deidara pressed the call button.

_"Hello?" Tobi answered. _

"Hey," Deidara said, "just so you know, you are forgiven completely, but… there is something I have to do before we officially get back together…"

_"Sure, anything…" Tobi said, "what is it?"_

"I kind of have to… sleep with Kisame…" Deidara said reluctantly, "Please understand if I don't I will—"

_"I understand," Tobi said, the suppressed anger evident in his voice, "I know I wanted to be your first, but if you don't sleep with him, there will be too much tension, and that could lead to problems. Besides, it's not like you are my first anyway… Deidara, please don't sleep with him… if you can… I don't want you to do this… you will regret it later… I know you think that it is right, but just think about it okay?" _

"I will Tobi. There is one more thing," Deidara said, swallowing deeply. He knew it would be easy, but he had to say it. "I want you to sleep with Itachi…"

_"WHAT! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT?!" Tobi shouted in rage._

"Because, despite what you say, you do feel love for him, and, while it is probably just purely sexual desire, if you don't get rid of it, then something could happen… later on… Look, I don't want you to do it. At all. But you need to. It is for the best. I sleep with Kisame, and you sleep with Itachi, and then you and I can be together… I'm not making much sense am I?"

_"No, you aren't," Tobi said, breathing in sharply, "This is crazy. How in the hell would this resolve ANYTHING….it's just this isn't the best way. But I understand your reasons, as stupid as they may be. Still, call me tomorrow please. I need to think, and I want to talk to you about this some more."_

"Okay, Deidara said, "I love you." Tobi was silent for a moment.

_"I love you too, Deidara…" Tobi said, "More than you could ever imagine."_

Deidara hung up and sighed, leaning his head against the wall.

"So," Kisame said as he reentered the room, "How did it go?" Deidara laughed weakly.

"He took it better than I expected," Deidara began, "but I can tell he's hurt…"

"You don't have to—" Kisame began.

"Yes, I do…" Deidara cut him off, "But we don't have to do it now. I'm not in the mood anyway. I just need to sleep…"

"Alright," Kisame conceded, "I am going to crash as well."

"I'll be in your room in a little," Deidara replied, "I am going to shower."

"Alright," Kisame said, "Don't take forever. Nah, just kidding… I should stop talking now… Bye." Kisame awkwardly left the room, and Deidara laughed.

Deidara walked into the bathroom, closed the door, and turned on _Bad Romance. _He hopped in the shower and closed the see-through curtains—because that would conceal him so well. He turned the water on, wincing as the freezing cold liquid surged out before the water could fully heat up. However, sighing as the warm water began to flow over his body, he leaned against the shower walls and closed his eyes.

Suddenly, Deidara was aware of someone else in the room with him. He opened his eyes with a start, and his heart began to beat as he saw Kisame standing there watching him wearing nothing but white boxers.

As if in a dream, Deidara just watched as Kisame pushed the curtain aside and stepped into the shower with Deidara. As the water poured over Kisame, his boxers became see-through, and Deidara's heart felt as if it were going to burst.

"I said I'm not in the mood to—" Kisame silenced him with a kiss. Deidara didn't resist in the slightest; instead, he completely threw himself into Kisame. Kisame grabbed Deidara's ass, and he pulled Deidara up, intensifying the kiss. Deidara placed one hand on Kisame's face and the other on Kisame's member, which was steadily increasing in size.

Soon, the only thing Deidara could hear was the blood pounding in his ears and _Bad Romance_ filling the air around him.

**_"I want your love and all your love's revenge_**

**_ You and me could write a bad romance_**

**_ I want your love and all your love's revenge_**

**_ You and me could write a bad romance_**

**_ I don't wanna be friends_**

**_ No, I don't wanna be friends_**

**_ I don't wanna be friends_**

**_ Want your bad romance_**

**_ Caught in a bad romance_**

**_ WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE!"_**

****Kisame began to pant as Deidara's fingers closed around his member. Deidara began to slide his fingers up and down Kisame's member, and this earned more vicious squeezes from Kisame. Kisame buried his face in Deidara's neck and began to run his tongue along his skin.

"Still not in the mood," Kisame whispered in a seductive voice that made Deidara's head spin.

"_Intoxicate me now, with your loving now. I think I'm ready now, Intoxicate me now…"_ Deidara recited. Kisame ripped his boxers off and spun Deidara around, pinning his against the shower wall by his arms. Kisame leaned into Deidara and Deidara began to pant as he felt Kisame's member against his ass. Kisame then spun Deidara back around and looked him straight in the eye.

"Are you sure you want this?" Kisame asked, "You never forget your first…"

"I'm… sure," Deidara said desperately, but with a hint of hesitation. Kisame regarded him with an air of disbelief, as if he couldn't believe this was actually happening.

"Alright if you are sure," Kisame said. He picked Deidara up and carried him, dripping wet, into his bedroom. Deidara gazed up at Kisame, unsure whether to be excited or terrified.

Kisame set him down on the bed, and, to Deidara's confusion, he began to sift through his bedside drawer. Smiling wide, he produced a small square package. After a moment of confusion, Deidara realized it was a condom.

"Sorry," Kisame said awkwardly, "I keep a few in my wallet, but I knew I had one it here… It's Dr. Pepper flavored." Kisame added with a wink.

"Great," Deidara laughed, "Now I can enjoy being choked to death." Kisame stuck out his tongue.

"I'm more worried about your ass," Kisame joked, "It'd be a shame to damage perfection."

"Look," Deidara laughed, "It can't be that bad… right?" Kisame regarded him seriously.

"Look," Kisame began, "honestly, if this is your first time, I am probably not the best person to start with. It might… hurt… a lot… but at the same time, it won't… make sense?"

"Whatever," Deidara sighed, "Let's do this… I'm not going to lie you are getting hotter by the minute."

"Your ass never looked so good," Kisame said with a dirty look. Deidara was already naked, and Kisame un-wrapped the condom and slid it over his member. Then, placing his hand on the back of Deidara's hand, he guided Deidara to his member. Reluctantly, Deidara opened his mouth, and Kisame pushed down harder, Kisame's member entering Deidara's mouth. Stifling a laugh, Deidara realized Kisame wasn't joking about the Dr. Pepper flavor; it actually tasted good.

However, Kisame pushed a little too far, and Deidara let out a strangled cough.

"Sorry," Kisame apologized quickly. Deidara continued sucking Kisame's member. _It's getting bigger… that can't be possible… this is the end of the world… _Kisame pushed down on Deidara's head a little more, and Deidara felt Kisame's head brush his gag reflex. Fighting the urge to puke with every last bit of willpower he possessed, Deidara managed to ignore the sensation and it passed.

Finally, Kisame eased off of Deidara, and, as he began to fish through his drawer for something, Deidara sighed and leaned back against the headboard. _This isn't so bad… who am I kidding… this is tearing me up inside… I can't do this… not to Tobi… I have gone far enough with this already. _

"What's wrong," Kisame said suddenly, stopping what he was doing as he noticed Deidara's forlorn expression.

"I… I can't do this, Kisame." Deidara sighed, on the verge of tears, "Tobi was right… this is too far… I already feel like I have betrayed him, and I can't take it anymore."

Kisame regarded him steadily. "I'm sorry," Kisame sighed, banging his head against the wall, "why did I have to be so stupid and ruin everything for you and Tobi, just because I was jealous… Look… please forgive me, again. This is too far, and I know that Tobi will hate me for eternity, but, if you can, your forgiveness would somehow lessen the pain of this this whole ordeal. Can you—"

"You already have my forgiveness," Deidara sobbed, "None of this is your fault, and the fact that you didn't push me to continue and have sex with you speaks a lot about who you are. Besides, this is all my fault… if I wasn't such a reckless slut… First Kakashi, then Tobi, now you… and back to Tobi… Maybe I should just give up dating all together… I obviously can't remain loyal to anyone…"

"NO!" Kisame barked, causing Deidara to jump, "You and Tobi are _perfect_ for each other, but I had to get in the way of everything. Please… I will drive you too your house so you can pick up your car and head to Tobi's… I want this matter resolved for good. I will miss you, Deidara."

"I will miss you too," Deidara said seriously, "we can still hang out though… right?"

"I suppose so," Kisame smiled, "even though it will hurt knowing I will never have you again…"

"Nothing is forever…" Deidara said quietly, immediately wishing he hadn't. Kisame brightened.

"True," Kisame noted, "but I hope you and Tobi are happy… forever. Now come on, I will drive you to your house."

"Alright," Deidara smiled, his heart rising in his chest with the idea that he could finally meet Tobi.

Deidara stared up at his ceiling; the icy clarity that always came over him when he was deep in thought sharpened if anything by the blank page above him.

_What will Tobi think of me… I didn't give myself to Kisame… but I gave him something…_

Swallowing hard, Deidara stood up and walked over to his mirror, drinking in his reflection. The countless tears he had shed had finally managed to best his "water-proof" eyeliner, but he didn't mind; the black teardrop effect looked extremely somber—perfect for his mood.

**_Holy Water, cannot help you now_**

**_ A thousand armies, could not keep me out_**

**_ I don't want your money, _**

**_I don't want your crown_**

**_ See I've come to burn _**

**_Your kingdom down_**

**_ Holy Water, cannot help you now…_**

**_ See I've come to burn your kingdom down_**

**_ And no rivers, and no lakes, can put the fire out_**

**_ I'm gonna raise the stakes, I'm gonna smoke you out._**

****Deidara sighed. He was ready to confront Tobi; it was time he faced him. Deidara felt his heart beat with anticipation; he was finally going to see Tobi again…

**_Seven Devils all around you_**

**_ Seven Devils in my house_**

**_ See they were there when I woke up this morning_**

**_ And I'll be dead before the day is done…_**

****_But… will Tobi want to see me…_

**A/N: REVISED AND EDITED... KIND OF. I did NOT want to rewrite the whole chapter seeing as that is... ridiculous, but I am truly sorry for the Kisame x Deidara. After reading the chapter, I realize that this was quite an infuriating moment, so I diluted the Kisame x Deidara to simple sexual interaction, I hope that it is okay. I cannot allow NOTHING to happen between them however... Because that would take out a huge portion of the future idea I have for the next couple of chapters. Anyway, I apologize to you Redskiez. While I am an enormous Deidara fan, I hold a little resentment towards Tobi due to the whole Sasuke vs Deidara fight. TOBI COULD HAVE SAVED HIM! BUT NO SASUKE IS JUST TOO DAMN GOOD! NO, that is not the case ;) Okay, I hope this is a little better than what was previously chapter 16. R&R and tell me what you think...**

**SoleixDedara 3 3 *heart***

**They say that love is a mutual thing**

**But why does is seem to be just me who cares for you?**

**I can't promise that things will never change**

**But it doesn't matter, your words were never true...**


	17. Eternally Frayed

Eternally Frayed

The night sky seemed unusually cloudy, as if the heavens were laden with tears waiting to be shed upon the earth, and the only light that pierced the night was the faint illumination of the moon. Deidara had arrived ten minutes earlier, but Deidara was still nervous about meeting Tobi face to face and was pacing the pavement; he was worried he wouldn't understand why he did what he did with Kisame.

_Of course he will understand… he loves you… I have no doubt…_ Finally, closing his eyes so that the illusion that he was detached from the world and his actions weren't his own could sink in; he knocked on Tobi's door.

After about ten seconds, the door swung open and Deidara met Tobi's gaze. There was a strange longing in Tobi's eyes, but, Deidara noticed, Tobi's eyes were fringed with a strange sorrow—as if her were trying to dissuade himself of a thought.

"Tobi…" Deidara breathed, "I missed you…" Deidara was immediately embraced, and he coveted the strange feeling of warmth that only Tobi's arms could provide—one of the feelings that not even Kisame could replace.

"I missed you too…" Tobi whispered in Deidara's ear. "Alright, come on in. We have a lot to talk about."

"Okay," Deidara replied. Tobi released him, and Deidara followed him inside. As Deidara shut the door behind him, he heard the faint rumble of thunder in the distance. Tobi gestured for Deidara to sit across from him, and Deidara obliged.

_Weird… I thought we would be sitting together… oh well…_ Deidara smiled at Tobi, and, much to Deidara's confusion, Tobi gave only a half-smile in return; his expression not entirely welcoming Deidara back into his home.

"So," Deidara began, clearing his throat, "I guess I should skip the particulars. Did you sleep with Itachi?" Tobi stared at Deidara blankly, pain flashing in his eyes.

"No." Tobi replied.

"Why not!" Deidara exclaimed, his voice rising as his panic began to do the same, "I told you to—"

"What you asked me to do," Tobi interrupted, "was to betray the person that I love with everything I have, just to rid myself of an impulse. It took me about three seconds to trash the idea. Why in hell would I _ever_ betray you?"

Deidara felt his composure fracture. "I-I… I don't know…"

"Answer me, Deidara," Tobi said sharply.

"Because… you had to! It was the only way we could make things right… It was what needed to be done. Don't you understand? If you don't do that, then our relationship will be frayed forever. You—"

"I'm sorry," Tobi interrupted, his rage clearly rising, "So, you expect me to betray you… so that our relationship will be stronger? That makes perfect fucking sense."

"You don't get it! Tobi listen—"

"No, Deidara, you listen," Tobi said, his voice rising to a shout, "Never ask me to do something like that to you. Ever! Because, I won't. I love you, and I have more respect for you and myself than to stoop that low. That would be like me asking you to have fucking sex with Kisame for fuck's sake!"

Deidara felt his heart drop. "What do you mean?" Deidara said, his throat suddenly dry.

"I don't know how to make it any  
fucking clearer? Asking me to sleep with Itachi is like me asking you to do _anything _sexual with Kisame. Neither one of us would do it out of respect for the other."

Deidara felt his heart break, and his composure exploded into millions of tiny shards; each so fragile and minute that he would never be able to salvage them. "But… Tobi… I-I…"

"You what," Tobi said blankly, "What is it." Deidara noticed his anger begin to evaporate.

_He doesn't know… he thought I was kidding… maybe I can just keep it from him…_ Immediately, Deidara felt every cell of his being burn with intense agony, and he knew that this secret would devour everything he was if he kept it hidden.

"I… I gave Kisame a blowjob…" Deidara cried, tears now flowing from his eyes, "I am so sorry Tobi. I thought you knew that I… I'm sorry… I thought you were okay… with…" Tobi gazed at Deidara, a confused look on his face.

"I'm sorry," Tobi laughed, a smile on his face that seemed far to unnerving to belong to any human, "I didn't quite catch that. Can you say it one more time?"

Deidara swallowed. "I gave Kisame a blowjob..." He said simply, though the words were barely managed between sobs. Deidara noticed Tobi's eye seemed to twitch, and, as Deidara's words began to resonate in his mind, his smile slowly faded. Tobi's eyes clouded over with unmasked rage, but he held his poise; his hands twisting into the fabric of the couch.

"You should go…" Tobi said quietly. Deidara felt fear begin to rise in his chest; the icy calm of Tobi's words striking a chord in his mind.

"Tobi," he began. Suddenly, Tobi leaped up from the couch, and, grasping the table between them, he picked it up and hurled it into an ornate glass cabinet. The cabinet shattered into an incalculable amount of glass shards, and Deidara, tears now flowing freely, leaped off of his seat and ran towards the door.

Deidara turned, stealing one last look at Tobi, whose eyes held only hatred, and whose face was contorted by betrayal.

"Go," Tobi said, a tear leaking out of one eye, "I don't want to see you. Please… get out now…" Deidara turned and left, Tobi quickly coming up to slam the door behind him.

As Deidara stood outside, fat raindrops began to sprinkle down from the sky, and the realization that Tobi wanted nothing to do with him finally sunk in. "He… hates me…" Deidara breathed raggedly, "He hates me…" Deidara began to walk, no destination in mind at first, but, as he reminisced of the times he spent with Tobi, the Cliffside that overlooked the ocean came to mind. It wasn't very far, and it would probably take Deidara twenty minutes to reach it, if he ran that is.

Deidara began to run, the preoccupation of his destination and the adrenaline granted by both running and the rain that was now beginning to pour. Fishing his Ipod out of his pocket, Deidara plugged his earphones in and picked up his pace—letting the music drown out his sorrow.

**_"This is the end._**

**_ Hold your breath and count to ten_**

**_ Feel the earth move and then_**

**_ Hear my heart burst again_**

**_ For this is the end_**

**_ I've drowned and dreamt this moment_**

**_ So overdue I've owed them_**

**_ Swept away I'm stolen_**

**_Let the Skyfall_**

**_ When it crumbles_**

**_ We will stand tall _**

**_ Or face it all together_**

**_ Let the Skyfall_**

**_ As it crumbles_**

**_ We shall stand tall_**

**_ Or face it all together_**

**_ At Skyfall…" _**

****Deidara found himself wiping tears from his eyes, and the rain now was a relentless torrential downpour.

He turned his Ipod off, and shoved it in his pocket. The rain plastered his hair to his face, but it felt strangely cooling against his skin. Deidara finished the last few minutes of his run in silence, and, soon enough, he found himself at the Cliffside.

"So many memories…" Deidara breathed, his breathing still a little ragged from his run, "And all of them are nothing but that now…" Deidara jumped suddenly as lightning illuminated the ocean in front of him; the bolt of radiant energy only about a mile or so away.

_That was kind of… close…_ Deidara sighed and leaned against the tree, savoring the sweet comfort that went along with it. Only a luminous white flower, glowing silver in the moonlight, blossomed on the fertile cliff, and Deidara closed his eyes…

_Deidara sat with Tobi on a grassy cliff that overlooked the ocean. As the moon rose high in the sky, the water shimmered with an iridescent radiance, and Deidara stared in awe at its raw beauty. __**This is art.**_

_"It's beautiful isn't it," Tobi said, once again seeming to read Deidara's thoughts. How does he always do that…? _

_"Yes," Deidara sighed, "It's one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen."_

_"It's not as beautiful as you." Tobi said immediately. Deidara tore his eyes away from the moonlight water and faced Tobi, his cheeks burning. _

_"W-What did y-you say…?" Deidara breathed. Tobi leaned in close, face inches from Deidara's. Deidara felt his heart skip a beat. _

_"Did I stutter?" Tobi said passionately. _

_"No I just—" __**It's now or never. **__Deidara lunged forward and, grabbing the hem of Tobi's hoodie, he threw it back off his head. Deidara felt his heart skip another beat. Tobi was hot._

_His eyes were a blood red, but, on his pale skin, they didn't look frightening. They looked… intense. His shaggy black hair that would normally cover his eyes was swept out of his face by the wind, revealing his sharp features. His small nose made his sharp cheekbones stand out, and his masculine, defined chin. _

_Tobi glared at Deidara, his eyes seeming to have a fire deep within them._

_"Well…" Tobi huffed, "did you get what you wanted?" Deidara could only smile._

_"And more." Deidara said, leaning his head on Tobi's shoulder. Tobi's hand immediately rose up and rested on the back of Deidara's neck, and Tobi pulled Deidara closer. _

_"You know," Tobi began, "I should be angry with you, but I'm not. I guess I can never get mad at you." __**You could. You really could. But you never do…**_

_"Tobi, c-can I a-ask you s-something?" Deidara said shakily, not fully trusting his words. Tobi gazed at him, his red eyes glowing in the moonlight. _

_"Ask away." Tobi said bluntly._

_"Do you—__**Forget it, ask him something else**__—I-I mean, how has no one noticed your face before? You are a lifeguard aren't you?"_

_Tobi frowned, clearly he was disappointed with the question. "Well, no one has ever seen my face, except for a few of my friends, so they wouldn't recognize me even if they saw me."_

_"Clever," Deidara laughed, "but why would you want to hide your face? It's—"_

_"Gorgeous?" Tobi finished, "I don't want someone to like me just because my appearance. If your friends only like you for the way you look, they are shallow and fake. I want something real, someone real…" Tobi pulled Deidara to his chest._

_"I want someone like you." Tobi hugged Deidara tightly, "I want you."_

Another flash of lightning, this time seeming to be even closer, roused Deidara from his reverie. _Those times are gone… If only. _Deidara got up and walked to the edge of the cliff, the powerful ocean raging below him. The ocean always reminded him of love… at a first glance, no one could possibly imagine such serene beauty ever becoming such wrathful turmoil. Deidara felt tears begin to leak from his eyes again, though they were lost among the falling rain.

Deidara took one last look at the ocean, relishing the feeling that only it could provide. Suddenly, Deidara felt an intense energy and a brilliant radiance being unleashed no more than ten meters from him, realizing with a start that a lightning bolt must have struck the cliff. Although Deidara felt no burns on his body, the primordial force of the lightning bolt send him falling back off the cliff; the air tasting of electricity. Panic rose in Deidara's chest as his vision began to black out… the electricity interfering with his nervous system even though the bolt hadn't been near enough to harm him.

Deidara didn't feel his body hit the water; he just knew that he had. Thankfully, in his dream-like state, his body floated even amidst the roaring ocean. However, as a wave crashed into him, Deidara felt himself slipping into unconsciousness, and, as another wave crashed into his body, he stopped feeling anything…

* * *

**A/N: Okay... A simple re-update... but I love you all :D**

**SoleixDeidara**

**I hate that I cannot fill the void in my soul**

**But there is nothing lefft, but a heart of coal**

**So kiss my lips, let sweet venom drip**

**Embrace the night, and take a sip...**


	18. Fever Dreams

Fever Dreams

Harsh sunlight filtered in through Deidara's eyelids, and he groaned in agony. Waves lapped at his sides from where he lay on the shore, and, although his body still felt numb, Deidara sighed in relief as he realized he had no serious injuries. However, standing up would be a challenge in itself. Deidara felt very weak, and his mind was still foggy from the night before—at least he hoped it had just been a night; he had lost his grip on reality.

However, despite the haze that filled his mind with a blank confusion, Tobi's anger was still prominent, like a wound that still bled afresh. It cut Deidara far too deep for him to simply forget; all the power of nature buckling before the sorrow that Deidara held within him.

"Tobi…" Deidara whispered, "What could I have done… what can I do… to fix this…" Deidara opened his eyes, and the sunlight seemed to intensify tenfold; the once-bearable light seeming to pierce his flesh. Then again, everything seemed to cut right through him. Now that Tobi didn't want anything to do with him, reality seemed to stark to bear.

Deidara began the task of rising to his feet. After ten minutes of struggling, Deidara was barely on his knees, and he was sweating profusely. Panting hard, Deidara gazed up at the sand in front of him. In the distance, he saw someone leaning against a tree… someone in a black hoodie.

"Tobi," Deidara breathed, the sudden realization that he was running towards Tobi hitting him like a slap in the face. "Tobi," Deidara called out laughing, "I'm so glad you found me. I…" Deidara's voice trailed off as he realized that the figure was no longer there. Broken-hearted, Deidara slumped to his knees; his tears flowing down his face and pooling on the sand beneath him.

"I let myself believe you would be here…" Deidara laughed weakly, musing to himself, "Because I still love you… more than anything… I made a mistake. I realize this. I would do anything to take it back, but it doesn't matter anymore. I don't know where I am… and you want nothing to do with me. And, worst of all, I deserve this…"

Deidara subconsciously reached into his back pocket, and, with a jolt, he let out a sigh of relief as his fingers closed around his IPod. After quickly inspecting it through tear laden eyes, Deidara sighed in relief again as he realized it was okay. However, his phone, while surprisingly was undamaged by the water, was on its last legs at 4% power…

_At least I have a way out of here… Wherever here is…_ Checking his service, Deidara realized he only had one bar. Deidara quickly ran through his top 3 contacts. His mom, Sasori, and Konan failed to answer. He considered calling Kisame, but he couldn't do that. It would be like betraying Tobi all over again. Kakashi was another option, but he would probably rape him. Deidara shuddered at the thought.

"I guess I have no choice," Deidara sighed, defeated. Deidara dialed Tobi, and to his surprise, Tobi picked up on the second ring.

_"What do you want?" Tobi said blankly._

"Tobi," Deidara said, tears already welling up in his eyes, "I don't know where I am, but I have no one else to turn to. I wouldn't call you otherwise; I am well aware you want nothing to do with me, but—"

_"Hold on… where are you? What happened?" Tobi asked._

"I d-don't… I don't know…" Deidara cried, "I was blown off that cliff where we used to watch to moon rise on the ocean by a bolt of lightning… I know it sound ridiculous, but that is what happened… And, I'm scared Tobi… I don't know—"

_"Wait, __**What **__happened?" Tobi interrupted, "How did this happen."_

"I ran to the cliff after I left your house… and, it was raining, and, I was remembering the time we spent there and… then the lightning hit, and I don't remember anything else. I woke up a little while ago, and, my mind is still fuzzy, but I can remember your disappointment in me… I'm so sorry Tobi… I'm… sorry."

_"Deidara," Tobi snapped, "I need you to focus. Stay with me. I will do my best to trace your phone signal… do not leave the spot you are in… I think I can find you… How much battery do you have?"_

"Down to 1%" Deidara said weakly, "I'm sorry…"

_"Okay," Tobi said urgently, "I will be there soon… I hope… Don't move… Promise me…"_

"I promise…" Deidara said weakly, a sudden drowsiness passing over him.

_"Okay. I lo—" _Deidara's phone died before Tobi could finish. But, it didn't matter, Deidara let sweet slumber overtake him.

So there was this guy. He had everything he could possibly ask for in life, but he wanted to see how far he could push it. He kept asking for more and more; he pushed every boundary to the limit and then some. And yet, there never seemed to be any reprimanding for his actions. Until one day, when he was feeling particularly brave, he went beyond what even he thought of as permissible. And then, just like every other time, he went back to his heart, expecting everything to remain unchanged. However, this time, to his horror, everything was shattered, and, try as the poor soul might, there was nothing he could ever do to piece them all back together. So, broken and defeated, he clung to the one shred of hope that still tied him to this world; the hope that one day, his life could return to the way it once was…

Deidara was roused from the horrible dream by the sound of distant thunder. _Great… Just what I need… more lightning. _Deidara tried to rise to his feet again, but, with a sudden fear rising within him, he realized he couldn't. Deidara's body refused to comply, and Deidara felt panic rise within his chest as he realized he was stuck there. Thunder boomed again, this time much closer, and a heavy rain began to fall. Despite Deidara's fear, the rain began to lull him back into the reality-numbing slumber.

_Deidara was in a vast desert; not a sign of life for miles. His throat was dry and parched; he hadn't have anything to drink in what must have been days. The sun beat down mercilessly, and Deidara felt as if he were better off giving in to the claws of death. However, with a sudden shock, he realized that Tobi was in the distance next to a blossoming oasis. Deidara tried to pick up his pace, but it was to no avail. His feet were firmly set at their pace. All Deidara could do was press forward. In his slowly regressing sanity, he began to sing._

**_"Feet don't fail me now_**

**_ Take me to the finish line_**

**_ All my heart, it breaks every step that I take_**

**_ But I'm hoping that the gates,_**

**_ They'll tell me that you're mine_**

**_ Walking through the city streets_**

**_ Is it by mistake or design?_**

**_ I feel so alone on a Friday night_**

**_ Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine_**

**_ It's like I told you honey_**

_Deidara kept pressing forward, but Tobi seemed even farther away with each step he took…_

**_Don't make me sad, don't make me cry_**

**_ Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough_**

**_ I don't know why_**

**_ Keep making me laugh,_**

**_ Let's go get high_**

**_ The road is long, we carry on_**

**_ Try to have fun in the meantime_**

_Deidara could no longer discern the line between reality and fantasy. The desert seemed to blossom with lush grass, and the oasis shriveled and died. However, Tobi still remained there; unchanged by the transformation that seemed to have affected the rest of the world. "Just like his love…" Deidara breathed. Despite everything that had happened, Tobi had never stopped loving him… "He… loved me… and I let all go…"_

**_Come and take a walk on the wild side_**

**_ Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain_**

**_ You like your girls insane_**

_Tobi loomed so close, and Deidara, now crawling on his knees. Tobi began to walk toward him, and Deidara felt his heart leap high into the atmosphere._

**_ Choose your last words_**

**_ This is the last time_**

**_ Cause you and I, we were born to die"_**

_Deidara had finally reached Tobi, but, just before his outstretched hand met Tobi's, Tobi turned to dust and blew away into the wind. Deidara felt his heart shatter, and the entire world followed suit. Soon, Deidara was left in a world of nothing but darkness. A single tear leaked from his eye and fell into the void below, lost among the fathomless darkness._

Deidara woke with a start as thunder boomed overhead. Lightning arced through the sky, and Deidara felt a chill run through his spine. Lightning still plagued his fears; how could it not? The memory of what happened that night—whenever that night was—still lingered in his mind like a virulent pestilence that was slowly infecting his entire being. Deidara looked up into the sky, and, the rain pouring down on him, he felt as if he were soaring into the clouds.

"Deidara," Tobi said sharply, rousing him from his nap on the couch. Deidara sat up with a start. _It was just a dream. Just a Dream…_

Tobi had his hoodie pulled over his face, and one red eye stared at him from within the shadow like a glowing ember cutting away the darkness. Deidara sat up, and leaped into Tobi's arms, which embraced him as he rose, and he nestled his head into Tobi's shoulder.

"I've missed you so much Tobi…" Deidara sighed. However, Tobi did not respond. Deidara glanced up, and, to his surprise, Tobi looked at him blankly; a puzzled gleam in his red eye. His one red eye… _One red eye…_

Deidara lunged up and threw off the hood, and, as the hood revealed Kakashi, Deidara began to fiercely fight Kakashi's embrace. However, Kakashi was too strong, and, as Deidara began to shed tears and scream, Kakashi just gazed at him, a smug smile on his face.

"Expecting someone else?" Kakashi laughed darkly, "Sorry kid, this fairy tale doesn't have a happy ending." As Kakashi forced his lips on Deidara's, Deidara screamed louder, and the world burst into sparkling shards of glass. As they fell around him, they sliced through him. Deidara cried out in pain with each cut. Finally, when the glass stopped raining down around him, a single circle of reflective glass remained. Deidara picked it up to stare at his reflection. He laughed as a hideous monster stared back at him. _Poor fool, I can't waste my time with __**this.**_Deidara found it funny that the monster laughed with him. Come to think of it, the monster's eyes matched his own. With horror rising in his throat, he realized that the monster's face was exactly the same as his own, just mutilated beyond recognition. Tears flowing down his face, Deidara hurled the mirror to the ground, but it didn't shatter. He was left to look at the monster he had become…

Deidara gasped. He felt as if a bucket of freezing water had just been poured on him… He looked up into the sky, and raindrops met his gaze. _Oh yeah, it's raining… _

"Damn, sometimes I am such an idiot." Deidara sighed to himself.

"Yeah," Tobi's voice rang out, making Deidara jump, "You can be." Deidara began to look up hopefully, but he stopped himself. _Ignore it._

"Go away," Deidara whispered, "I can't take much more of these dreams… I am not sure if I can handle it."

"This isn't a dream…" Tobi whispered.

"Prove it," Deidara demanded, his tears washed away by the rain, "Prove to me that this is more than a fantasy. Every time I want to let myself believe, I realize that I was a fool to think you could take me back. I—"

Tobi pulled Deidara in and their lips met. For the first time, the piercing chill of the rain was driven away, and new warmth enveloped him. Deidara felt his heart give in to Tobi's embrace, but, in the moment when their lips parted, Deidara felt his mind slipping back beneath the ocean of black…

**_"Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit_**

**_Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss_**

**_And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh_**

**_Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?_**

**_Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?_**

**_There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance_**

**_To look into your eyes and see you looking back_**

**_Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you_**

**_For everything I just couldn't do_**

**_And I've hurt myself, oh_**

**_If I had just one more day_**

**_I would tell you how much that I've missed you_**

**_Since you've been away_**

**_Oh, it's dangerous_**

**_It's so out of line_**

**_To try and turn back time_**

Deidara lifted his head weakly, the whir of Tobi's car humming in his ears. Tobi drove the car, his eyes drifting to Deidara ever moment or so.

"Tobi," Deidara whispered, his voice barely audible. Somehow Tobi heard him.

"What's wrong?" Tobi asked, concerned.

"I'm sorry," Deidara breathed. Tobi's serious face softened, and Deidara drifted back to sleep.

**_I'm sorry for blaming you_**

**_For everything I just couldn't do_**

**_And I've hurt myself_**

**_By hurting you…"_**

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I edited chapter 16 & 17. I hope that is better, because I can't take that factor out. Anyway, my A/N would be longer, but I have work in 10 minutes O_o okay. I love you all bye**

**SoleixDeidara3**

**And I hurt myself,**

**By hurting you...**


	19. The Light of Lights Extinguished

The Light of Lights Extinguished

Deidara wasn't fully awake, but he wasn't fully asleep either. The world seemed cold and dark, and yet warmth permeated through the darkness. A soft humming filled his ears, and Deidara thought it could only be music; words flicking in and out of Deidara's conscious. However, despite the all-consuming blackness, Deidara saw a light piercing the darkness; so small and yet it drove back the night in a large radius. Deidara knew that it could only be Tobi.

Lying in this darkness; with half-sensations filling his body, Deidara couldn't remember where he was or how he had gotten there. He only remembered Tobi's lips on his own, and the sweet resonating of his love blossoming that still lingered within him.

"Deidara," Tobi's voice rang out, piercing the fathomless darkness, and, though Deidara had no doubt Tobi was right next to him, his voice sounded hundreds of miles away.

"I'm here…" Deidara called back, but his voice was too weak, and his words were swallowed by the darkness.

However, somehow, Tobi must have caught the barely audible whisper and the reply was more urgent.

"Deidara," Tobi called out, louder this time, "Are you okay? You don't look like you are awake… or even breathing. Should I take you to the hospital?"

"No..." Deidara replied, though his words were once again torn to shreds by the darkness. Again Tobi replied, this time more insistent.

"I don't know what to do Deidara," Tobi said, his voice on the verge of panic, "I…I… I-I never should have yelled at you. I was angry, I thought that you betrayed me, and I thought never wanted to see you again… but, that entire day after you left, I couldn't believe what I said to you, and… when you called me, saying that you were lost, I realized that I was too. Despite everything that has happened, I can't… I just can't live without you… and I'm willing to forgive you… if you will forgive me…"

Deidara tried to reply, but the darkness had entered his lungs, and he found himself unable to breathe—any and all words choked off by the infinite blackness.

"Deidara…?" Tobi said, concern lacing his words. "I… I… Are you okay…? I don't know what to do. I…. I'm sorry." Deidara couldn't see, but he felt Tobi's arms pull him up, and, as he felt Tobi's lips press into his the infinite dark shattered and the world blossomed into such vibrant color—the icy clarity sending Deidara's head spinning—that Deidara felt himself almost overtaken by the sensations.

Deidara's eyes flew open, and he found himself gazing into Tobi's crimson irises. Tobi's eyes widen in surprise, and Deidara laughed weakly.

"Tobi…" Deidara began, but Tobi silenced him with a kiss. Deidara press himself into the kiss, Tobi's arms wrapping around his small and weak frame, and Deidara's arms bracing himself against Tobi's chest.

"Deidara," Tobi said as he broke the kiss, "What happened…? How did you wake up…?"

"You, Tobi," Deidara laughed, "When I realized that you didn't hate me anymore, that you stilled loved me after all the shit I put you through… I found such hope, I had a reason to keep on living… even though it would have been so much easier to just… give up…"

"What do you mean?" Tobi asked, "Why would you not keep on living?"

"To save you the trouble of having to deal with me," Deidara said dejectedly, "If I was gone… the drama of your life would evanesce—"

"Shut up," Tobi said sharply, "I'd rather go to hell and back and be with you for eternity, than go one day knowing I wouldn't have you in my life…"

"Tobi I…" Deidara felt his head spinning, "I need to lay down…" Tobi didn't protest, and he led Deidara to his room, where Deidara promptly crashed onto the bed.

About an hour or so—though Deidara still had no true grasp on reality so the time was debatable—Deidara woke up, and, to his surprise, Tobi was lying next to him, fast asleep with his arm around Deidara. Deidara felt content to just lay, and so he did. However, after a while, he became somewhat restless. Deidara wriggled out of Tobi's arms, and, careful not to wake him, he walked into the living room. Bored and feeling sudden energy, Deidara began to sing.

"**_Leave the coffin open when I go_**

**_ Leave my pearls and lipstick on so everybody knows_**

**_ Pretty will be the photograph I leave_**

**_ Laying down on famous knives so everybody sees_**

Deidara now began to sing in earnest, letting all of his torn and twisted emotions pour out into the words.

**_"Bleach out all the dark_**

**_ I'll swallow each peroxide shot_**

**_ Someone I know could love and save me from myself_**

**_ Maybe I'll just clean the shit off of these fancy shoes_**

**_ I'll be a Princess Die and die with you"_**

Deidara fell to the floor, his hands on his knees, and tears streamed down his face. _I have fucked up so much… everything… and he still loves me. What the fuck did I do to deserve him…_

**_"I wish that I was strong_**

**_ I wish that I was wrong_**

**_ I wish that I could cope_**

**_ But I took pills and left a note"_**

"Oh Tobi," Deidara sobbed, his tears slowing but not stopping, "How did I ever find such a great boyfriend… I don't deserve you, and, yet, you keep coming back for me…"

"Maybe it's because I love you," Tobi said, his voice causing Deidara to jump, "and, I suppose this means we are officially back together?"

"Yes," Deidara said, his tears falling once more, though this time in joy, "I love you, Tobi, and I don't want anything to every happen like this between us again."

"It won't," Tobi smiled, "We are done with both of them. Oh, and I have something for you… something of a surprise…"

"Tell me," Deidara said excitedly.

"I don't know…" Tobi smirked mischievously, "I'm not sure if you've earned it…" Deidara pounced on Tobi and tackled him to the floor, his legs straddling Tobi's groin.

"Okay seriously," Tobi laughed, "Have you ever considered playing football?" Deidara laughed, but quickly snapped himself out of his distraction.

"Enough stalling," Deidara grinned wickedly, "or should I force you to tell me."

"And how would you do that—" Tobi's words froze and shattered into pieces as Deidara slid back and his free hand slipped onto Tobi's zipper.

"Like this," Deidara laughed, "Unless of course… you want me to stop? You're right… it was a pathetic attempt." Deidara started to get up, but Tobi, taking advantage of this, tackled him to the ground, pinning him and pressing himself into him.

"Fine," Tobi cursed, "I will tell you…" Deidara waited, eyes wide with anticipation.

"Well," Deidara urged.

"I got us… tickets…" Tobi began.

"To what?" Deidara laughed; his heart racing.

"A concert…" Tobi said nonchalantly.

Deidara's heart began to beat out of control. He liked about a dozen bands with every fiber of his being; Tobi had gotten him tickets to one of them no doubt. "What concert…" Deidara said, trying to mask his excitement.

"I'll tell you if you catch me," Tobi said suddenly, pushing off of Deidara and running to his bedroom.

_Dammit. _Deidara took off after him, and, by the time he reached the bedroom, Tobi was in nothing but his white under-armor, which were partly see-through, and he held two tickets in his hand.

"Come and get them," Tobi winked. Deidara slowly walked forward; he needed a diversion.

"How did you get undressed so fast?" Deidara asked quietly, swallowing hard as he noticed Tobi's muscles shifting beneath his skin like coiling snakes.

"When time is of the essence, you learn to make do." Tobi winked. Deidara looked slightly past Tobi's head, as if he were gazing at the wall behind him, and Tobi quickly turned his head; the whole motion taking less than a moment. However, a moment was all the Deidara needed. He lunged forward, snatched the tickets out of Tobi's hand, and quickly scanned them with his eyes.

Deidara didn't even flinch as Tobi picked him up and threw him on the bed. Deidara curled up next to Tobi, whose powerful body was like a rock for him to lean on, and slowly grasped the full reality of what he had seen.

There had only been two bold words on the entire ticket, but those words were all he needed to see.

Deidara leaped onto Tobi's lap and began to kiss him passionately. Tobi placed on hand behind Deidara's head and steadied himself with the other.

The two words were branded into Deidara's mind; more permanent and enduring than any writing could ever be, and those two words echoed in his mind, resonating throughout his entire being.

_Lady GaGa…_

* * *

**A/N: Okay, if there was any confusion in the last chapter, I understand that this blasted thing doesn't space them properly, which kind of ruins the effect, but, the dreams were usually lacking physical conversation between Tobi and Deidara or some wild thing happened in them. This Chapter is very short, more of a filler, buuttt... :D Tobi and Deidara are BACK TOGETHER. Forget Taylor swift and her infuriating yet catchy song. Okayyy :)**

**I want to shout out to Redskiez :) I love you dude... if you are indeed a dude... lol xD, and thank you for sticking with this story. I apologize for infuriating you, but, the story had mainly been small heart-breaks, and questionable rifts forming. I wanted a definitive tear to form in TobixDeidara, but, that is gone, for a while at least, and they will be together FOREVER! **

**Oh, a little hint. There will be some TobixDeidara... Some serious TobixDeidara ;) I know how long you have all awaited this, and it will happen... but wheeeeennnnnn? ;)**

**Okay my Little Monsters (LaDyGaGa Is My LoVe ;P) I hope you all enjoy this update. Consider it a mending between the two. I know it is short, but I really wanted to update today. R&R, and I love you all. Oh, and if the quote under my FF name isn't cited, It is my orginal poetry :) unless I forgot to cite them... which is unlike me... Anyway, some poetry will be below. :) I love each and every one of you in your own disgusting ways ;) Kidding... Seriously...**

**SoleixDeidara333 *heart dammit***

**My bones have long since failed me**

**And I am afraid I will give in**

**For soon I will no longer be free**

**And this war I cannot win**

**So I shall try to save the soul**

**I shall try to see it through**

**But when life is as black as coal**

**I wonder if I have lost you?**

**For I am only one**

**Against the crowd of all**

**And my heart is already gone**

**So now I must fall**

**And as I die before you **

**I will not shed a tear**

**For there is nothing I could ever do**

**And I have nothing to fear...**


	20. Lady Marmalade

Lady Marmalade

Deidara nestled himself deeper into Tobi's embrace, and Tobi fidgeted in his sleep; a puff of Tobi's warm breath sending a chill through Deidara as Tobi's arms tightened around him.

_How could I ever betray Tobi…? He is just so… perfect… I am such an idiot. _Deidara rolled over so that he could look into Tobi's eyes. As Deidara gazed at Tobi's face—whose features were softened by the haze of sleep—Tobi's eyes suddenly flew open, and, in a single motion, he pulled Deidara into him and their lips met.

When their lips parted, Deidara buried his face into Tobi's bare chest, and Tobi's arms pulled him in tighter; Deidara shivering as he felt Tobi's muscles flexing beneath his skin.

"So," Tobi said suddenly, breaking the tenuous silence that had only been disturbed by Deidara's breathing and Tobi's shifting, "What do you feel like doing today?"

"Honestly," Deidara laughed, "I have no idea. How long until the concert?"

"Ummm…About a month or so," Tobi shrugged, "I had to order them early. But I'm not sure the exact day."

"Okay…" Deidara said thoughtfully, "How about we go dancing or something? Or we can find a good party somewhere? Sound fun?"

"Yeah," Tobi smiled, "But when do you want to go?" Deidara regarded Tobi for a moment.

"Not until later tonight," Deidara said, "I want to go all out to get ready for tonight. It will probably take me a few hours." Tobi gaped at him.

"That long?" Tobi whistled slowly, "What are you going to do. Straighten your hair down the micrometer?" Deidara laughed, and Tobi broke out into a smile.

"No," Deidara smiled, "I figured, since this will be more like a reunion date for us, I wanted to ensure that I am the most beautiful person in the club. So, I will need some time for what I have planned."

"Alright," Tobi smiled groggily, giving Deidara a quick kiss, "just make sure you are ready for some serious intensity. If you look as amazing as you say you will, I won't hold back." With that, Tobi winked and rolled over, drifting back off to sleep in seconds.

Deidara got up and walked to the bathroom, firing up his straightener and placing all of his makeup on the counter. _What exactly am I going to do…?_

However, although Deidara wasn't sure how he wanted to look, he knew exactly what he was going to do. While he thought about exactly how he was going to do it, he took out three jars of Manic Panic and began to give himself strands of purple, black, and silver. After waiting an hour, Deidara washed them out, and admiring how startlingly dramatic the effect was, he allowed a small smile to play across his lips.

_I know exactly what I am going to do… Christina Aguilera's makeup was… beautiful in her Lady Marmalade video, and her hair was too. The hair would take forever without a weave, so I will just tease the shit out of it. The makeup can be blue, violet, black, and purple hues instead of pink—curse that color. But what will I wear…?_

Deidara had nothing in polyester; the fabric was usually too bright and colorful for his taste. So, he quickly took one of his skin-tight black and purple shirts with lacing in an X pattern on the sides and cut it at the bottom in a V pattern so that his hips showed through the fabric. Quickly slipping on a pair of _short_ black jean shorts, Deidara admired his reflection. The clothes hugged his body perfectly and—at least in his own opinion—he already looked amazing.

"Not bad," Deidara smiled to himself. Sighing softly, Deidara glanced at his makeup sprawled across the bathroom counter. After a moment's hesitation, Deidara decided he would put his makeup on before he did his hair.

Deidara quickly spread concealer across his face so that his skin was a smooth, pale sheen. With a practiced flare, Deidara quickly applied his eyeliner heavily on his top and bottom lid. Coating over it with liquid liner, Deidara reached for his mascara and quickly brushed his eyelashes until they shimmered. After applying a coat of purple mascara to give his eyelashes a luminous glow, Deidara picked up his deep, purple gel eye shadow and applied it to his top eyelids, giving his eyelids an unreal florescent look.

Smiling at his reflection as it gradually became more and more beautiful, Deidara picked up his purple eye shadow and quickly spread the powder above his eyelids, underneath the arch of his eyebrow, and above his cheekbones.

_Almost perfect._ After quickly fishing through the section of his makeup kit where he kept his Halloween supplies, Deidara picked out his eyelash glue, small black plastic jewels, and a pair of fake incandescent, black eyelashes with purple tips.

Deidara stuck on the lashes with a practiced hand, and, he began to work on the final part of his task.

Deidara stuck the black jewels around his eyes, and, he put a few on his eyelashes. The overall effect was startling. Deidara could hardly recognize himself in the mirror, and his hair wasn't even done. It was as if someone incredibly beautiful met his gaze and mimicked his movements. Deidara thought about asking Tobi how he looked for a heartbeat, but, with monumental restraint, he decided it would be better to wait until he was completely ready.

His straightener, now heated up, was ready to be used. Deidara ran it through his hair and it was smooth and sleek. Grabbing his comb, Deidara began the laborious task of teasing his hair until it was _big. _Quickly crimping a few locks of hair in random places, Deidara smiled to himself.

His long hair, streaked with black, purple, and silver, perfectly accentuated his makeup and his clothes hugged his body in just the right way. Lacing up his converse, Deidara decided he was ready. Looking at his phone, he realized he had been in the bathroom for three hours.

"Wow…" Deidara mumbled to himself, "All this to go clubbing. Oh well."

Deidara walked outside to the living room. He saw Tobi sitting on the couch, his back turned to Deidara. _Okay… Let me see how much I can surprise him…_

"Hey Tobi," Deidara said, "Can you come tell me how I look?"

"No problem," Tobi said without looking back. Tobi stood up and turned around, and, as his eyes met Deidara, his mouth dropped open.

"Umm…. Wow," Tobi breathed deeply, "I know I normally don't like a lot of makeup on you but this… this is incredible… Are you from the Moulin Rouge or something?"

"That's the idea," Deidara laughed.

"Well… you look beyond beautiful," Tobi breathed. Tobi's hands slid down to cover his crotch.

"I'm gonna… go to my bedroom and get ready." Tobi said awkwardly. As he began to walk past Deidara, his eyes were glued to Deidara's body. However, Deidara stepped in his way.

"Not so fast," Deidara said, tapping his fingertips on Tobi's chest, "I want you to look your best too. Sooo… Would you mind wearing something that really shows off your… body?"

Tobi smiled, "Not at all." Suddenly, Tobi lunged for Deidara and, both hands on Deidara's thighs, Tobi pulled Deidara up to his eye level. Tobi leaned in close, and Deidara shivered.

"You do know," Tobi whispered; his breath hot against Deidara's ear, "That I am not going to restrain myself this whole night. You look _way_ too hot for me, or anyone for that matter, to ignore." Deidara regarded him with a blank stare, but he saw the passionate fire lighting up deep within Tobi's eyes.

"Let's see how good you look," Deidara laughed, "And then we will see where tonight goes."

Tobi smirked before disappearing into his bedroom. Deidara sighed and sat down on the couch. _Clubbing… in this… this is going to be an interesting night. _Sighing, Deidara stood up and walked over to the I-Dock. He plugged his IPod in and selected _Lady Marmalade._

_**"Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to the Moulin Rouge…"**_

**_"Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister._**

**_ "He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge, Strutting her stuff on the street."_**

**_"She said hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go, oh."_**

Deidara sang at the top of his lungs, letting the music fill him. He knew he had a pretty good voice, but he would never overcome his fear and sing in public. He danced as he sang, letting go of all his past troubles and fully losing himself in the moment.

**_ "Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth. _**

**_color of cafe au lait alright."_**

**_ Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried,_**

**_ More-more-more"_**

**_ Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5_**

**_ Sleepin' the grey flannel life"_**

**_But when he turns off to sleep memories creep,_**

**_More-more-more_**

**_Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (da daeaea yea)_**

**_ Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (ooh)_**

**_ Mocha Choca lata ya ya (yea)_**

**_ Creole lady Marmalade_**

**_Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir)_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi (all my sistas yea)_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir)_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi (C'Mon! uh)"_**

_**Christina (Oh Leaeaeaeaea Oh)**_

****Deidara opened his eyes and saw Tobi standing in the doorway off his bedroom; wearing a low cut V-neck and a pair of black jeans that hugged _everything _perfectly. Deidara felt his mouth drop open and he stopped singing; the song the only thing filling the stunned silence.

"What do you think?" Tobi asked.

"Ummm…" Deidara managed to stutter, "You look… _hot…"_

"Now you know how I felt," Tobi winked, walking over to Deidara and embracing him. Deidara smiled, but he felt a sudden, unexpected sorrow come over him… _He forgave me so quickly… Why?_

"Tobi," Deidara said suddenly.

"What is it Deidara?" Tobi asked.

"Why… Why did you just forgive me…" Deidara cried.

"Well… I—"

"No!" Deidara cried; the only thing keeping him from shedding tears is the thought of his makeup smearing, "Even if you love me, how could you just forgive me for what I did… I…" Deidara's words trailed off and he buried his face in Tobi's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Deidara said, embarrassed, "I lost myself for a moment."

Tobi regarded him solemnly. Finally, Deidara broke the silence with a song.

**_"Is it just you and me in the wreckage of the world?_**

**_That must be so confusing for a little girl_**

**_And I know you're going to need me here with you_**

**_But I'm losing myself and I'm afraid you're going to lose me, too_**

**_This Love keeps me alive_**

**_But it's making me crazy! _**

**_And I need to save you_**

**_But who's going to save me_**

**_Please forgive me for whatever I do_**

**_When I don't remember you…"_**

Deidara stopped singing, and Tobi looked at him, tears welling in his eyes.

"I guess I keep coming back for you…" Tobi began, "…because I really do love you; no matter what happens between us, know that I will always love you more than anything in this world. I love you Deidara, and, as long as you love me back, I will never give up on you…"

Deidara looked up at Tobi and smiled. "Thank you…" Deidara sighed, "…Let's go to the club…" Tobi picked Deidara up and carried him to his car; Deidara buckled up, and they sped off toward the club.

Pounding Dubstep blared in Deidara's ears, and, as he had expected, most of the eyes in the club were on, not only himself, but Tobi as well. Deidara felt as if they were on individual being when they danced together, their movements seamless and perfectly in-tune with each other.

The Dubstep faded, and Deidara heard the beginning of a song start up. It took him only a moment to realize what it was. However, the D.J. came over the microphone.

_"_Seeing as we have someone who is practically from the Moulin Rouge themselves," the D.J. laughed, "I think this song is only appropriate. Ladies and Gentlemen, _Lady Marmalade._"

**_"Where's all mah soul sistas_**

**_ Lemme hear ya'll flow sistas_**

**_ Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista_**

**_ Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, go sista_**

**_ He met Marmalade down IN old Moulin Rouge_**

**_ Struttin' her stuff on the street_**

**_ She said, "Hello, hey Jo, you wanna give it a go?" Oh! uh huh_**

**_ Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (Hey hey hey)_**

**_ Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (here)_**

**_ Mocha Chocalata ya ya (oh yea)_**

**_ Creole lady Marmalade_**

**** Deidara and Tobi danced together, and the crowd seemed to part wherever they moved. It was exhilarating.

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi_**

**_He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up_**

**_ Boy drank all that Magnolia wine_**

**_ On her black satin sheets is where he started to freak_**

**_ yeah_**

**_ Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (da-da-da)_**

**_ Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (here ohooh yea yeah)_**

**_ Mocha Choca lata ya ya (yea)_**

**_ Creole lady Marmalade_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir, what what what)_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi_**

****Deidara knew that all eyes were on Tobi and himself as they danced to the song. However, Deidara didn't care in the slightest; no one in the world existed in this moment except for Tobi and himself…

**_One more time C'mon now_**

**_ Marmalade... Lady Marmalade... Marmalade..._**

**_ hey Hey Hey!_**

**_ Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth_**

**_ color of cafe au lait alright_**

**_ Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried,_**

**_ More-more-more_**

**_ Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5_**

**_ Sleepin' the grey flannel life_**

**_ But when he turns off to sleep memories creep,_**

**_ More-more-more_**

**_ Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (da daeaea yea)_**

**_ Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (ooh)_**

**_ Mocha Choca lata ya ya (yea)_**

**_ Creole lady Marmalade_**

**** The intensity of their dancing seemed to reach its peak, and Deidara felt truly alive; his adrenaline compelling him in such a way that he felt inhuman as he moved across the dance floor.

**_Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir)_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi (all my sistas yea)_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir)_**

**_ Voulez vous coucher avec moi (C'Mon! uh)_**

**_ Christina...(oh Leaeaa Oh)_**

**_ Pink... (Lady Marmalade)_**

**_ Lil' Kim...(hey Hey! uh uh uh uh...)_**

**_ Mya...(Oh Oh oooo)_**

**_ Rockwilder baby...(baby)_**

**_ Moulin Rouge... (0h)_**

**_ Misdemeanor here..._**

**_ Creole Lady Marmalade Yes-ah..._**

As the song ended, the glamour seemed to fade as well, and Deidara found himself suddenly thrown back into reality.

"Well that was fun," Tobi laughed, "I will be right back. I am going to go get us something to drink." Tobi walked away, and Deidara was left alone; the atmosphere of the club suddenly crushing in around him. Suddenly, at that moment, Deidara wanted to do nothing more than go home. He couldn't place his finger on it, but something felt… _wrong, _about this place.

Deidara started after Tobi, but, suddenly, hands grabbed him from behind. He tried to cry out, but one hand covered his mouth. Deidara felt himself being dragged backwards, but, lashing out with a quick elbow, her felt his arm connected with someone's face and the grip slackened. Deidara took off toward the bar where he saw Tobi talking to the bartender.

Fortunately, Deidara reached the bar, and, as he came to a stop next to Tobi, he whirled around to face his assailant. He barely glimpsed it, but he saw Kakashi disappear into the crowd.

Deidara felt his heart skip a beat. The club seemed to spin, and Deidara fell into Tobi, who caught him in his arms. The last thing Deidara remembered was Tobi's concerned face looking over him.

* * *

**A/N: Update. Done... Tired... Bored... Enjoy... :)**

**SoleixDeidara3**

**This Magic keeps me alive, **

**but it's making me crazy**

**And I know you need me to save you**

**But who's going to save me...**

**Marceline, the Vampire Queen :)**


	21. The Scarlet Tears

The Scarlet Tears

Deidara felt Tobi's arms around him. He was vaguely aware of his surroundings, but, even in his groggy state, he knew that they were on the Cliffside where so many of their memories had blossomed. The world was softened, everything a hazy blur, but Deidara didn't mind. He welcomed the fuzziness that his mind dwelled in—the normal clarity of his mind masked by the fog.

"Tobi," Deidara said quietly.

"What?" Tobi responded.

"Am I still hot?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah," Tobi chuckled, "You are."

"Good…" Deidara smiled as he leaned his head in Tobi's lap. Tobi looked down into his eyes, worry laced in his expression.

"What's wrong…?" Deidara asked weakly.

"Back at the club…" Tobi began, "What happened? Why did you pass out? And, please, tell me the real reason. I need to know what happened."

"Kakashi was there," Deidara sighed, "I don't know where he came from, but he was there, and he grabbed me… and I was so afraid… I'm sorry Tobi. It seems I just keep ruining everything."

"Shut up," Tobi warned, "right now. You are _perfect._ Everything has conspired against you: Kisame, Itachi, Kakashi, but you and I are still here, and I still love you as much as I always have. Nothing, and I mean _nothing, _will ever change that."

"Tobi," Deidara sighed, "How about we salvage what is left of this pathetic attempt of a night and just go to your place and watch a movie?"

"Deidara," Tobi said with a smile, "You are far too dressed up just to sit at home. How about we go see a movie in theaters? I will buy you popcorn."

_Popcorn… Okay… This movie is happening. _"Okay," Deidara said, brightening up, "A movie it is."

"One extra-large popcorn please." Tobi said as he handed a crisp 5 dollar bill to the fat, sweaty guy behind the counter. Deidara couldn't make himself look directly at his face; the guy's face was pocked with acne and other atrocities.

"Tobi, get the popcorn and lets go," Deidara whispered, "I don't like the way this guy looks."

"What's wrong with him?" Tobi asked, puzzled.

"He's _uglyyyyyyyyy,"_ Deidara laughed.

"Maybe so, but it's not like it's his fault." Tobi smiled.

"I guess," Deidara smiled back, "I can't really judge him without knowing him… but, you have to admit, he is quite… repulsive."

"You only think that because you only ever look at yourself in the mirror," Tobi said with a wink, "Which, by the way, is a pretty good way let your gaze drift."

Deidara smiled and turned to hide a blush. Somehow, Tobi always managed to make him feel so happy, and Deidara relished in it.

Tobi grabbed the popcorn and, after Deidara drenched it in butter, they quickly strode toward the hallway that led to the movies. The movie they had finally decided to see was The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey—which, for some reason, Tobi was extremely in to.

"Well," Deidara said awkwardly, "I had no idea you were so into the Lord of the Rings…" Tobi gazed at him in shock, his face a mask of surprise.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Tobi exclaimed.

"No… it's cool and all."

"It _is _very cool," Tobi said with dignity, "What isn't to like about this movie?"

"Well…" Deidara shrugged, "Considering Bellatrix Lestrange could take on everyone in the Lord of the Rings by herself… I would say there is your problem right there."

"What are you getting at?" Tobi said.

"The wizards in the Lord of the Rings are pathetic… I mean, In the Return of the King, all Gandalf did was shine a light at some Fell Beast, and that is supposed to be magic? Bellatrix could destroy all of these fools…"

"All right," Tobi conceded quietly, "I will admit Bellatrix is awesome… but, other than that, Lord of the Rings beats Harry Potter by a long shot…"

"I can't agree," Deidara smiled, "But, since I love you, I shall allow you to keep your opinion."

"Stalemate then?" Tobi asked.

"Yeah," Deidara smiled, "Let's not fight. I love you too much to get mad at you.

Deidara and Tobi picked a spot in the middle just a little closer to the top—while it is awful to have a seat too far away, up close is practically torture. Deidara chuckled as he realized that he and Tobi were the only ones in the theater.

"Oh well," Deidara smiled, "It's good to be alone." Tobi glanced at him, his face a mask of surprise.

"Well," Tobi smiled, "That is good indeed." Tobi wrapped his arm around Deidara and pulled him in closer. Deidara smiled, welcoming the warmth that seemed to percolate from Tobi; the presence of Tobi alone seeming to ward off the chill of the empty theater.

Deidara turned his gaze to the opening credits, bored with every aspect of them. They were always just screening through dozens of non-relative images until the movie actually started.

Finally, after ten minutes of perpetual boredom, The Hobbit began, and Deidara sat up, barely noticing that Tobi wrapped his hand in his. Deidara was an avid movie lover, and, although he talked quite often during movies—well if they were a good enough movie—he absorbed every moment of a movie when watching it.

Suddenly, after about 15 minutes into the movie, Tobi nudged Deidara shoulder, Deidara flicked his gaze away from the screen for a heartbeat, but Tobi's eyes were too far away to see. With a groan, Deidara rotated his body so that he faced Tobi directly. In one swift motion, Tobi pulled him in for a kiss.

Deidara's eyes opened wide in shock, but he didn't fight Tobi—he learned a long time ago that it was futile when it came to resisting Tobi. Once he had a thought in his head, there was no point in getting in his way.

The movie theater seemed to become silent, and Deidara finally felt as if they were alone. He got up out of his seat and sat on Tobi's lap, who only pulled him closer as he did this. Deidara felt _Tobi_ beneath him, but he didn't mind; in fact, for what seemed like the first time ever, he fully welcomed _all _of Tobi's presence to envelop him.

However, as he sat there, his lips on Tobi's, Deidara suddenly felt an icy chill pass over him. He reluctantly broke the kiss and looked around. At first, Deidara could see nothing; the theater looked the same. However, as his eyes scanned the shadows that the dim illumination provided from the movie screen could not drive back; he realized he saw a figure standing in the corner one red eye glowing like a dull ember deep within the shadows.

"Tobi…" Deidara said, panic rising in his voice, "We need to get out of here… please… _He's_ here…"

Tobi's eyes were instantly filled with fiery hatred; any and all softness provided by the romantic kiss that had shared driven away in a heartbeat.

"Where." Tobi whispered, and Deidara gestured to the corner, "I will—"

"_We_ will leave," Deidara whispered urgently, "I don't want you to mess with him…"

"Why?" Tobi hissed, "He is fucking stalking you, and you just want to sit back and do nothing? He is here, and I am here with you. Let's set this asshole straight."

Before Deidara could protest, Tobi was on his feet and striding toward Kakashi.

"What the hell is your problem?" Tobi shouted, his voice seeming to resonate in the theater.

"Problem," Kakashi chuckled, "I don't have a problem yet… I just want Deidara to remember who he stills loves…"

"I don't love you," Deidara hissed, somehow finding the courage to speak up, "I never did… I thought you would be someone who I could actually love… but you proved me wrong that night… Let me set things straight: no matter what you think, no matter what twisted fantasies are spiraling through that dark, warped thing you call a mind, I despise you and all that you are. Now leave me alone!"

"I'm sorry; Deidara," Kakashi laughed, "but I can't just do that now, can I? You love me and you _want _me, whether you realize it or not. Damn, if only Tobi didn't come between us… Things wouldn't be this complicated… Oh well, I can help you out with that.

Deidara didn't realize what Kakashi meant at first. If he did, the he would have been on his feet, leaping across the theater towards Kakashi. However, he didn't, and, in the time it took him to realize what Kakashi meant, Kakashi had unsheathed a knife and stabbed Tobi.

"No…" Deidara said; his throat dry and scratchy; his mind not grasping the reality of what happened. However, as Tobi crumpled to the ground, his hands clutching his stomach, Deidara felt his sorrow and hatred rise up from within him.

He charged Kakashi, and, his adrenaline rushing through him, he didn't even notice Kakashi slashing his body with the blade. In one swift motion, Deidara picked up Kakashi and slammed his head against the wall; gritting his teeth as the pain from the wounds Kakashi's knife had inflicted finally set in.

Kakashi's eyes fluttered shut, and he slumped to the ground. Deidara rushed to Tobi, tears spilling from his eyes.

"Tobi," Deidara whispered, "You have to be okay… Please… Look at me…"

Tobi's eyes fluttered open weakly; his irises glazed over. Deidara cupped his cheek in his hand, and Tobi's eyes focused on Deidara's face.

"Deidara…" Tobi said weakly, "You are bleeding… really bad… you need… to get to… a hospital…"

"Tobi," Deidara chuckled weakly, "Kakashi gutted you pretty good… your wounds are probably worse than mine…"

"Yeah," Tobi smiled faintly, "Looks like were in this together this time… I guess I will see you at the hospital…"

"Yeah," Deidara smiled. He pulled up Tobi's face, and their lips met; the blackness that was slowly overtaking Deidara's vision seeming to be driven back. His pain seemed to evanesce, and Deidara felt his worries melt away. _Everything… will be okay…_

They were still kissing when a policeman burst in—undoubtedly called in by an usher, and, as Deidara's vision faded to black completely, the last image in his mind was of Tobi's face, softened by sleep looking vulnerable, and Deidara felt himself smile…

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I'm sorry if I don't put linebreakers in to seperate transitions... even though I think I did this time... Anyway... A new computer -_- they could not save my other one... :( Poor thing. Okay, I shall try to update with more fervor now... This story is almost at an end :( sadness I know... But I will probably write a sequel... if you my lovely readers would stick with me... sorry for this short chapter :P Alright, I also seem to have lost my early files on this website? I suppose their expiration date had arrived :( Oh well. I still have my story ;P Okay. R&R I love you all... dramatic twist yes ;P Enjoy. Oh !Redskiez... 3 thank you for sticking with me... I know you are somewhat... impartial to me ;) but I write with you in mind, so please... feel better :D... Peace, Love, and Bulletproof Marshmellows**

**SoleixDeidara**

**Close enough to start a war**

**All that I have, is on the floor**

**God only knows what we're fighting for**

**All that I say, you always say more...**

**~Adele Turning Tables~**


	22. Missing

Missing

The world was dark, but, normally, Deidara really didn't mind. He was used to the world being numb and distant; in fact, he welcomed the twisted clarity that was given to him by the darkness. He was alone with his thoughts and the world was far away. But, for some reason, Deidara longed to break free of the darkness. He knew that if he stayed within the depths of this eternity of blackness, something would be missing. However, try as he might, Deidara couldn't figure out what was missing. There was a soft pulsing, as if the entire world was moving to his heartbeat. Deidara noticed it was very slow… so… calming…

Deidara tried to call out; any recognition from someone, anyone, would be fine. He just needed to know that he wasn't lost forever… But he didn't have the strength to speak. He sighed, closing his eyes, which didn't really matter seeing as there was no change due to the action.

_What is missing… _The past was meaningless—Deidara couldn't remember it anyway. The future was uncertain, as it always had been. But, for the first time in his life, the present was a mystery to him. He had no idea what he was happening.

A soft music filled his ears… resonating deep within his mind, but Deidara could only hear the words; he had no idea where they were coming from…

**_"This is new_**

**_Feels unused_**

**_I've never met anyone like you_**

**_Frightening_**

**_ Feeling naked_**

**_ Sense in searching something sacred_**

**_I'll forget you not_**

**_ I'll forget you not_**

**_ I'll forget you not_**

**_ I'll wait for you... maybe_**

**_Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go?_**

**_ Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go?_**

**_Go? Where did you go? Where did you go?_**

**_ Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go?"_**

****Deidara felt tired. The words only reminded him of something urgent… something he was missing. He decided to completely shut down—maybe if he did, the intensity branded into his mind would soften… just enough to be bearable. However, as he slowly slipped into total blackness, he thought he felt the subtle pulse of the world intensify. The once-steady beat was becoming rapid and urgent. _Why can't it just stop…? Why can't I just be alone with my thoughts…?_

Deidara tried harder, his head spinning with effort. The long forgotten steady pulse was now almost a solid note; the high pitched scream refusing him the sweet nothingness that the blackness offered to him…

Deidara vaguely caught words hanging in the void of his peripheral consciousness, but they were choppy and short…

"Patient… losing… adrenaline…"

"Doctor… what's… going wrong… I…"

"Explain later… nurse…"

"Here…"

The voices made Deidara laugh. What was so urgent? There was no rush. _Doctor?_ That word was very familiar to Deidara; he had a feeling he and that word had a strong connection…

Deidara felt a dull pain shoot through his arm, and warmth began to spread through his veins… Deidara smiled softly… closing his eyes…

Suddenly, his eyes shot open, spectrums of colors racing across his vision. The gentle warmth morphed into a searing heat, and Deidara felt as if every cell in his body had burst into flames. However, even worse than the blazing magma that now flowed through his veins was the intense pain in his stomach; black spots danced across his vision, but the burning kept forcing him back into alertness. The spectrum of radiant colors suddenly shattered and was replaced by a blurry image. Deidara saw people standing in a white room, machines on his left and right, and, most startling of all, Deidara saw some guy with blue tinged skin and a woman that reminded him vaguely of his mother…

"Mom?" Deidara breathed his voice anything but audible. The figure reacted nonetheless, waving her arms and gripping the bluish guy in an embrace that probably could have crushed a mountain. Deidara closed his eyes again, suddenly tired, but, despite the fading of the fire in his body, his mind still possessed razor clarity…

Deidara's eyes swiveled around the room, and, taking notice of a black garment in the woman's arms, he smiled…

_That looks just like Tobi's hoodie… Tobi…_

Deidara felt all the energy leave his body; his lungs felt as if he hadn't breathed in centuries. The razor clarity in his mind spread out to the world, and he saw everything as it was for the first time. Kisame, the Doctor, a nurse, his mom, Sasori, Temari, Shikamaru, Konan, Nagato, Haku, and even Sakura; everyone was in the room with him. Except for Tobi…

The ethereal clarity suddenly vanished, and the world shattered into thousands of shards of mirror glass. And in each and every piece, Deidara saw Tobi's face…

This time when Deidara awoke, everyone was gone except for Kisame. The room was dark and it was obviously night. Deidara's throat burned, his hatred for Kisame rising up, but, in the end it was useless, Deidara didn't have the strength to hate anyone but himself.

"You're awake—" Kisame began.

"Where is Tobi?" Deidara interrupted forcefully.

"Deidara…" Kisame said quietly.

"Where is he…?" Deidara repeated, anger rising in his voice despite his weakened state.

"Tobi's wounds were… more serious than yours," Kisame murmured, "He is currently in the ICU… He needs to be hooked up to life support until they are sure he will be stable. He—"

"I want to see him." Deidara said simply. Kisame shook his head.

"You can't—" Kisame began.

"The fuck with you," Deidara hissed, "If you won't take me, I will find him. Nothing in the fucking world can stop me right now. You really want to get in my way?" Kisame's eyes narrowed and his stature shifted into an aggressive stance.

"Deidara," Kisame growled softly, "I stayed in here to make sure you didn't try something stupid like this. Kakashi punctured a few of your organs and one of your vitals. The last thing you need to be doing is moving."

Deidara leaped from the bed, the world spinning, but that didn't stop him from pushing Kisame with enough force to make him stagger back and slam against the wall. Deidara quickly picked up a pan next to his hospital bed, the contents—some needles, gauze, and numerous other items that held the sharp scent of disinfectant—spilling onto the floor, and he brought it down over Kisame's head. Kisame looked stunned, but he still began to climb to his feet. Deidara hit him again, and again, and again; Kisame's attempts at getting up weaker each time. Finally, Deidara managed to knock him to the floor unconscious, and, his burst of adrenaline brought out by rage, Deidara began to shuffle towards the door. He pushed open the door weakly and began to walk down the empty hallways.

Deidara passed a mirror, and, his eyes lingering in it for a heartbeat, he felt disgust rise within him. He was wearing a hospital shift, light blue paper with some stupid pattern on it. He felt ridiculous, but he had no time to be vain. Tobi was somewhere in the hospital, and Deidara was not stopping until he found him.

As he shuffled past a set of double doors, he heard two voices from inside.

"The patient may awaken soon… should I stay in here doctor?"

"No," a male voice said, "If he does wake up, he won't be moving much. I'm still worried about him… He is in critical condition?"

"Did his family ever show up?"

"No," the male voice replied, "No one has asked for a patient by the name of Tobi… all day." _Tobi… _Deidara felt his heart beat faster.

"Shame. Oh well, we have other patients to check on. Let's leave him to sleep." The double doors shifted, and Deidara threw himself behind a column that was a foot or two from the wall. The two, orderlies by the look of it, strode straight past him, and, when Deidara was sure they were gone, he shuffled toward the doors, his energy picking up.

Sure enough, as Deidara looked up at the small letters engraved on a plaque above the doors, Deidara saw ICU. Deidara half-crawled, half-charged inside, his limbs starting to protest all this excitement.

Tobi was fast asleep, his features softened by slumber in the way that Deidara loved so much. The faint moonlight illuminated his pale skin, making it look practically paper white, and Deidara felt worry rise in his chest. _Kisame had said his wounds were worse than mine…_

Deidara trudged over to Tobi and placed his hand on his face. His skin felt cold, much colder than it should have been, and Deidara realized that the moon wasn't changing his skin color; Tobi's skin really was paper white.

"Tobi…" Deidara said… "Tobi… please… Tobi…"

Tobi's face was a mask of stone. He showed no signs of life; in fact, the only reason Deidara was even aware that Tobi was living was due to the monitor next to him, the green line arcing up and down with the weak pulse.

"Tobi…" Deidara breathed. _Is it just me… or is his pulse getting slower…_

"Tobi…" Deidara said, urgency in his voice now, "Wake up… please…"

Deidara put his arms around Tobi… he didn't know what else to do… tears welling in his eyes… he began to sing softly... changing the words of the song…

"**_You know we can get away_**

**_ Because I'm calling your name_**

**_ Every day I feel this pain_**

**_ But you just turn and walk away_**

**_I will just keep hanging on, to you and me_**

**_ I just don't know what is wrong, with you and me_**

**_Touch me and then turn away_**

**_ And put your hands into the flame_**

**_ Tell me if you feel this pain_**

**_ Cause I don't want to be a ball and chain, nooo_**

**_I will just keep hanging on, to you and me_**

**_ I just don't know what is wrong, with you and me"_**

****Sobbing now, Deidara suddenly realized he was not alone in the room. Kisame stood behind him, but there was no anger in his eyes, which were bruised purple, only sorrow and pity.

"Get out," Deidara said.

"Deidara," Kisame sighed.

"Get the fuck out of here." Deidara screamed, "You have five fucking seconds before I do more than just knock you unconscious…" Deidara noticed Kisame back into the wall where a cord seemed to hang.

"I get that you are hurting," Kisame said slowly, "But you getting yourself injured won't help Tobi."

"Four seconds," Deidara warned.

"Deidara—"

"You better fucking hope I don't get to three…"

"Fine fine…" Kisame sighed, turning to leave. However, as he did, three orderlies burst through the double doors, and, their eyes widening as they saw Deidara, the lunged at him. Deidara tried to break free of their grip, but it was no use; their hands were like iron shackles.

"Thank you for calling us," an orderly said to Kisame. Deidara felt hatred burn in his chest.

"You called them…?" Deidara hissed, "When?"

"Deidara—"

"Why the fuck would you separate me from Tobi?" Deidara said, tears streaming down his face, "Why… why would you…" Deidara glared at him, but Kisame wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Coward…" Deidara sobbed, "Get out… I—" Deidara suddenly felt a sting in his arm and the world began to spin.

"No… fair…" Deidara hissed, but his anger melted away with the drug. He quickly glanced back at Tobi, and he last thing he saw before slipping back into sweet blackness was Tobi's pale, dying face…

* * *

**A/N: :D I'm alive... XD Sorry. Dell was very... uncooperative. They finally just sent me a new computer... and I just got everything activated. If any of you are still with me, thank you :). Also, just so I don't get another barrage of death threats, despite this ruining the story somewhat... Tobi does ****NOT**** die :). Alright. That's all for now. PM me for any story requests also :D I do Naruto and Warcraft :P... R&R got a big chapter coming up for this story :) I love you all... :D Also I purposely changed the lyrics to Ellie's Goulding's Hanging On. Before anyone corrects me, that was INTENDED. The actual lyrics are about leaving xD but I love that song right now. Alright. That is all... for now ;P**

**SoleixDeidara**

**This Ritual I know you feel it...**

**This Ritual and I know you've seen it...**

**This Ritual we lose it all... ~Ellie Goulding~**


	23. Fame Monster

Fame Monster

Betrayal. Hatred. Anger. Regret. Remorse. Unfathomable sorrow. These were just a few things that came to mind when Deidara thought of Kisame. Deidara's body was still drugged, but his mind was wracked with razor clarity; Deidara doubted the doctor's sharpest scalpel would compare to the lucidity in his mind.

_I trusted him… He knew I wanted to do nothing more to find Tobi. Tobi had no one… no one at all… and I was there… and Kisame took me away from him._

Oh yes, the next time Deidara and Kisame came face to face, there would be a reckoning. Deidara cursed himself for the day he had let a sliver of his heart belong to Kisame. _Never again…_

And then Kakashi… Kakashi had come back and ruined everything just when Deidara had started to piece it back together. Even if Tobi recovered, Deidara doubted he would still care for him. What was the point of remaining with someone who just kept bringing you pain… emotional and physical.

"Hello…" Deidara slurred, "Is any…one… there…?" His vision was blurred beyond passable means, but he could sense someone in the room. The response was immediate.

"Deidara!" Konan and Sasori's voices' ringing out at the same time, but it was Sasori who continued to speak, "Deidara… are you okay? Don't try to move. Just talk to us."

"Tobi… is… alone… yes…?" Deidara managed to say despite the thick honey that seemed to coat his tongue.

"No," Konan answered, "Kisame is in there with him. And so your mother." Deidara's anger flared up instantaneously. _Kisame is in there with him… how dare—_

"Kisame wouldn't let him be alone," Konan continued, "He refused to leave the room Tobi was in. They have been talking for a while now…"

_Damn… every time I hate Kisame with every burning cell of my being, he pulls some stupid shit like this… and it becomes impossible._

"So, Kisame is with Tobi?" Deidara said, surprised by the suddenly clarity of his words. His body felt much more alive now that he knew Tobi wasn't alone.

"Yeah," Sasori said simply, "Oh, I managed to get something back from the doctors…" Deidara felt Sasori press something cold and metallic feeling into his hands.

"It's your IPod," Sasori said brilliantly, "I thought you could use some serious music—I even snagged your headphones." Deidara smiled, the metallic feeling plastic buzzing in his hands.

"Can you please put the headphones in my ears?" Deidara asked, cursing silently due to the fact he was reduced to being so helpless he couldn't put ear buds in his ears.

"No problem bro," Sasori said. Deidara cringed. He _hated_ being called bro. It was such a disgusting reference. Even though Sasori was his brother, so it was technically alright, any other person would have been incinerated on the spot… by whatever means necessary. The fact that people would insinuate that, just because they were his friends, that he was alright with them implying that they were somehow connected by the blood that coursed through their veins, was just plain insulting.

"Oh…" Sasori said, realization dawning in his voice as he saw Deidara's face, "Sorry br—Deidara." Deidara smiled sweetly, and Sasori put the ear buds in his ears.

"It's fine. Thank you. I think I want to be alone now… Could you both visit Tobi?"

"No problem," They said simultaneously. Deidara listened to their retreating steps before, sitting up; he managed to focus his blurry vision into a passable form of eyesight in order to pick a song. Music would always serve as his one tether to sanity; the only thing preventing him from permanently spending every waking hour in the hospital.

**_"It's been a long time since I came around _**

**_Been a long time but I'm back in town _**

**_This time I'm not leaving without you_**

**_ You taste like whiskey when you kiss me, oh_**

**_ I'll give anything again to be your baby doll _**

**_This time I'm not leaving without you_**

**_ He said, "Sit back down where you belong _**

**_In the corner of my bar with your high heels on" _**

**_Sit back down on the couch where we _**

**_Made love for first time and you said to me_**

**_ Something, something about this place _**

**_Something 'bout lonely nights and my lipstick on your face _**

**_Something, something about my cool Nebraska guy _**

**_Yeah, something about, baby, you and I"_**

Deidara felt tears welling up in his eyes. This song… it meant a lot to him; more than he would ever let on to anybody for sure. Within these seemingly simply lyrics, raw emotion was nestled, waiting to be taken into the heart of one who was willing to truly listen.

**_"We got a whole lot of money but we still pay rent_**

**_'Cause you can't buy a house in heaven_**

**_There's only three men that I'ma serve my whole life_**

**_It's my daddy and Nebraska and Jesus Christ_**

**_Something, something about the chase, six whole years_**

**_I'm a New York woman, born to run you down_**

**_So have my lipstick all over your face_**

**_Something, something about just knowing when it's right_**

**_So put your drinks up for Nebraska_**

**_For Nebraska, Nebraska, I love you…"_**

****Sighing, Deidara smiled to himself… _Tobi… please be okay…_

**_"It's been a long time since I came around_**

**_Been a long time, but I'm back in town…_**

**_And this time… I'm not leaving without you…"_**

****Deidara switched the song too **Hanging On**, and just let the music drift around in the back of his thoughts. _I need to see Tobi… awake… Nothing will let me rest until that happens._

Standing up, however, was more of an ordeal than Deidara realized. Despite the drugs no longer afflicting his mind and speech, his body was another story all together. His limbs were weighed down by an invisible force, and any attempt was sluggish and pathetic. _If Tobi could see me now…_ This thought, strangely gave Deidara an unexpected fire. The sheer thought of Tobi seeing him looking so broken and defeated filled Deidara's mind. He could practically hear Tobi saying, _"Deidara? Giving up? I'm surprised those two words can be strung together in the same sentence without the world crumbling to ash."_

Deidara decided that this would have to be a slow—painfully slow—endeavor. Rolling over was the easy part; unfortunately, Deidara knew that it would be the only thing easy about the task at hand. Shifting his body a few centimeters, Deidara began to grueling task of getting his arms under his body. After ten minutes according to his IPod's internal clock, although to Deidara it felt like hours upon hours, Deidara was on his elbows. Extending his arms, Deidara managed to push off the bed a few inches. It didn't help that the whole structure was shaking, as if some ancient god decided that a single tremor should afflict a drugged and weakened Deidara to provide a good source of amusement. Deidara began to perspire, and a shiver of horror tapered across his spine. He also _hated _sweating. Yet again, the only thing that kept him going was the thought of Tobi seeing him this low.

"Damn it Deidara," he hissed through grit teeth, "If you can't stand up, how are you supposed to walk to Tobi? Maybe a friendly orderly will let you glimpse him before shooting you up with knock-out drugs."

In a surge of effort, Deidara threw himself off the bed and crashed in a heap on the ground. Deidara cursed under his breath, but, using the ever-reliable wobbling bed as a brace, he managed to force himself to his feet. Deidara blinked his eyes hard, and, in a sudden rush of vertigo and blood rushing to his head, Deidara momentarily flickered out of consciousness. Biting his lip so hard that the iron tang of blood washed over his tongue, Deidara forced himself to remain on his feet. _This is for Tobi… you have to make it… you know where he is… you just have to get there…_ After swaying another moment on his feet, Deidara trudge toward the door of his prison.

Placing both hands against the cool steel of the door's _PUSH _Deidara gave the door the best shove he could with his diminishing strength. However, the door gave way easy, but, Deidara realized, this was due to the fact that Kisame had pulled the door open at that exact moment.

"Ummm… Hi…" Kisame said awkwardly, "I see you still aren't giving up…" Deidara gave Kisame a withering look.

"If you even _try_ to get in my way," Deidara spat, "I will stab you in the groin with a scalpel." Despite Kisame's pastel complexion, Deidara noticed with a smug sense of pride that Kisame paled visibly; his skin becoming a shade of alabaster. Deidara felt a flicker of triumph rise in his heart; the fact that he had gotten to Kisame was a victory in itself.

"No, no," Kisame said as he raised his hands as a truce… or maybe self-defense, "I actually came here to take you to Tobi's room. If that is okay?" Deidara nodded slightly, but, behind his casual expression, his heart nearly exploded with joy. He had doubted he would have been able to make it out of this room, let alone make it to Tobi's.

_At least, this way, I'll be able to get there without being drugged and shut up in here again… _

"On one condition," Kisame said, interrupting his thoughts, "If they call for Tobi to have surgery, you will return here." Deidara clenched his jaw in irritation. _Of course there would be a condition… _

"Whatever you say," Deidara said sweetly, the tone of his voice causing a fear to alight in the shark-black eyes of Kisame. Kisame reached out for Deidara's arm. _No… you don't need his help…_

Deidara pushed him out of the way and started heading towards Tobi's room. Halfway through the hallway, he fell. Kisame caught him with lightning grace, and, supporting him by wrapping an arm around him, Kisame helped Deidara walk to Tobi's room.

"All right…" Kisame said quietly, "We're here. I will leave you alone with him… but I will be standing outside in case they call for surgery."

"Wait…?" Deidara said slowly, "Tobi needs… surgery?" Despite the bright lights in the hallway and the fuzziness in his eyes, Deidara caught the flicker of pity… or was it remorse… flash through Kisame's eyes.

"You better let him tell you. He —"

"Wait. TOBI IS AWAKE!?" Deidara shouted, Kisame hand clamping down over his mouth in seconds. Deidara glared at him but said nothing. "Why didn't you tell me?" Deidara whispered.

"I didn't want you to sprint over here and probably kill yourself in the process." Kisame said. Deidara sighed. _Fighting with Kisame won't get me anywhere._

"Alright," Deidara sighed softly, "Warn me when they are coming." Deidara saw Kisame nod, but he didn't hear what he said as he strode into Tobi's room.

Tobi lay there, pale as ever—if not even more pale—but Deidara couldn't help but smile. His face seemed more alive, softer, vibrant. Even though Tobi seemed weak and broken, he somehow managed to maintain a visage of otherworldly beauty. _I wonder how shitty I look. _Deidara banished the thought from his mind as soon as it had entered. _You should be thinking about Tobi… not yourself. _Deidara walked up and placed hand on Tobi's face, and, as he stood there cradling Tobi's cheek, Tobi's eyes shot open; his scarlet irises coming to meet Deidara's ice-blue eyes.

"Deidara…" Tobi said weakly, confusion thick in his words, "What are you…?"

"TOBI," Deidara exclaimed, instantly pressing his lips onto Tobi's. Their lips parted, and Deidara gazed excitedly into his eyes. "I… I came in here earlier… I don't know when… but you looked so pale… and I thought you were dying…" Tobi laughed harshly, but his eyes remained trained on Deidara's.

"I am dying…" Tobi began, but, noticing Deidara's horrified expression, "But I'm going to be fine. I have to get a surgery to stitch up a few of my arteries. It's nothing major —"

"NOTHING MAJOR!" Deidara shrieked, "IF YOU DIED… DON'T EVEN SAY THOSE WORDS. WHAT WOULD I DO?" Tobi gazed into Deidara's eyes, his expression softening.

"You could move on… You are beautiful enough—" Tobi began, but Deidara cut him off with a kiss.

"Never… say that again…" Deidara whispered into Tobi's ear, not caring about the tears that streamed down his face and dripped onto Tobi's, "I love you… more than you could ever know. And, the worst part it, I had to break your heart to figure that out. Tobi… I don't want anyone else. I have you, and that is all I will ever need. I love you… and you _will _pull through this. I mean it." Tobi regarded him for a moment, new light dawning in his eyes.

"Yeah," Tobi said, brightening up, "I will. You know… did I ever tell you how lucky I am to have you?"

"You could stand to mention it more," Deidara smiled. Deidara gasped as Tobi, with a sudden burst of strength, pulled Deidara up onto his lap. Deidara yelped in surprise, but he didn't fight it. Deidara longed for Tobi's touch. Tobi's fingers traced up Deidara's spine, and, as Deidara straddled Tobi's legs, Tobi let out a small groan of pleasure.

"Deidara," Tobi said as he pulled Deidara down in for a kiss. They sat there, their lips pressed together, and Deidara felt truly alive. It was another one of those moments; moments that happen only a few times in your life—although, for Deidara they seemed to be happening all the time.

"I love you Deidara," Tobi whispered, his breath hot in Deidara's ear. Deidara nuzzled Tobi's neck in response. However, after a moment, Tobi yelped out in pain, and Deidara leaped up off his lap.

"What's wrong?" Deidara asked urgently, the pain in Tobi's eyes splitting his heart.

"Umm…" Tobi chuckled weakly, "You might have put a little too much pressure on me… It's fine… I will…aghh… be fine…" Deidara panicked._ Once again, he's hurt, and it's all because of me… _

"Do I need to call a… _doctor._" The word felt venomous on Deidara's tongue, and he wished nothing more than to spit it out, bury it, and promptly light the remains on fire… twice… just to be sure.

"No… I'm… argh… damn… I don't think this was you… The pain didn't really kick in until after you got off. I felt a… a bit of pain when you sat down on me… too hard, but it got—well is getting—worse now that you are off… I… I'm fine… it's nothing… nothing…"

Tobi passed out, and whatever remained of Deidara's broken heart was reduced to ash.

"Kisame!" Deidara shouted, his words catching as he broke out into sobs, "Come in here… Tobi… He… is… I don't know!" Kisame was in the room in less than a heartbeat, and Deidara knew this because Tobi's monitor was beeping faster…

"What is it?" Kisame asked, his obsidian eyes darting around the room.

"Tobi… he fainted…" Kisame's eyes locked on Tobi's form and they widened is shock.

"I will call a doctor," Kisame said as he smashed his fist into the button to ping a nurse. Deidara sat in the corner of the room, coiled up in a ball, and humming softly to himself, Deidara began to rock back and forth, desperately trying to force the lid over his ever-increasing panic.

A nurse appeared; her slate-grey eyes bland against her fiery red hair. She wore a white shift, and her eyes flickered toward Deidara before settling on Kisame.

"What is wrong?" the nurse said, "the patient is…?" Her voice trailed off as she caught sight of Tobi and his heart monitor.

"Oh… oh dear," The nurse said, a little too calm forced into her words, "I will be right back with a doctor… stay here." Deidara lunged forward and grabbed the nurse's arm.

"What is wrong with him?" Deidara hissed maliciously. The nurse's eyes widened in fear.

"The patient is… alright…" the nurse said shakily, "Umm, who are you again?" Those words sent Deidara over the edge.

"I will be your worst nightmare if you don't tell me what is wrong with Tobi in three seconds." The nurse couldn't conceal her fear anymore. "One… Two… Thr—" Deidara was cut off as Kisame grabbed him fiercely by the arms and, wrapping his arms around Deidara's small form, Kisame pinned Deidara to his body. Deidara thrashed around, but, realizing it was hopeless, he let his body go slack in Kisame's arms.

The nurse hurried out, and, moments later, she returned with a doctor and three orderlies. Deidara had no idea how she had managed to relay the fact that he was an insane psycho to the orderlies in those few seconds, but, judging by the way they eyed him carefully, he had no doubt they did.

The doctor looked over Tobi's unconscious form for a few moments, before, looking up with a grim expression, he turned to the nurse.

"The patient needs to have surgery… now…" the doctor said. The nurse nodded, and two of the three orderlies began to wheel Tobi out of the room; the third blocked Deidara's way to Tobi.

"Please…" Deidara whispered, his voice forlorn and defeated, "Let me go with him…"

The doctor looked at Deidara for a solid minute before shaking his head. "I'm sorry," he sighed, "My associate said you were potentially dangerous, and we don't need to have to worry about that during surgery." Deidara started to reply, but Kisame cut him off.

"Please just let him go with the patient," Kisame pleaded calmly, "That is literally the love of his life." _Thank you Kisame… thank you…_

"I'm sorry," the doctor said, a sudden ferocity in his words, "Medicine may not discriminate, but I don't think what _you_ do is right. You may return to your room, and, when the patient is out of surgery, you may resume you… 'love'."

_He… didn't…_ That was it. Deidara didn't need a god to infuse him with strength. Deidara thrashed again, this time the renewed fervor letting him break free of Kisame's grasp. Deidara shoved the orderly aside and ran toward the doctor.

Kisame caught him before he crashed into the man, but Kisame couldn't stop him from speaking.

"You may not believe what I am is right," Deidara hissed through grit teeth, "But I swear, if you let him die just because you don't think that our love is right, I am sure you will learn that the gates of hell don't 'discriminate' either…" The doctor was stricken and visibly paled.

"Nurse, get the patient to the operating room," he squeaked, "we have a surgery to do."

Deidara smiled, not even faltering as he felt the cool, fuzzy embrace of drugs slip into his body. He had forgotten about the orderly, but it really didn't matter now. He felt Kisame catch him, carry him in his arms back to his room, and deposit him gently on his bed. Kisame slipped Deidara's ear buds in, and Deidara heard the clicking of songs being scrolled through.

"Deidara," Deidara heard Kisame say through slurred senses, "I'm proud of what you did…"

**_"We are the crowd_**

**_ We're co-coming out_**

**_ Got my flash on, it's true _**

**_Need that picture of you_**

**_ It's so magical_**

**_We'd be so fantastical_**

**_Leather and jeans_**

**_Garage glamorous_**

**_Not sure what it means_**

**_But this photo of us_**

**_It don't have a price_**

**_Ready for those flashing lights_**

**_'Cause you know that, baby, I_**

**_I'm your biggest fan_**

**_I'll follow you until you love me_**

**_Papa-paparazzi_**

**_Baby, there's no other superstar_**

**_You know that I'll be_**

**_Papa-paparazzi_**

**_Promise I'll be kind_**

**_But I won't stop_**

**_Until that boy is mine _**

**_Baby, you'll be famous_**

**_Chase you down until you love me_**

**_Papa-paparazzi"_**

* * *

**A/N: Update :D... sooner than expected :3 I'm getting back into this story. Sorry if my writing style changes xD I'm having sort of a descriptive phase :P eh idk what to call it. Oh, I am also having a lady Gaga phase... Otherwise I wouldn't have put a song in the end of it... xD sorry. Anyway, Rate and Review and tell me what you think :) Also, I am well aware there has been NO resolution with Kakashi xD... give me time xD**

**OH! Shout out. DragonFire44: I read EVERY REVIEW YOU WRITE:) I love your reviews, they have been extremely helpful. I'm sorry if I don't include all of this stuff, but this is still my first major FF so I wanted to kind of keep it the same. Sadly, there will not be a Tobi POV, at least in this story. In the sequel, or perhaps prequel xD I can write in his POV sometimes. Thank you for sticking with this story :) Your reviews are amazing.**

**SoleixDeidara 33 3 hearts :)**

**I'm your biggest fan,**

**I'll follow you until you love me 3**


	24. Paparazzi

Paparazzi

"I promised I'd be kind… But I won't stop until that boy is mine." Deidara hummed to himself as he stumbled around his room. The last dose of whatever drug the orderlies had given him upon his return to his room had really sent him over the edge.

Kisame paced the room uneasily, much to Deidara's amusement; he enjoyed Kisame being sent out of his usual calm to the utmost.

_Tobi… is in surgery… _ They ugly thought kept resurfacing from the depths of Deidara's consciousness and it angered him. It was bad enough he couldn't see Tobi, but the fact that Tobi was the only thought on his drug-ridden, forced one-track mind was practically unbearable.

"Kisame," Deidara squeaked, giggling as he heard his voice.

"What is it?" Kisame said with a dry but gentle voice laced with concern, "Is everything okay?"

"Yes," Deidara sighed, "I'm fine… is Tobi?" Kisame sighed, rubbing his temples at the recurring question.

"Yes," Kisame laughed, smiling for the first time in a while, "The nurse confirmed that when she ran in here two minutes ago to keep you updated. You know, the entire hospital staff is afraid of you. It's kind of adorable."

"They should be," Deidara hissed with sudden spite, "I would welcome someone to try and separate me from Tobi for long." Kisame laughed, and Deidara found himself staring at him. Kisame wasn't bad; he was good looking, he was funny, and he was sweet… _but he's not Tobi… _

Pushing thoughts away, Deidara focused on the ceiling of his room, which, by all means, was the absolute pinnacle of boredom.

"Uggh…" Deidara groaned, "I. Can't. Take. It. Kisame, please put some form of music on… my ears long to ascend from this mortal prison of heart monitor beeping…"

"Ummmm…. Okay." Kisame laughed. He pulled out his IPod. "Any requests?"

"Yes… umm… some Evanescence would be lovely…." Deidara smiled. Kisame sighed, but he complied.

**_"Catch me as I fall _**

**_Say you're here and it's all over now _**

**_Speaking to the atmosphere _**

**_No one's here and I fall into myself_**

**_ This truth drives me into madness_**

**_I know I can stop the pain_**

**_If I will it all away_**

**_If I will it all away_**

**_Don't turn away_**

**_(Don't give in to the pain)_**

**_Don't try to hide_**

**_(Though they're screaming your name)_**

**_Don't close your eyes_**

**_(God knows what lies behind them)_**

**_Don't turn out the light_**

**_(Never sleep, never die)"_**

****"Ahhh" Deidara smiled, sighing, "There is nothing like Evanescence to drag your depressions from the recesses of your mind and obliterate them, know what I mean Kisame?"

"Ummm…" Kisame laughed, "Yeah totally. This isn't depressing at all…"

"Sshhh!" Deidara hissed. "This is my favorite part." Kisame rolled his eyes, but Deidara ignored him.

**_"Fallen angels at my feet_**

**_Whispered voices at my ear_**

**_Death before my eyes_**

**_Lying next to me, I fear_**

**_She beckons me, shall I give in?_**

**_Upon my end shall it begin_**

**_Forsaking all I've fallen for_**

**_I rise to meet the end"_**

Deidara sighed in content as the operatic vocals of Amy Lee filled his ears. "Okay… Deidara said as he looked toward Kisame who, for some reason, no longer looked out of his element.

"Umm, Deidara," Kisame said, brightening up, "Can I please play a song?"

"Sure," Deidara nodded, steeling himself for country or Death Core…

To Deidara's utmost surprise, as he nearly fell off his increasingly rickety bed, the Aria from The Fifth Element started playing.

"Wait…a…minute…" Deidara said slowly, "You like… opera?" Kisame blushed and, his face flushed with embarrassment, he awkwardly ran his hand through his hair.

"Yeah… I do…" Kisame said. He sat down and sighed. "Don't tell _anyone_. It's kind of my guilty pleasure…" Deidara smiled. _Once again… impossible to hate…_

"I won't." Deidara smiled. Deidara leaned back and closed his eyes, listening to the song. He smiled to himself as the upbeat techno opera segment of the song started playing.

After it ended, Deidara sat up quietly, his starch sheets rustling as he did, and Kisame regarded him silently.

"You're not going to get up again are you?" Kisame said flatly. Deidara smirked.

"Maybe…" Deidara laughed, "Are you going to stop me?"

"You're still drugged up," Kisame laughed, "If you try to get out, I will stop you." Despite the humor in Kisame's voice, Deidara heard the threat laced beneath the words.

"Fine…" Deidara began, his muscles coiling in his body. However, as he was ready to lunge out of the room, he saw the realization blossom in Kisame's eyes, and, cursing under his breath, Deidara relaxed.

"Deidara," Kisame said frostily, his voice devoid of all emotion other than hostility. "You are not thinking at all about your own well-being. You can't keep running yourself around like this; you _will _seriously hurt yourself. If you won't do it for me, do it for Tobi. How would he feel if he's recovered, and you are injured, or worse, dying?"

"Shut up Kisame," Deidara sighed as he rolled his eyes. "You don't know me. My pain is nothing—"

"How the fuck do you expect to be happy when you keep making things worse for you and Tobi—" Deidara saw the regret in Kisame's eyes as soon as the words left his mouth, but, at that moment, Deidara could care less about what Kisame's feelings.

"Oh. I'm sorry," Deidara said icily, venom practically dripping from his lips, "It's _my_ fault that you convinced me Tobi was cheating on me, my fault that you 'cared' about me and wanted to be there for me, my fault that you talked me into having… ughh. Get out dude. Seriously, get the fuck out. I don't want to see you right now."

"Deidara, I'm—"

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT! HOW FUCKING CLEAR DO I HAVE TO BE? YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF MY STRUGGLES, NO IDEA OF WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH PERSONALLY… I… JUST GO!"

Kisame opened his mouth to respond, but, with a silent motion, he stood up and left the room.

Deidara sighed and leaned back against his bed, exhausted by the outburst. Regret festered in him, but Deidara ignored it. _How dare he… he…_

Too weak to get up, Deidara lay back down and closed his eyes.

_Deidara tried to reply, but the darkness had entered his lungs, and he found himself unable to breathe—any and all words choked off by the infinite blackness. _

_"Deidara…?" Tobi said, concern lacing his words. "I… I… Are you okay…? I don't know what to do. I…. I'm sorry." Deidara couldn't see, but he felt Tobi's arms pull him up, and, as he felt Tobi's lips press into his the infinite dark shattered and the world blossomed into such vibrant color—the icy clarity sending Deidara's head spinning—that Deidara felt himself almost overtaken by the sensations. _

_ Deidara's eyes flew open, and he found himself gazing into Tobi's crimson irises. Tobi's eyes widen in surprise, and Deidara laughed weakly. _

_ "Tobi…" Deidara began, but Tobi silenced him with a kiss. Deidara press himself into the kiss, Tobi's arms wrapping around his small and weak frame, and Deidara's arms bracing himself against Tobi's chest. _

_ "Deidara," Tobi said as he broke the kiss, "What happened…? How did you wake up…?" _

_ "You, Tobi," Deidara laughed, "When I realized that you didn't hate me anymore, that you stilled loved me after all the shit I put you through… I found such hope, I had a reason to keep on living… even though it would have been so much easier to just… give up…"_

_ "What do you mean?" Tobi asked, "Why would you not keep on living?"_

_ "To save you the trouble of having to deal with me," Deidara said dejectedly, "If I was gone… the drama of your life would evanesce—"_

_ "Shut up," Tobi said sharply, "I'd rather go to hell and back and be with you for eternity, than go one day knowing I wouldn't have you in my life…"_

_ "Tobi I…" Deidara felt his head spinning, "I need to lay down…" Tobi didn't protest, and he led Deidara to his room, where Deidara promptly crashed onto the bed._

Deidara sat up with a start, a cold sweat dripping down his face. _How… long was I out?_

A short, _very short,_ old man was shuffling around Deidara's room. He wore the lab-coat looking slip of a doctor, and he was absentmindedly looking at information on a clipboard.

"Umm?" Deidara said, the haze of sleep coating his words like thick syrup, making them slurred, "Who are you?"

"I'm Dr. Onoki," The old man said, "I am here to ensure you are comfortable. I also wanted to tell you your friend is doing beautifully in the surgery." Deidara felt his heart rise up into his skull. Ignoring Onoki's other words, Deidara leaped up and started for the door.

However, much to his irritation, Onoki blocked his path. Sighing, Deidara prepared to push the tiny man out of the way, but as his hands moved to push him, Onoki gripped his wrists with such force that Deidara gasped in shock.

_"As I was saying," _Onoki said flatly, "Tobi pulled through the surgery."

"Ah, so that doctor listened to me after all?" Deidara laughed.

"Ha! He isn't the surgeon," Onoki laughed, "I am. He is merely a supporting surgeon. I happen to have no problem with homosexuals. I think it is merely nature, and, besides, nature doesn't discriminate. So what right would I have?"

"Thank you," Deidara said, his thoughts suddenly distant. Deidara's eyes flickered nervously around the room. "Can I… see him?"

"Of course," Onoki smiled, "Follow me please." Onoki left the room in a blur of white, and Deidara took off after him. Following Onoki, it seemed, was not as easy as he thought it would be. It was very hard to keep track of his tiny form weaving in and out of the hospital rabble.

Suddenly, as Deidara felt he was about to faint from exertion, Onoki stopped in the middle of the hallway. Deidara stopped abruptly to avoid crashing into him, and, catching himself on the wall, Deidara waited until Onoki turned around.

"Well," Onoki said, "Here we are. I will leave you to your reunion. Buzz if you need a nurse, and tell them to come get me." Deidara nodded and went inside.

Tobi slept peacefully in the bed, his face calm and once again full of color… a big difference from paper white. His eyes were closed, and his face softened by sleep. His black hair was longer, Deidara noted. _I guess I never noticed before…_ Deidara went up and, pulling up a chair, Deidara rested his head on Tobi's chest, the hard muscles above his beating heart feeling welcoming.

Deidara lay there, listening to Tobi's steady heartbeat, which, to him, was the most beautiful sound he had heard in his entire life. Deidara turned his head to look at Tobi's face, and, as he did, Tobi's eyelids shot open and Deidara found his ice-blue eyes meeting the gaze of Tobi's vermillion irises.

"Deidara," Tobi said tiredly, "What are you doing here? Did you sneak in again?" Deidara laughed, and then, tears began to stream down his face. Tobi…. You are okay… I… I love you…

The kiss was brief, a mere heartbeat in the temporal stream, but, to Deidara, it was a lifetime of waiting coming to fruition. Their lips parted, but Deidara still felt the warmth from the kiss tingling on his lips.

"Tobi," Deidara whispered. Tobi regarded him with his full attention, and Deidara smiled at Tobi's serious expression.

"What's wrong?" Tobi said, his voice laced with concern.

"Nothing," Deidara laughed. "For once, there is nothing wrong…"

"I suppose there isn't," Tobi grinned.

"Tobi."

"Yes?"

"Let's this the hell out of here."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the relative shortness of this update. I have been busy -_- :( But I am not forgetting this story :) I will keep working on it :0 R&R and thank you for sticking with me. **

**Redskiez and DragonFire44 3 I love you both. Thank you for sticking with me.**

**SoleixDeidara**

**"I need mmmmore... To Feed My Pop Heart**

**Give Me More**

**I WantThe Future, Gaga, Fashion, Digital Technology , Dance, New York, Music, Pop Culture**

**I Want... The Fame**

**I Can Hear YouCan You Hear Me**

**?Revolution Is Coming**

**And I Want... What We Want**

**You Deserve... The Future" ~Lady GaGa**


	25. Bad Romance

Bad Romance

The sunlight was particularly harsh as it pierced the blackness of Deidara's slumber—not that it wasn't always harsh; it just seemed even more so today. Deidara grunted, rolling over on his side, and he jumped as his face came into contact with skin. However, sighing with relief as he realized it was Tobi, Deidara nestled himself deeper into Tobi's sleeping form. Tobi fidgeted slightly, however, as Deidara looked up at his face, Tobi's eyes cracked open, Tobi smiled, and, shutting his eyes, Tobi wrapped an arm around Deidara. Deidara sighed softly to himself. _Perfection…_

Deidara managed to get Tobi out of the hospital with some—well a lot—of convincing, and they had both been released after promising to religiously take antibiotics and countless other medicine. Deidara had quickly agreed to this, eager to get out of the hospital once and for all.

Deidara grudgingly got up and went into Tobi's kitchen to take the mountains of pills he was required to force down. After swallowing the bitter medicine he sat at the table… waiting for Tobi to wake up and join him.

Ten minutes passed, and there wasn't the slightest indication of Tobi waking up from his deep sleep. _Well… his injuries were worse than mine, and this is the first real sleep he has gotten… I suppose it's not his fault. _

Bored, Deidara settled on writing a little poetry to pass the time. Grabbing a pen and a clean, crisp sheet of paper, Deidara sat back down at the table and began to write.

_ Unlife_

_Overhead a flickering light, the bulb is burning out._

_Empty words hang in the air, teeming with my doubt; _

_My listless gaze drifts from your face, searching for your soul, _

_But all I see is evil now; a heart as black as coal._

_My dreams to fly, my dreams to soar, were they all in vain?_

_You tore me down, bound me in chains; you brought me so much pain._

_Lying down, here on the floor, my blood feels warm against my skin. _

_I taste your fear here in the air; I try to drink it in._

_These scars on my skin, these thin red lines, mosaic of my blood. _

_With each slice, with every cut, was I closer to your love?_

_With each shallow breath, each ragged gasp, I spill more life onto the floor. _

_Every time in blink my eyes, I drift so far away—so much farther from the shore.. _

_My heart beats ever so slowly; a mere whisper to my ears, _

_And the room seems to be flooding, perhaps drowning in my tears. _

_Piles of soil rest in the corner, could they be from my grave?_

_A tarnished shovel against the wall; was it me you hoped to save?_

_A ragged laugh escapes my lip, amusement at your vain attempt;_

_The wild look in your eyes startles me slightly—your features so unkempt._

_These stitches that trace my body, how long have they been here?_

_I feel death watching me closely now; I know that my end is near._

_The dark angels are so close; their icy breath plumes down my spine. _

_And in this slurred reality, I am running out of time._

_Could this insanity be my salvation, a blessing in disguise?_

_Can I finally pierce through the veil; this shroud of hate and lies._

_Lying here on the ground, I cannot help but wonder; _

_Do your imperfections have a story, every flaw left asunder?_

_These doubts that race through my mind, the shades of my twisted imagination;_

_Bring me such sick joy, perhaps I orchestrated this demise, this mortality is my creation._

_My gaze drifts back to you; your panting now, what is it you fear?_

_If it is death, show no concern, for you are safe and sound my dear._

_Then pain, interrupts my thoughts, as if I received a bullet to the head—_

_I struggle to gather the remnants of this reverie, this sweet and pleasurable dread. _

_More blood trickles from my mouth, flowing like a scarlet stream._

_My body pulses gently, as if to rouse me from a dream. _

_If only it were such, merely a dream, an illusion of the mind; _

_However, my life still slips away, my agony making me blind. _

_Such tragedy, this bittersweet grief, could I be under your spell?_

_Have you beguiled me blind, am I lost in the nightmarish hell?_

_More crimson races across my eyes, obscuring this ethereal vision._

_This darkness in my soul has tainted me, shown me these dark worlds I envision_

_Poison trickles through my veins; my blood has begun to run black,_

_Venom dripping from my lips, a kiss of malevolence is what I gave back._

_You have tried to keep me down for so long, but I still love you so._

_And in your eyes I see this longing, pleading me not to go._

_I am finally going under; I am fallen, there is no light left._

_You lean so tantalizingly close to me, and I want to pull you from your cleft._

_But my strength has long since failed me, just as yours has to you,_

_And this final tear in our bond, no amount of hope can ever undo._

_The crows are beckoning to me now; the ghosts, they have begun to call_

_And this haunting dream of you and I; it was always meant to fall._

_Now as I drift away, you slink to your knees; the world you built up is crumbling._

_But I will always ask what could have been, I will always be wondering…_

Deidara sat back with a sigh; the poem had taken a lot out of him. _A little tribute to Kisame… I suppose… _

Sighing, Deidara stood up and, running his fingers through his hair—which was slightly greasy—_I really need to shower—_he began to brew a pot of coffee; the heavy scent of coffee grinds percolating into the once clean air. The smell seemed to coat Deidara's tongue—he didn't even really like coffee, but he was tired so it didn't really make a difference. Collapsing heavily in a chair, Deidara waited for the coffee. _Wow… I really am tired… that must have taken more energy than I thought._

The coffee maker made pinged, and Deidara, forcing his legs which currently felt like lead to move, walked over and quickly filled up a cup. He quickly drained the bitter liquid from the cup, and, shuffling to the bathroom, prepared to take a shower.

Quickly throwing his stale clothes off, Deidara hopped into the shower; cringing as the short burst of frigid water drenched him and his entire body was wracked with sudden shivering.

However, after a few moments of freezing torture, the water warmed up, and, sighing heavily, Deidara enjoyed the feeling of the water washing away the built up dirt that hospital disinfectant couldn't remove.

"It feels… great… to finally just be here… home," Deidara laughed to himself, "I had almost forgotten what a shower had felt like…" _How long was I in the hospital? I don't even remember… a few weeks I suppose… _

"How long was I in the hospital anyway…?"

"Probably as long as I was…" Tobi's laughing voice came from behind Deidara as hands covered his face. Deidara jumped in surprise, but, the hands on his face moving to his thin waist, Deidara's jump was cut short as the hands forced him back down.

Whirling on his heels, Deidara found himself facing a smug—though his eyes were still laden with exhaustion—Tobi.

"Tobi… why are you in here?" Deidara said through grit teeth, trying his best to prevent himself from freaking out. Quickly glancing down, Deidara saw, to both his relief and disappointment, that Tobi was wearing white boxer-briefs—although Deidara could see everything as the water soaked the boxers through. Deidara felt his face grow hot.

"You know," Tobi smiled, "your hair looks really pretty when it's let down. You should wear it like this more often." Tobi whirled Deidara around so that his back faced him, and Deidara felt Tobi pulled him close… _very _close.

"You didn't answer my question," Deidara said, trying to throw himself out of Tobi's grasp as Tobi ran his tongue on his neck.

"I woke up and you weren't in my bed… so, after a little exploring in the kitchen, I came here to investigate the shower, which was currently running… and, to my surprise, I found you here." Tobi smirked; his jet-black hair covering half his face, and Deidara felt his body go limp… _Well… that did me in…_

"What…?" Tobi laughed, "You're not even going to fight me? Now that's not the Deidara I know."

"I'm. Tired. Leave. Me. Alone." Deidara moaned as he let his body go completely limp. However, much to Deidara's surprise, Tobi held him up.

"Well, this is no good is it?" Tobi laughed, "I guess I will have to liven you up." Before Deidara could question what exactly it was Tobi meant by "liven you up" Deidara felt Tobi's lips press into his. He didn't try to fight the kiss—there was no point in that—so he just let Tobi take over.

Tobi pressed Deidara up against the cool tiled walls of the shower, inhaling sharply as Tobi pressed his body into his.

"Tobi…" Deidara whispered, "Please… no…" To Deidara's surprise, Tobi stopped.

"I'm sorry; this is a little far…" Tobi let go of Deidara, putting his hands on his face. "Why do I ruin everything?" And, as Deidara blinked his eyes, Tobi was gone. Sighing, Deidara got out of the shower, slipping on his short boxer briefs and his shirt, and took off after Tobi.

Deidara found him lying on the bed; a pillow covering his face and his legs spread, somewhat, apart. Deidara swallowed as his throat suddenly felt dry. At this angle, Deidara had a perfect view of Tobi, and it didn't help that his boxers were still see-through.

Feeling a sudden urge of confidence—or was it passion?—Deidara leaped on top of Tobi; his legs straddling Tobi's groin. Tobi looked up, and, his eyes widening in surprise as he saw Deidara, he gazed into Deidara's eyes.

"I thought—"

"—I'm just not ready…" Deidara sighed, "But that doesn't mean we can't have _fun." _Deidara felt Tobi beneath him, but he didn't make any indication—although it was hard not to notice with Tobi pressing against him like that.

Tobi made a sudden thrust upwards with his hips causing Deidara to fall forward; his hands coming to rest on both sides of Tobi's head. Deidara hissed, although there was not threat in the noise, as he saw Tobi smirk.

"You always get what you—" Using one hand, Tobi pulled Deidara in by the back of his head for a kiss. Deidara felt the tension in his stomach build and build and build, until, in a single heartbeat of intense emotion, the tension flipped inside out and turned into something more real… more beautiful… more passionate.

"—Shut up," Tobi whispered as their lips parted; tiny strands of saliva strung across the space between their lips like little harp strings.

Suddenly, in a movement so swift the world seemed to blur, Tobi had flipped Deidara onto his stomach, and, Deidara shivered as Tobi lay on top of him. Deidara couldn't cry out—he was too shocked. _This… this isn't like Tobi… am I dreaming…?_

However, Deidara knew, with a grudging certainty, that he was not dreaming. This felt too real. Besides, it wasn't that he was not happy, things just felt like they were moving too quickly.

However, as Tobi thrust his hips again, Deidara felt his fear morph into ecstasy. In moments, Tobi had Deidara against the headboard facing the wall while he positioned himself behind Deidara; his groin pressing into Deidara.

Deidara didn't feel violated or helpless—they both still had some clothing on—but there was such intense intimacy between himself and Tobi that he felt himself longing for more. _No… just let Tobi have his fun…_

Tobi continued to grind on Deidara, and, although Deidara didn't mind, he began to worry as his desire to take things further increased.

"Deidara," Tobi panted as he thrust again, "I want more…" Deidara started to reply, but suddenly, Tobi got off of him. Sighing in relief, Deidara turned around.

He watched silently, open-mouthed, as Tobi took of his boxers, and Deidara was left staring at Tobi. Normally, he didn't mind; in fact, he loved seeing Tobi naked… but… this time… there was something primordial—something feral—in the way Tobi carried himself. Finally, with a sudden clairvoyance overtaking his thoughts, Deidara finally pinpointed what it was that was different about Tobi.

He wanted more…

* * *

**A/N: Let me start by saying this is not my best work... at all -_- but I've been so busy, and I am trying to scrap together an update, but this one was sort of a "grit your teeth and finish it so you can move on" chapter. The highlight is the poem I wrote xD which is pretty much what drained my freaking creativity, but, I promised an update, and here it is :) Please R&R and I should have the next one up in a few days... hopefully. I would write more, but, as I said drained -_-... **

** Redskiez... jerk :P I still love you, no matter the un-mutuality of it. You were, have, and hopefully will be a loyal reader of this story... I mean, hey, you stuck with me even though I royally pissed you off... xD so... I love you :) now leave another stinging review about how you have no love for me :) I like the scars. **

** DragonFire44: I love your reviews 3 you always offer me numerous great ways to improve the story, and, although it may not always seem like it, I consider all of your ideas; some I have merely yet to implement. Thank you for being so great.**

**SoleixDeidara *fucking heart***

**~What doesn't kill you leaves a scar~ Marilyn Manson.**


	26. Yoü and I

**Yoü and I**

The purest crimson, perhaps, that Deidara had ever seen. It was as if infinite life-blood—sanguine life; claret fresh from the veins—had been poured into those eyes… Deidara saw the tracery of veins in Tobi's eyes; the flames that burned in those scarlet irises. There was a wild light in Tobi's pupils… and it made Deidara afraid… Tobi stood there, his pale skin a light cream color in the sunlight, his muscles rippling underneath his skin, his face flawless and beautiful; in fact, Tobi was a vision of what true beauty was… except for the eyes. They set Deidara off; he didn't like the look that they held—the cold gaze of a predator cornering helpless prey.

_Tobi is the predator, and I, the prey… _Deidara shivered, despite the warmth from the sunlight in the room.

"T-T-Tobi…" Deidara breathed.

"Deidara." Tobi replied immediately. "You don't understand… I've… I've wanted you for so long, and, frankly, I don't know if I can wait anymore…"

"You have too…" Deidara said weakly.

"Oh, like you waited for me with Kisame?" Tobi said icily.

It was cold—a low blow—but Deidara wasn't about to let that shake his standing on the matter.

"Tobi…" Deidara sighed. A blink—no not even, more like a shift in reality—passed and Tobi was kneeling in front of Deidara on the bed. Both on their knees, Tobi was about inches taller than Deidara, and Deidara felt his confidence waver. Grabbing him by the waist, Tobi pulled Deidara close enough so that their bodies pressed together.

_He wouldn't… surely… he wouldn't… _Tobi pulled Deidara up for a kiss, and, resisting the kiss only a little, Deidara's lips met Tobi's. This time, there wasn't the same driving force—there was no passion, only lust—and, as Tobi bit Deidara bottom lip, Deidara felt as if something was horribly wrong.

With a great, sudden surge of will, Deidara broke free of Tobi. He leaped off the bed, and, whirling to face Tobi, his own ice blue eyes met Tobi's crimson irises. _Fire and Ice… how fitting…_

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Deidara hissed. Tobi met his question with an impassive stare. "There isn't even anything romantic about this; it's like you are forcing me to have sex with you!"

"I can't wait, Deidara." Tobi began, but Deidara was not about to listen to anything Tobi was saying right now.

"Well you are going to fucking wait forever if I decide such time is suiting." Deidara said frostily. "Get that through your head—"

"—I can't wait, because I don't want to lose you again…" Tobi said solemnly. "I don't want to wake up one day and find that you don't love me. If we had sex, we would be closer than ever… I wouldn't have to be afraid…"

"Why would I leave you?" Deidara asked. His rage dissipated as quickly as it had come. "Why would you ever think that…?"

"I read your poem… Deidara," Tobi murmured, "It was… beautiful… but, at the same time, I understood the darker symbol behind it. That was intended for Kisame, yes?"

Deidara nodded slowly, discovering his words refused to be willed to life by his speechless tongue.

"You are such an ephemeral creature… I don't want to ever have wonder if you are second guessing your choice to date me… I love you so much… I really do… but that means nothing if you don't feel the same…"

"Tobi…" Deidara sighed, finding the strength to speak, "Writing is simply my means of letting go… I don't love Kisame; I love you. Nothing could change that. Consider it set in stone. But, I don't want to be forced into doing _anything…_ There is no passion, no love in that… I don't want a relationship based off of lust… like I had with Kisame…"

"I thought he loved you…?" Tobi asked quizzically.

"He loved me…" Deidara whispered, his eyes laden with unshed tears, "But I had no love for him… ever. I realize that now. I only ever lusted for him… but, with you, all I feel is love. Whenever I see you, I forget every worry I have. Whenever you hold me, my fears melt away. Whenever I'm with you… nothing else matters… I would spend eternity with you…

"Deidara…" Tobi said… speechless.

"It's been a long time since I came around," Deidara sang softly, smiling.

"It's been a long time, but I'm back in town…" Tobi responded in his deeper voice.

"But this time… I'm not leaving without you…" Deidara finished. He walked forward, jumping on the bed, and embraced Tobi; the fact that Tobi was naked not even hindering the gesture… _I love him… it doesn't matter… for all I care, he could shower with me… as long as we are together… _

Tobi held Deidara, one hand on his waist, the other on his neck, and Deidara leaned forward and kissed Tobi. Tobi abruptly broke the kiss, and, as Deidara looked into his eyes, a smile formed on Tobi's face.

"I say we go get dressed, get Starbucks, and then eat out somewhere… sound good?" Deidara quickly kissed Tobi again.

"That sounds… perfect…" Deidara replied. He leaped off the bed and darted for the bathroom, leaving a puzzled Tobi staring after him. "Just let me get my eyeliner on…"

"One Venti Green Tea Frappuccino," Deidara said. The woman working the register at Starbucks—her slightly lined skin hinting an age of 26—looked up from some notepad with scribbly writing on it and met Deidara's gaze.

She had long black hair, streaks of color—red, green, purple, blue—running through different sections like veins. Her tanned skin was smooth. She was practically free of blemishes, and her eyes were a deep green. _She's not that ugly… no… she actually really pretty…_

"I'm sorry, what?" the woman droned… _Her voice, however, not so much…_

"One Venti Green Tea Frappuccino," Deidara repeated patiently.

"Name?"

"Deidara."

"That sounds nasty…" Tobi said with a sidelong glance at Deidara.

"It's good…" Deidara retorted.

"I doubt that…" Tobi laughed.

"Fine," Deidara sighed, "Try it one time… and if you hate it, you hate it…"

"Ughh… Alright," Tobi sighed. He straightened up and looked at the woman. "One Green Tea—"

"—Venti," Deidara interrupted. Tobi gave him a withering look.

"One _Venti_ Green Tea Frappuccino…" Tobi grumbled.

"Name?"

"Tobi?"

Deidara smiled triumphantly at him. Tobi was wearing a black V-neck, and the short sleeves on the side left his muscles exposed… His hair, as always, was the perfect mess… and his flawless skin served as the perfect setting for those crimson eyes… _Okay… just focus on this chick…_

"Will that be all?" The woman asked, clearly eager to be rid of Deidara and Tobi.

"Yeah," Tobi smiled, "that's it." He walked over to Deidara and leaned in close; his lips brushing his ear. "Go find us a good seat please…" Tobi whispered. Deidara nodded, and he noticed the cashier flash him an extremely dirty look.

_Whatever bitch…_

Deidara walked over to a table with a semi-circle couch next to it. He sat down, and, painfully aware of the cashier's jealous gaze trained on him like a sniper, he forced himself to look down at his phone. He opened Twitter, smiling to himself as he wrote:

_**You have to love jealousy. It keeps things interesting… especially when it's directed at you. #bitchheismine**_

Deidara quickly uploaded it, and, as Tobi came and sat by him, he put his phone in his pocket.

"What's wrong?" Tobi said immediately. _Damn him… he can always tell… well… no point in lying._

"That register bitch is giving me a death glare because she is jealous that you got so close to me." Deidara sighed. Tobi laughed.

"So?" Tobi said simply.

"I—I don't know… I get jealous you know…" Deidara sighed, "Because you are perfect and I'm—"

"More than perfect?" Tobi supplied. Deidara started to correct him, but the look in Tobi's eyes silenced him.

"Yeah…" Deidara smiled… "More than perfect." He leaned forward and kissed Tobi. Tobi pulled him in closer and intensified the kiss.

"I love you," Deidara breathed.

"I love you more," Tobi whispered.

"Deidara… Tobi…" An irritated voice called out.

"I'll be right back." Tobi smiled. Deidara watched Tobi walk up to the counter, grab the drinks, ignore the woman's wink, and head straight back to the table.

"Here is your cup of green… slime…" Tobi sighed. Deidara smiled.

"Take a sip…" Deidara prodded. Tobi looked at him as if he had just asked him to kill his family.

"Do I have to?" Tobi asked.

"Yes. Now." Deidara said firmly.

"Damn you…" Tobi said. He closed his lips around the straw, and, with a feeling of satisfaction, Deidara watched his eyes light up as he drank.

"Well…?" Deidara inquired smugly.

"Fuck you… this is good…" Tobi said begrudgingly. Deidara just smiled. _I won't taunt him with my victory._

"Alright…" Deidara laughed, "I'm sick of society. Let's go back to your house and become recluses… what is that?"

Deidara ignored Tobi's puzzled look. On Tobi's plastic cup, a number was written next to the words C**all me if you want a real relationship ;)**. Deidara hissed in disgust.

_That. Little… TRAMP! _

"What is it?" Tobi asked as he noticed Deidara's sudden burst of anger.

"Your. Cup." Deidara hissed through grit teeth. Tobi looked at his cup, and, as he did, his brow furrowed into a scowl.

"I'll set this straight." He said. He rose to his feet, and, pulling Deidara by the hand, walked over to the register.

"Hey…" Tobi said in an extremely flirtatious voice that made Deidara skin crawl with envy. "You wrote this right?"

The woman looked at the cup and then at Tobi.

"Yes," she said with a smile, "Why… interested…?"

"Of course!" Tobi exclaimed. "Just one thing first." Deidara's nails dug into Tobi's hand, but Tobi ignored him.

"Sure, anything…" She winked. In a quick motion, Tobi dumped the contents of his drink on top of her head. The green tea Frappuccino slowly dripped down her clothes.

"I'm dating _him," _Tobi said gesturing at Deidara, "because I love him more than life itself. Some little tramp who thinks she is hot when, in all actuality, she is just a two-faced bitch trying to separate a wonderful relationship, is worth less than nothing to me. Now, clean yourself up you trashy whore." With that, Tobi grabbed Deidara and kissed him.

Deidara didn't complain; in fact, he went to every length he could to make the kiss more passionate. The woman stared at Tobi in disbelief, and Deidara felt a flash of smug pride run through him. _Damn right…_

"Let's go Deidara," Tobi said as he broke the kiss. Deidara followed him to the car without another word.

"_**Imagine There's No Heaven**_

_**It's Easy If You Try**_

_**No Hell Below Us**_

_**And Only Matthew In The Sky**_

_**Imagine All The People**_

_**Living For Today **_

"Who is singing this?" Tobi interrupted suddenly.

"Lady GaGa…" Deidara said slowly. He had a special connection to her cover of this song from the first time he heard it.

"Ahh… I was wondering why is was so amazing—"

"—Sshhh," Deidara hissed. "Listen to the rest of the song

"_**Imagine There's No Countries**_

_**It Isn't Hard To Do**_

_**Nothing To Kill Or Die For**_

_**And No Religion Too**_

_**Imagine All The People**_

_**Living Life In Peace**_

_**You May Say I'm A Dreamer**_

_**But I'm Not The Only One**_

_**I Hope Someday That You'll Join Us**_

_**And The World Will Live As One**_

_**People Of The Nation**_

_**Are You Listening**_

_**It Isn't Equal If It's Sometimes**_

_**I Want A Real Democracy**_

_**Imagine All The People**_

_**Could Love Equally**_

_**Imagine No Possessions**_

_**I Wonder If You Can**_

_**No Need For Greed Or Hunger**_

_**Just The Brotherhood Of Man**_

_**Imagine All The People**_

_**Sharing In The World**_

_**With Nothing To Hate**_

_**And Nothing To Think**_

_**Just People To Love**_

_**And Friends To Have Drinks**_

_**You May Say I'm A Dreamer**_

_**But I'm Not The Only One**_

_**I Hope Someday That You'll Join Us**_

_**And The World Will Live As One"**_

"Ummm… wow…" Tobi exhaled, "That was fucking beautiful…"

"And to think… we get to see her in… how many weeks?"

"3, I believe…" Tobi replied.

"Well… now what…?" Deidara asked. He was bored. He had already watched every music video of Lady GaGa's a good four or five times, which is no small feat. He sat on the couch with Tobi; his head in Tobi's lap—something hard was pressing at the back of Deidara's neck, but he ignored it.

"Well, I need to shower…" Tobi finally said, "Care to save some water and shower with me?" Deidara rolled his eyes. _He isn't going to give up. _Deidara walked forward, and throwing his arms around the taller man's shoulders, he tip-toed and leaned in close to Tobi's ear.

"Tempting… alright, let's do it… but you will wash my hair…"

"You're serious?" Tobi asked in disbelief as he took a step back. "Like… I was joking, but if you want to—"

"—Ummm, yeah!" Deidara smiled.

"Ummm… okay… this is nice… unexpected, but nice… so freaking amazing" Tobi said to no one in particular. Deidara laughed.

"Wait…" Deidara said as an idea suddenly dawned on him… _This might be my only chance… if he has it. He has too, I've seen it here before._ "Okay… go start the shower. I will be there in a few minutes."

"Alright." Tobi said. Tobi walked away to the bathroom, his puzzled gaze lingering on Deidara for a moment, but Deidara ignored him, and he closed the door.

"Now… where did I put it…? HA! There it is. I knew we still had it." Deidara blew the dust off of Tobi's N64, and, slipping _The Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask _in the empty slot; he booted up the system and started the game.

"Okayyy… I know I had a saved file on here somewhere… **OH!** There it is." Deidara exclaimed, sitting down as he selected the file name _Midna—Ah, My favorite character from any Zelda game—_He opened his save game and started playing.

"Now… I forgot where I was…" Deidara said aloud as he swam around in the aquamarine water. "Okay, I'm in the water with the Zora Mask on… but I had already completed retrieving the eggs and defeating the Aquatic Dungeon… Maybe—"

"You were probably just swimming around for fun." Deidara jumped as Tobi voice came from behind him. Deidara slowly turned around, still on the ground, and he let out a small shriek as he came face to face with Tobi's naked groin…

"Tobi…" Deidara said, but it came out dry and scratchy. _Damn… holy hell… _Deidara cleared his throat and tried again. "Tobi… why are you…?" _Shit… shit… _Deidara grimaced as he felt pressure grow in his groin area.

"You were supposed to be in the shower… with me," Tobi added with a wink. Before Deidara could react, Tobi picked him up, his arm muscles flexing, and, carrying him over his shoulder, walked to the bathroom and set him on the ground.

"You cheated…" Deidara grumbled.

"I did nothing of the sort… now, will you take your clothes off or should I do it for you?" Tobi smiled. "I am pretty good at that after all." Deidara scrambled back on his palms… _No… I can't do that… not right now…_

"What's wrong?" Tobi asked, "I thought you said this was okay."

"It is… just not… right now…" Tobi's eyes widened in realization as he gazed at Deidara.

"Oh." Tobi said with a wink. He stuck his tongue out. "I don't mind… besides, I'll be there as soon as you take off your clothes."

Biting his lip, Deidara slowly slipped off his shirt, and, slowly, he slid off his shorts until he was just in his under-armor boxer-briefs. Tobi let out a small moan.

"Okay… that did me in." Tobi said through grit teeth. "You and me. Shower _now._"

Tobi lunged forward in a blur, and in one swift motion, Deidara found himself in the shower, the warm water soaking his body, and, in a heartbeat, Tobi was behind him; his arms wrapped around Deidara's waist.

"Let's try this again," Tobi whispered passionately in his ear. _Bitch you will wash my hair._

Deidara turned around and faced Tobi. Tobi shot him a quizzical look.

"What?"

"Wash my hair." Deidara said firmly. Tobi rolled his eyes.

"Really?" Tobi sighed, "I have to do that _now?"_ Deidara looked straight into Tobi's scarlet eyes.

"Now." Deidara commanded. Tobi regarded him with a surprised look.

"Alright, I respect your tenacity." Tobi laughed. Tobi grabbed Deidara waist and turned him around. "Okay. I guess I'm washing your hair."

Deidara shivered as Tobi took out his ponytail holder and smoothed Deidara's long, blonde hair down until it was thoroughly soaked. Tobi gently massaged the shampoo into Deidara's hair, and Deidara sighed in content. _This… this is perfect._

After a few seconds of rubbing, Tobi washed the shampoo out of Deidara's hair; the sweet-smelling foam running down his back to the base of his spine before being swept away by the water.

Suddenly, Tobi pulled Deidara close and rested his chin on top of Deidara's head. Deidara's back came in contact with Tobi's rippling muscles; his firm biceps wrapped tight around his waist, and Deidara let out a small gasp as something extremely hard and hot came in contact with his spine.

However, Deidara did not pull away. He just stood there, enjoying the warm water and the Tobi's reassuring presence. One of Tobi's smooth hands broke away from his slender waist and came to rest on his cheek. Everything was perfect… except… there seemed to be a silent sobbing disturbing the moment… and, with a heavy heart and flash of realization, Deidara discovered what it was… _Tobi… is crying…_

"I love you." Deidara said. Deidara didn't turn; he didn't try to break away. He wanted Tobi to know that it would always be like this: perfect. He wanted Tobi to know that he would never run away…

"I love you Deidara…" Tobi said, choking back small sobs…

"Then why are you—"

"—It kills me to imagine that you spent a moment like this with Kisame… I'm sorry. I try my best not to be jealous; I try my best not to care, but it hurts me." Deidara didn't physically react as Tobi buried his face in his hair trying to hide his tears, but, inside, Deidara's heart fractured.

"It's just… I love you. But, no matter what you say, you will always have feelings for Kisame. You—"

"—Tobi, there is nothing between Kisame and I. There never was. I was just trying to feel an emptiness inside…"

"You will always love h—" Deidara silenced him with a kiss. This time, Deidara pressed his lips deep against Tobi's; his tongue snaking inside of Tobi's mouth. Tobi's tongue met with his own, and the two danced around inside one another. However, as Deidara expected, Tobi established his dominance and forced Deidara's tongue back into his own mouth while Tobi's tongue filled the rest of the space.

Tobi pressed into Deidara as their tongues danced, pushing his back against the wall, and Deidara gripped Tobi's shoulder with both of his hands; Tobi's muscles tensing and rippling just beneath his fingertips.

Finally, Deidara, using a surprising amount of force, broke the kiss, leaning back against the shower walls panting.

"I don't love him… at all…" Deidara said in between gasps for air, "I just used Kisame to fill the void when I thought you… cheated on me… That is it. There was nothing else between us, _ever_… and the only thing remains now is the lingering memory of a mistake…"

Tobi's eyes, those depthless scarlet pools, regarded Deidara with a new light for the first time… _He finally believes me…_

"I love you…" Tobi said, tears noticeably streaming down his face despite the torrent of water from the showerhead.

"I love you more… more than you will ever know." Tears streamed down Deidara's face as well wrapped his arms around Tobi. He stood there, Tobi chin on his head, and, even though Tobi was naked, Deidara didn't register. It didn't matter. It just didn't matter anymore. Deidara loved Tobi. _I don't need to be nervous about anything anymore… this is just… perfect…_

"Tobi…" Deidara whispered, his tears flowing off his face and onto Tobi's firm body. Deidara pressed his face against Tobi's chest, and he heard his heart beating… a heart that beat only for him… a heart that belonged to him…

"What is it?" Tobi asked.

Deidara stood on his tip-toes and kissed Tobi, throwing his arms around his neck again. Tobi wrapped his hands around Deidara's waist, his fingertips resting on his soft skin.

"There's something about… baby you and I…"

They stood there kissing… and everything was perfect…

And then Deidara heard the sound of glass shattering…

* * *

**A/N: It's finished! :D This one took me a while. I had it done one week ago, but I deleted half of it and rewrote it. You know, sometimes your writing just doesn't feel like it is any good, so you get rid of it :) I am probably going to update my other story "Lament of the Highborne" before I update this one, but the other story usually takes me less time. This one is getting quite challenging as I have so little time. :) cliffhanger... If you have any suggestions leave them in a review. If you have questions, PM me. I will respond. I promise; I can make time to respond to my readers' any day. **

**SoleixDeidara**

**Because you and I... We were born to die...**


	27. Monster

Monster

_It is a truly terrifying moment, when everything that you believed to be certain—everything you believed to be set in stone—suddenly falls apart before your eyes… I try, I really do, but, there just seems to be nothing that I can do to save myself… I'd like to believe… that everything… everything in the world… will one day be perfect; that, one day… I won't have to worry about anything ever again… But, the more I reflect on this dream, the more I realize how ephemeral and foolish it is. Reality is much too harsh to allow such a thing to ever exist… But… it has to exist; it is all I have… All I want… all I need…_

Deidara inhaled sharply, trying to maintain his composure; after all, he couldn't show any weakness in front of Tobi. He tried his best to convince himself that the sound of shattering glass had merely been in his imagination—that the wind had knocked some carelessly misplaced bottle off of a balcony or window… anything. However, as Deidara stood there silently, Tobi's arms wrapped around him protectively, his ears caught the faint sound of glass being crushed underneath a the foot of a person—a sound all too familiar to him; his mother used to tread on smashed bottles quite frequently in heels.

Deidara knew there was no use trying to hide it. In moments, it would visibly display itself all over face; there was only one chance to maintain his calm: confessing. "Tobi… I'm… I'm scared." Deidara whispered, their bodies still pressed tightly against each other. Deidara buried his face in Tobi's warm chest, trying his best to choke back his sobs. "I… I don't want to seem weak, but… I can't go back to the hospital again… I just can't…"

"You won't have to," Tobi said, and, as he said those words, Deidara saw a fire light up in Tobi's eyes. There was no mistaking it; Tobi had no intention of letting anything happen to him… _But how far will he go…? Would he risk his life… for me? He can't do that…_

"Wait her—" Tobi began placing a hand on Deidara shoulder.

"—No," Deidara hissed, his hand coiling around Tobi's wrist. Tobi looked taken aback by this gesture. "I will not let you go out there alone…"

"I'll be fine…" Tobi began. Deidara kissed him. It was the only thing he could think to do. For, in that kiss, words that he would never be able to speak aloud were given life and wings…

"I. Refuse. To. Lose. You." Deidara said firmly; his voice so dark and serious that, for a moment, Tobi actually regarded him.

"You won't…" Deidara knew a lie when he heard one; he also knew doubt when he heard it. Tobi wasn't convinced that he would be okay, and Deidara knew it.

"I won't let you go alones… you do realize that right?" Tobi regarded Deidara with a look of pure and unmasked rage.

"If you come with me, there is no way that I will know you will be safe… Do you have any idea what that will fucking do to me? Ever since that night with Kakashi, I have been killing myself over and over again, and do you know why? Because you had to save me! I failed you; I completely and utterly failed you. Because of my failure, we both ended up in the hospital. I underestimate you, and yet, at the same time, I am unwilling to risk the chance of overestimating you… What if I can't protect you? What if I fail again? What if you end up dying? Fuck, do you even know what would happen? I would lose it; I would never be the same. YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING. There is no fucking way I am _ever_ taking a chance one your life. And, if I lost you, all because of some stupid mistake I made, I would _never _forgive myself. _EVER_. I am not going to risk losing you… I refuse to take that chance… I… I love you…"

Deidara felt speechless for a moment. The weight of Tobi's words sunk in… _He… I… We… are everything… to each other... And… this is why I will never leave him…_

"I'm sorry, Tobi," Deidara said regretfully, "I will not let you leave me… for, you see, if I were too lose you… it would be all over for me too…" Deidara placed his hand in Tobi's, their fingers interlocking.

"Now, let's go face to world…" Deidara breathed.

* * *

Deidara had quickly put on whatever clothes he could: a shirt and boxer-briefs. Tobi wore no shirt, but he had found a pair of shorts, and, since Deidara's shirt covered his waist for the most part, Tobi had decided to wear the shorts.

"Whatever happens," Deidara whispered, I want you to know I love you."

"Nothing will happen," Tobi assured, "They can cut out my heart for all I care; I would still save you." Deidara was shocked by Tobi's courage. _Where… does he get it from? Certainly not from me… I wish I was this strong._

Deidara crept silently behind Tobi, both of them heading toward the room where the glass had shattered: the living room.

"I don't see anything—" Deidara's words were cut short as a glacial clarity came over him; his words being wrenched from his throat until there was nothing. For, what Deidara saw before him; there were truly no words to describe it.

"No…" The word left his lips and survived in the suddenly icy air for a heartbeat before shattering into a million fragments. In the center of the living room of Tobi's apartment, the one place Deidara felt safe, stood Kakashi.

Suddenly, a sleek whir of silver zoomed past Deidara. Kakashi ducked as Tobi the knife Tobi threw whirled toward him. The knife clanged sharply against the wall, and, his hands held high in the air, Kakashi turned to face Deidara.

"Wait," Kakashi said, his hands held up defensively, "All I want to do is talk…" He ducked as another knife shot toward him."

"GET OUT!" Deidara shrieked, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Deidara hissed. _He doesn't even seem fazed._

In a blur of motion, Tobi shot past Deidara and tackled Kakashi to the ground. Kakashi didn't even seem to fight him. In almost no time, Tobi had Kakashi pinned against the wall, a knife in his free hand.

"Tobi," Deidara murmured, "Please put the knife away… I hate him just as much as you do, but I don't want any more violence…"

"ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY!? THE MOMENT I PUT AWAY THE KNIFE, HE COULD ATTACK YOU… AND I CAN'T RISK THAT!"

"Tobi, please…" Deidara said, on the verge of tears. Despite his hatred for Kakashi, he could never bring himself to cause another person pain; despite his loathing, he didn't want to send Kakashi to the hospital…

"Fine… for you…" Tobi said as he tossed the knife away. Suddenly, Tobi gripped Kakashi fiercely by the front of his shirt.

Although Deidara was across the room, he heard Tobi whisper, "If you try _anything, _anything at all that would give me a reason to question whether or not you might hurt Deidara… It is over for you… understand?"

Deidara heard Kakashi give a muffled reply. Tobi threw Kakashi to the ground and paced back over to Deidara. Deidara shivered. _I can feel Tobi's rage… This is like nothing I have ever felt before… _

Deidara placed his hand lightly on Tobi's shoulder, and Tobi seemed to relax. _Good… maybe he won't do anything stupid…_

"Talk." Tobi said firmly, though a certain softness now clung to his words.

"I wanted to apologize—" Kakashi began.

"—so you break in to our house?" Tobi interjected coldly. Despite the present situation, Deidara's thoughts suddenly drifted elsewhere. _He said our… house… _

Shaking himself from his reverie, Deidara refocused his mind on the situation. "Kakashi… I am not sure if I can forgive you… What you did—what you have done—is, in all reality, unforgiveable." Deidara wished he could stop there, he really did, but there was more that needed to be said.

"Kakashi I… no. How fucking dare you! How could you come here and expect forgiveness?! This is too far… I, I just don't understand. You broke my heart all those months ago… then you stalk me after I was finally reunited with Tobi, and then you stab, not only me, but Tobi… AND THEN YOU HAVE THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO COME HERE AND WANT TO APOLOGIZE. I, I… I… ughhh! You need to leave…"

"Deidara wait," Kakashi called out as he reached an arm out for Deidara. Tobi got there first. Kakashi was sent flying into the wall with a loud thud as Tobi's foot lashed out. Kakashi coughed harshly and specks of blood dripped down his lips. _Tobi kicked him pretty hard… UGH. DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR HIM._

"Deidara…" Kakashi said weakly… "Please… just let me say one thing."

"I am done listening. Leave or I will ask Tobi to finish what he started." Deidara said icily; his words sharp enough to cut flesh. Deidara turned to walk away, Tobi's arm over his shoulder.

"MY DAD HAS CANCER… OKAY… My mom died years ago… she had the same thing… and, I'm so scared of being on my own… it really made me think. What I did to you is unforgiveable… but I just want you to know I've changed."

And Kakashi had done it. He had dropped a bombshell that, no matter how much Deidara had steeled himself—no matter how sturdy the mental dam he had made to block out all emotion from Kakashi's reason for coming—had completely crushed every last shred of hatred Deidara had still withheld.

"No one changes that quickly…" Tobi said frostily.

"Tobi!" Deidara exclaimed, mortified by his sudden heartlessness.

"I don't believe it. Listen to him if you want… I'm fucking done. I'll be in my room." Without another word, Tobi took his arm off Deidara's shoulder and left, slamming the door to his room shut behind him.

_Fuck… now he's pissed. I'll make this quick. _"I'm sorry, Kakashi," Deidara sighed sitting down on the floor next to him, "I really am. I may not be ready to be your friend… but, I think I can forgive you."

Kakashi regarded Deidara solemnly; his heterochromatic eyes holding nothing but sorrow; every aspect of his former bravado broken. _He's like a totally different person…_

"Thank you, Deidara…" Kakashi sighed, closing his eyes. "You know, you opened my eyes, actually. Because of you, for the first time, I can truly see. None of those people were my friends, and ever since that party, I thought of you—"

"Stop." Deidara said firmly. He felt sorry for Kakashi, but he did not love him; there was remorse yes, but there was no love.

"But Deidara, I…" Kakashi leaned in, his eyes closed. _He wants to kiss me… _Deidara scrabbled back on the floor. Kakashi opened his eyes and looked at him with regret.

"You should go…" Deidara said.

"I'm sorry…" Kakashi said, "I'll leave."

Kakashi started to leave but stopped. "I'll pay to fix that window, by the way…"

Deidara watched Kakashi go, and Deidara locked the door behind him.

"^, more drama…" Deidara hissed. His hands were twisting into his hair, and Deidara suppressed the urge to cry as he felt tears burn in his eyes. _Why the fuck did he have to do that! I can't tell Tobi… he would kill him, but I can't keep it a secret…_

Deidara stood up, wiping the tears that had managed to leak through his willpower. _I need to get away from all of this… with Tobi… _Deidara walked to Tobi's room and tentatively knocked on the door.

"Tobi." Deidara sighed, "he is gone."

"Come in," Tobi's muffled reply responded. Deidara pushed open the door quietly, and, as he entered the room, he felt his face burn as he saw Tobi. Tobi lay on his back with a pillow covering his face… naked…

"Why must you do this?" Deidara sighed.

"Do what," Tobi groaned, "be naked in my own house? I'm just trying to cope with all this drama." _You have __**no**__ fucking idea._

"Yeah, I know I put you through a lot," Deidara said brokenly, "but I never asked for any of this to happen." There was a long pause. Finally, Tobi sat up and regarded Deidara with his blood-red eyes.

"I regret nothing, you know." Tobi said solemnly. Deidara laughed, but the sound held no emotion.

"I know," Deidara sighed. "…Tobi."

"Yes?"

"Can you hold me?"

"Of course I can, but why, if you don't mind my asking. Usually, you don't ask me things like this…"

"Because, when you hold me, I can forget the world." Deidara felt a tear trickle down his cheek as Tobi wrapped his arms around him. Deidara dreaded it, but the truth was better left revealed.

"Tobi."

"Yes."

"There is something else."

"What is it?" Deidara inhaled deeply, steeling himself for Tobi's wrath.

"Kakashi tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and told him to leave. I know you are angry, but I don't want to conceal anything from you. I—"

Tobi silenced him with a kiss, and Deidara felt all of his sorrows—each and every single broken emotion—melt away. Tobi's gentle tongue seemed to solidify Deidara's debilitated certainty of the future and push away all of his doubts. Deidara paced his hands against Tobi's bare chest, and Tobi placed one hand on Deidara's cheek and the other on the back of his neck.

"The fact that you told me," Tobi began, breaking the kiss, "means more to me than anything. I love you."

"Tobi, I want to get away from all of this. We never seem to have any fun…"

"Let's go to the beach!" Tobi said suddenly.

"Each, let's go get away?" Deidara asked.

"I'm serious," Tobi laughed, "We can bring Temari, Shikamaru, Konan; everyone! It will be so fun. We never seem to hang out with anyone anymore; like, legit, the hospital has become our hangout."

Deidara laughed. "You know what, that sounds amazing."

"It's a date then?" Tobi asked with a wink.

"It's a date." Deidara smiled.

* * *

"Deidara!" Deidara heard Temari's voice ring out as he stepped out of Tobi's car. He braced himself as Temari tackled him. He hugged her back as the two crashed into the sand. "I missed you! I'm really sorry I couldn't visit you in the hospital, but your mom didn't know me, so she didn't let me in."

"It's okay," Deidara laughed, "I didn't exactly enjoy my time spent in the hospital. I'm glad you didn't have to see me so weak."

"Deidara, you are my friend," Temari sighed. Deidara gazed into her bright emerald eyes and saw remorse. "Why would you think I wouldn't want to see you? It doesn't matter how you look or feel; I care about you."

"Thank you, Temari…" Deidara whispered.

"Deidara, man," Shikamaru laughed, "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to steal Temari form me."

"Nah," Tobi said as he stepped out of the car, "If he did that, I would revenge date you."

"Excellent plan Tobi," Shikamaru conceded, "Though I don't know how that would work out."

"Oh shut up, both of you," Temari sighed as she got to her feet, helping Deidara up with her. "I hugged him."

"Oh yeah Shikamaru," Deidara laughed, "I, the guy who wears more makeup than anyone here, am going to steal your girlfriend."

"Well, you can trash that, because you are mine." Tobi smiled. Deidara shivered as he gazed at Tobi. Tobi had on only a pair of black swim trunks, the rest of his muscled, lithe body completely naked and exposed. His eyes looked as striking as ever. Deidara wore only a pair of short shorts; his thin—curved from previous years of anorexia—waist hugged by the fabric. His long blonde hair, let down from its ponytail for once, framed his pale, unblemished face. His nails were painted a fresh black, and, despite the situation, Deidara still wore eyeliner on his top and bottom lids.

Deidara gazed at Tobi, his black hair blowing in the gentle wind. Tobi suddenly turned, and Deidara quickly jerked his head in the other direction, focusing instead on the ocean. The deep azure waves crashed softly against the shore, and, as they crested, pearly white foam frothed atop the waters like lace before it evanesced back into nothingness.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Tobi said as he wrapped his arms around Deidara's waist. Deidara leaned his back against Tobi's chest.

"It really is, Tobi," Deidara sighed, "It really is."

"And nothing can ruin this…" Tobi laughed.

"Yeah…" Deidara trailed off as he felt a pit of dread rise in his stomach. _Something… isn't right. I don't like this._

Deidara broke away from Tobi and turned back around. He saw Temari, and she was talking to… _KISAME… WHY IS HE HERE!?_

"Tobi," Deidara hissed sweetly, "Why is Kisame here?"

"I invited everyone." Tobi shrugged, "I'm sorry. I didn't think it mattered…"

"It doesn't," Deidara reassured, "I'm sorry. I overreacted. I'm fine, seriously. We can't let this ruin our day."

"Damn right," Tobi smiled, "Now, shall we hit the water?"

"Fuck yes!" Deidara laughed. Although, inside his mind, part of Deidara did _not_ want to "hit the water;" he despised the fact that the water could completely destroy his hair. However, today wasn't about looking perfect, and, for once, Deidara truly didn't have a care.

Deidara shook his head to clear all thoughts, his long, blonde hair swaying in the gentle ocean breeze as he did so. Tobi took off, and Deidara ran after him. Despite Tobi being a lifeguard—his muscles all perfectly fit and his body flawless—Deidara was quite fast, and his light weight helped out. In no time, Deidara had caught up to Tobi. Tackling Tobi from behind, Deidara brought him down into the sand; Tobi's hands catching his body before it crashed into the harder sand soaked by the tides.

Tobi flipped over, and Deidara placed his head on Tobi's bare chest; Tobi's heartbeat filling his ears.

"You know something Tobi." Deidara whispered.

"What?" Tobi asked as he placed a hand on Deidara's cheek.

"I have missed a hell of a lot of work…" The two regarded each other silently for a moment. Finally, Tobi broke the silence with a burst of shoulder-shaking laughter.

"I suppose you have," Tobi managed to choke out as another burst of maniacal laughter brought tears to his eyes.

"But all that doesn't really matter does it?" Deidara smiled as he gazed into Tobi's eyes.

"And why is that?" Tobi responded.

"Because Konan's family owns the mall… and the Hot Topic… I can't really get fired now, can I?"

"Unless you get fired."

"Then I would get fired."

"Unless you didn't get fired."

"Then I wouldn't get fired…"

"Unles—"

"Tobi… shut. Up. Now." Deidara laughed.

"Fine," Tobi pouted, "RACE YOU TO THE WATER!" Before Deidara had time to drink in Tobi's words, Tobi had thrown him off, gotten to his feet, and was sprinting toward the water.

_Dammit… he is such a kid sometimes. Oh well, it is why I love him. Besides… seeing him run… all those muscles moving… his arms pumping… fuck, he's hot… wait… wasn't I supposed to be doing something… oh shit! No way in hell I will let Tobi beat me._

Deidara took off after Tobi, but, his efforts were in vain; Tobi had already reached the water.

"You know," Tobi began, "You could join me anytime now…"

"Fuck you," Deidara sighed as he slowly walked into the water after Tobi, gritting his teeth as the chill of the ocean hit him like a slap to the face.

"What's the matter?" Tobi teased. "Afraid of a little cold?"

"Bitch, I have known feelings so cold the glaciers would freeze over before me…"

"…Well… umm… that was unexpectedly dark…" Tobi half-chuckled. _Now!_ Deidara took this opportunity to lunge forward and tackle Tobi, sending them both beneath the frigid waves.

"Y-Y-You… assh-h-hole…" Tobi chattered as he climbed to his feet.

"Relax." Deidara laughed. "It's not like it is that cold anyway…"

"Says the guy who just said he knows cold beyond plausible thought…" Tobi muttered.

"Whatever. You know I love you. Here, I will warm you up." Deidara said as he threw his arms around Tobi's neck and, tiptoeing, pressed his lips against Tobi. Tobi reacted immediately, thrusting his tongue in between Deidara's lips and, grabbing Deidara by the back of his thighs, he pulled Deidara up and intensified the kiss.

"Tobi…" Deidara managed to whisper between the sparse moments when their lips parted, "Should we really be doing this in front of all these people. I mean, I don't want us to be _that _couple…"

"Fuck. Fine, you are probably right. I suppose we can stop if we _must._ But I won't like it." Tobi grumbled as he slowly took his hands off of Deidara.

"I don't like it either, but… we can't be all weird now, can we?" Deidara smiled.

"Fine…" Tobi began. Suddenly, he leaned in close; his lips brushing Deidara's ear. "But, I am probably fucking you when we get home… don't be surprised…"

"Yeah okay sure I—" _WHAT! WAIT…. WHAT! WHAT DID HE JUST SAY… NO FUCKING WAY… IS HE… SERIOUS?_ The comment caught Deidara completely off guard—chills engulfed his entire body. He inhaled sharply, and Tobi took this time to run his tongue against Deidara's earlobe.

Another torrent of chills wracked Deidara, but there was nothing he could do; Tobi's remark had completely and utterly left him speechless and practically paralyzed.

"What? Surprised? You can't expect me to go on like this forever, can you? Besides, you look _so _sexy in those shorts… and don't pretend you haven't been checking me out.

Deidara suddenly blushed madly. "So… I was… maybe… Ugh! Shut up! You know how hot you are!"

"I suppose I do, but you have no idea how hot you are." Tobi whispered as he placed his hand on Deidara's cheek and quickly kissed him on the lips. Deidara gazed into Tobi's eyes; the pools of infinite crimson holding his gaze without fault. _Maybe… I should… We have been dating for a while now…_

Deidara finally found the will to move. He broke away from Tobi, but his gaze was still locked on those eyes…

"Tobi… it's just—" Tobi cut him off as he pressed a pale finger to his lips.

"Shhh… I know. I don't expect anything from you. All I'm asking is for a chance…

"I don't know." Deidara sighed. Tobi placed an arm around Deidara's shoulders, and Deidara shivered as he felt Tobi's muscles tensing and flexing beneath his pale skin.

_Oh… That is nice… _

"Anyway," Tobi smiled, "let's go back to the others. This water is about to freeze my dick off."

"Tobi!" Deidara gasped in surprise at the vulgarity of Tobi's words. "Don't say things like that…"

"It was a joke, Deidara," Tobi laughed, "Relax."

"Fine… I will let it slide; JUST THIS ONCE!"

"Race you back…" Tobi began, but Deidara was way ahead of him.

_No way in hell you will beat me twice… _

"No fair!" Tobi called after him.

"HAHAHA REVENGE!" Deidara cried out in ecstasy.

* * *

"Truth or Dare?" Kisame asked Temari.

"Dare, DUH!" Temari smiled. Temari sat in Shikamaru's lap; the two sitting in the sand surrounding the fire that Itachi and Tobi had made earlier. Deidara sat in between Tobi's knees; his head resting on Tobi's chest. Itachi sat next to Kisame, their hands intertwined. Konan and Nagato had arrived as a surprise. Konan sat next to Nagato, who was still recovering from the surgery. Every now and again, Konan would flash Nagato a warm smile; the two so happy that they were finally together. Konan had finally dumped Pain, and, ever since Nagato's operation—which Konan had finally convinced him to get through a tearful speech about how all of her friends were in the hospital and she didn't want to lose him too—the two had been inseparable. Haku and Zabuza sat quietly; the two lingering on the fringe of the gathering.

"Kakashi isn't coming here right…?" Deidara whispered, turning his head around to face Tobi. Tobi's face hardened for a moment, but it quickly softened back up.

"No," Tobi said softly but firmly, "he won't be here." _Good._

"I dare you to… make out with Shikamaru for 15 seconds." Kisame said with a wink.

"That's _it?"_ Temari laughed. She quickly turned her head and began to passionately kiss Shikamaru; the sucking sound of their tongues piercing the dull quiet of the crackling fire.

"Gross…" Deidara laughed silently.

"Alright," Temari said as she wiped her lips, "Ummm… Tobi, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare." Tobi said simply.

"I will go easy on you… for now. I dare you to sit on Kisame's lap until someone picks you again." Temari laughed.

"Fuck… fine…" Tobi moaned. Kisame patted his groin as Tobi stood up, and Tobi returned a middle finger as response.

"Okay… Deidara! Truth or Dare?"

"Dare." Deidara said with a grin.

"I dare you to put your head in between Shikamaru's knees… until my next turn." Tobi said wickedly.

Begrudgingly, and, flashing a death glare at Tobi, Deidara trudged over and, after Temari stood up, stuck his head in Shikamaru's groin.

"Okay, not going to lie," Shikamaru laughed, "As awkward as this is, this is pretty sexy…"

"Fuck. You." Deidara said sweetly, his words muffled by Shikamaru's zipper.

"Okay Deidara, your turn… if any of us can hear you." Kisame taunted.

"Kisame, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," the reply was instantaneous.

"I dare you to make out with Tobi, full tongue." Deidara smiled evilly. _Rules are meant to be broken in this game… I WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS!_

Kisame immediately turned Tobi around and the two began to make out fiercely. _Well… that is surprising._

"That was it?" Kisame laughed as he wiped Tobi's saliva off his lips. "I thought this was supposed to be tough?

"Konan," Kisame said before Deidara could retort. "Truth or Dare…?"

"Truth." Konan said, ignoring the chorus of groans that arose. "What? I don't want to belittle myself.

"Fine… I knew you used to love Deidara. Tell me why." Konan cleared her throat, and Deidara felt his face burn. _Fuck you Kisame… fuck you so hard…_

"Deidara," Konan began, "Is quite an incredible person. Easy to like, easier to love, but impossible to forget; I suppose, I loved him, not just for his mega sexy body, but also for his personality—his soul. Deidara is probably the most amazing person any of you will ever meet, and Tobi could vouch for me; once you fall in love with him, there is no falling out of it. Now, I am the happiest girl in the world; not only do I have Nagato, but I also have Deidara as a best friend. Deidara; the phrase one of a kind pales before him… He is simply who he is: the perfect person and beautiful, artistic soul. That is why."

Deidara was speechless.

"Thank you…" Deidara murmured, momentarily forgetting where his mouth was. The entire group burst out in a chorus of uncontrollable laughter.

"Dammit…" Deidara sighed, "Forget you all…"

"Anyway," Konan said, "Tobi, Truth or Dare?" _Finally! _Deidara exaggerated his inhalation as he leaped away from Shikamaru's crotch.

"Enjoy your stay?" Shikamaru laughed.

"Yes, remind me to make reservation next time." Deidara said dryly.

"Dare," Tobi interrupted as he stood up from Kisame's lap.

"Going so soon?" Kisame pouted.

"Afraid so," Tobi frowned. "Here, remember me with this." Kisame's face was a mask of surprise as Tobi ran his tongue against Kisame's cheek.

"I… dare you to… dry hump Deidara… any position you like."

"With pleasure…" Tobi said with a wink. _Whatever… it won't be __**that**__ bad._

"Okay. Just get this over with…"

Tobi positioned himself behind Deidara, and wrapping his arms around Deidara's torso, he began to thrust his hips into Deidara's body.

_Oh. My. God… this is… actually hot… _

Deidara reined in a moan as Tobi pumped his hips back and forth. After a minute or so, Konan gave him the okay to stop.

"We _must _do that again sometime." Tobi whispered as he stood back up with Deidara. "Next time… no clothes?" Deidara leaned in close… his lips as close as they could get to Tobi's ear.

"When and where." Deidara whispered. Tobi gazed at him, awestruck.

"Probably when we get back to my place…" Tobi whispered.

"Let's just finish this game…"

* * *

Deidara lay next to Tobi on the sand; the full moon—an iridescent disc of mercurial radiance—illuminating the dark beach in a pale silver light. The fire had slowly died down, and, soon, only Deidara and Tobi remained on the silvery sand.

"Deidara…" Tobi whispered.

"Yes…"

"I love you."

"I love you more than you could ever know."

Suddenly, wrapping his hands around his waist, Tobi lifted Deidara up on top of him so that Deidara was straddling his hips.

_I… I love him… nothing else matters…_

Deidara didn't make a sound as he leaned down to kiss Tobi; his pale blonde hair spilling down until it pooled in the sand around Tobi's face.

"I love you…"

The two kissed; the only souls in sight on the beach, and, under the light of the moon, Deidara felt his heart swell in his chest.

_Nothing else matters… I have Tobi… and he has me… Nothing else matters…_

* * *

**A/N: Finished :D... the end slacked off a bit because I wanted to upload it today :) R&R :))) :0 A possible lemon is upcoming chapters... perhaps... :) We shall see... A long chapter too... I think... Took me long enough :D... I am trying to update with more fervor now... But I am still quite busy... :D... Tell me what you think of it please, and, also, any reviews you would care to leave-or any tips-would be greatly appreciated... I love ALL OF YOU!**

**Redskiez: I ADORE YOU! YOU GAVE ME A DEATH HUG... ahem *coughs* anyway, thank you for being such a loyal reader... despite the little conflict we had ;P I fixed it yes? And... perhaps lemon soon ;D (p.s. your reviews make my day...)**

**DragonFire44: :D! I love you... that is all xD Oh, and your reviews make my day as well... ;3**

**SoleixDeidara *heart!***

**~No more dreaming of the dead**

**As if death itself was undone...**

**No more calling like a crow**

**For a boy; for a body in the garden...**

**No more dreaming like a girl,**

**So in love, so in love**

**No more dreaming like a girl,**

**So in love, so in love...**

**No more dreaming like a girl...**

**So in love with the wrong world...~ Blinding, Florence +The Machine**


	28. Paper Gangsta

**A/N; Plot twist! The author's note is in the beginning this time… don't sass me… Anyway, I want to start off by apologizing for not updating in… well… forever. I doubt any of you are still with me at this point, but, if you are, I love you :D and I thank you. Second. This chapter is horrible. Well… to me. It is one of those chapters where you work off and on for about a month or two… so the ideas seem relatively spaced and non-coinciding. Well… I apologize, in advance, for what you are about to read. I hope it isn't too horrible. I just needed to push through and get it done so I can begin a new chapter. Oh… there is NO lemon in this chapter… I'm sorry :/ I shall work on in it the future :) Okay… I love you :3 ALL OF YOU!**

* * *

Paper Gangsta

_"Claude, my heart was forever trapped in your deceptive spider web. You'll always be my Highness," Alois Tracy whispered as he clung to Claude's leg. Claude kneeled down in front of Alois and cupped his face with his hands. _

_ "What a thing to say to a mere butler," Claude remarked. Alois's ice-blue eyes widen—perhaps with the realization of betrayal, perhaps with the darkness that festers in the heart when dreams die—before Claude kills him; Alois's blood spilling onto the fresh green earth."_

"No…" Deidara whispered… "Turn it off Tobi…"

"What… why—"

"TURN IT OFF!" Deidara screamed.

"Okay," Tobi sighed as he turned off the Xbox.

"You didn't tell me Alois dies?!" Deidara whimpered.

"Well… yeah… Claude tasted Ciel's blood… He doesn't want Alois's soul anymore…" Tobi explained; a light humor in his voice.

"SO!? He can't just… do that too him… he can't just… leave… him… Alois loved Claude… So the master loved the servant. Who cares? Alois opened up his heart and Claude… Forget it…"

"Why does that get to you?" Tobi asked quizzically. Deidara sighed, tears still threatening to spill from his eyes. _He can't understand. He couldn't possibly understand… what it is like… to open up to somebody…_

"I'm afraid too, you know…" Deidara whispered, his voice practically inaudible. But Tobi heard. The cold words cut through the air like a razor, impossibly pure and clear in the silent room.

Tobi picked Deidara up, cradling his frail, slender form in both arms, and, clutching Deidara's head to his chest, Tobi carried him to the bedroom.

Tobi set Deidara down gently, and Deidara let his head hang, his long, blonde hair pooling around his palms, which were curled helplessly in his lap. Deidara was suddenly aware that Tobi was beside him on the bed, his hand lifting Deidara's chin up so that their eyes met. Deidara gazed into Tobi's eyes, the crystalline reflection of his own ice-blue eyes reflection deep in those crimson depths staring back at him.

Tobi leaned in close until their lips were centimeters apart. Deidara gasped silently, his head swimming and spinning in anxiety; Tobi still had the same effect on him, it didn't matter—whenever Deidara was with Tobi, he always felt like he wasn't good enough, like Tobi deserved better. Those eyes pierced through Deidara's outer beauty and saw straight into his heart, his black, disgusting, unfeeling heart.

"What is it exactly, that you are afraid of?" Tobi said, the sudden seriousness of his voice startling.

"You really want to know?" Deidara chuckled darkly, his voice thick with defeat, his faced suddenly etched with lines of grief and sorrow.

"Tell. Me." Tobi said, cupping Deidara's face in his large, slender hands.

"I am afraid that you will wake up and stop loving me…" Deidara sighed. There it was. The truth. As plain as day. As obvious and evident as Deidara's broken will.

Tobi didn't say a word. Suddenly, his strong arms wrapped around Deidara, his fingers coiling in Deidara's long hair. Despite his best efforts, Deidara couldn't contain his tears. His body was wracked with sobs; he shook uncontrollably despite Tobi's best efforts to comfort him.

_It… it doesn't make any sense. How can this turn from the greatest day of my life… to something so horrible and… _He didn't finish the thought. Deidara cried into Tobi's shoulder, his tears soaking his bare skin.

"Shhhhh… Deidara. It's okay. I'm here… I won't let go of you… please… I love you… there is no reason to be afraid…"

"I'm so heavy in your arms…" Deidara whispered, his voice a silent scream in the dark.

"What?" Tobi breathed, "Deidara… I don't understand…"

"I was a heavy heart to carry… my beloved was weighed down… my arms around his neck… my finger laced to crown…" Deidara chanted; his voice echoing out in an ethereal whisper.

"Deidara… What is wrong…?" Tobi said, panic rising in his voice.

"I was a heavy heart to carry, but he never let me down… When he had me in his arms, my feet never touched the ground… I'm so… heavy…" Deidara breathed, his icy blue eyes crackling with intensity, like permafrost coalescing on the surface of a crystal clear lake.

"Deidara… please… snap out of it… you… you're scaring me…" Tobi cried, desperation lacing each and every word.

"Heavy in your arms…"

"DEIDARA!" Tobi shouted. Tobi tackled Deidara against the headboard. Deidara's face barely showed any recognition of the solid impact. Tobi grabbed Deidara shoulders, shaking him with fervor, but Deidara didn't respond; his eyes seemed to gaze into the distance, as if he was envisioning worlds beyond physical sight.

_Darkness… always darkness… You know, in all this ephemerality, I couldn't ask for any more than this. This all-consuming numbness… I am chilled to the core, and yet a fire permeates my brittle flesh… You know… darkness isn't so bad… at least you know where you are at with darkness… evil lurks within it… it doesn't matter where it is, you know that it is there… somewhere… razor teeth, just waiting to rend the flesh from your throat… No… it is the light that I fear… for evil can mask itself behind a pretty face… even worse than this maddening silence… the song… the lies, the beautiful lies, floating up to my eager ears in arias… ballads of broken and twisted truth… contorted… I want to shut it all out… and not come back at all… but, they call and call… and call… they can't leave well enough alone… trapped in the eternal prison—this body a living hell—perfection… so close, but infinitely beyond my reach… my fingertips grazing the surface, perhaps, here and there… but never, in all the years I have sought after it, have I come close to achieving it…_

Deidara's eyes rolled back in his head; the icy blue depths suddenly swallowed by a sea of white, and Tobi felt his heart stop.

"Deidara…? Please… say something…"

"It doesn't matter," Deidara whispered, his body resembling a corpse save for the slight movement of his lips… "We are all mad here…"

"Deidara…"

_Shock… is that what this is? There was a medical term for it… But, what triggered it… I hear Tobi… but I can't speak the truth… I can't see him… I just feel him… his body... where is he…?_

Deidara's body began to pulse gently. Tobi's mind began to race… He felt sweat trickle down to the base of his spine, even though he knew his blood could not have run colder; even if there had been a blizzard coursing through his veins, Tobi doubted he could ever feel this cold…

"Deidara… please… wake up… I don't know what's wrong… I need to take you to the hospital—"

"NO!" Deidara screamed, his eyes opening wide… "Don't… DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK…. SO COLD… so cold… so dark…" Deidara felt his head spin and, his eyes fluttering, he sank back into the sweet embrace of oblivion.

_This… why is it so cold… and yet, I am so warm… I can feel the warmth… it is right out in front of me… but, my arms don't want to reach out and take it… have I gone mad… no, no… no that can't be it… this is something more…._

"DEIDARA!" Tobi's voice pierced the darkness…

_He is calling my name again… I want to go back… but… this is so… the clarity has been stripped away… I can't see into the past or the future… I'm not afraid…_

"Breathe your smoke into my lungs…"

_What… what can this be…?_

"In the back of a car with you I stare into the sun…"

_That is… Tobi's voice… but… what is he doing…?_

"Still not too old to die young…"

_These words…_

"The lovers hold on… to everything… and others hold on to anything…" There was a pleading in the words, and Deidara could detect the vaguest hint—the slightest indication that Tobi was on the verge of tears.

"I chase your love around a figure 8…."

_"I need you more than I can take…."_

Tobi stopped singing… Had Deidara… spoken…?

_Silence… again… sweet… eternal… silence…_

But the silence never came.

"You promise forever and a day… and then you take it all away…" Tobi's words broke off, his body shaking, wracked by sobs, and the tears flowed freely from his eyes, trickling down his arms and dripping almost lazily, with viscous fluidity, and pooling on Deidara's bare skin.

_Tobi… I… I… _Deidara inhaled sharply, the sound of his breathing piercing the silent mourning of Tobi.

"And then you take it all away…" Deidara finished, his blurred vision slowly returning.

"Deidara… I need to know…" Tobi began, his breathing shallow and rapid.

"No… Please…. No… NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" Deidara screamed, clutching his hands to his ears. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

"Deidara, what the hell is wrong with you?" Tobi shouted, his voice cracking as his panic reached its pinnacle.

"NO, PLEASE… STOP… STOP… STOP KAKASHI… THIS ISN'T WHAT I WANT… I DON'T WANT THIS… LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Deidara felt this sting on his cheek—a flash of pain so fleeting, so momentary, but the pain forced him back into reality. However, although the physical pain ebbed away, Deidara felt his heart shatter with the realization that Tobi had struck him.

"Deidara, snap the fuck out of it." Tobi shouted, tears rolling freely down his cheeks. "Please… I don't know what to do…"

"You…"

"What?"

"Do you really want to know what I am afraid of…?" Deidara hissed with reproach.

"Tell. Me. Now." Tobi said, reaching out a hand in a gesture of apology, but Deidara brushed it away.

"Don't. Touch. Me." Deidara said darkly. Tobi looked taken aback, but Deidara hardly registered the hurt look on his face.

"I am afraid, because I am afraid you will see me the way I see myself. Forget anything I said before; yes, I fear every morning that you will wake up and just cease to care, but, a thousand times more paralyzing than that is the fear that you will look at me, and see me in the way I view myself; a trashy, ugly, slut with an eating disorder and extreme vanity."

"You are none of those things." Tobi whispered softly; his voice shifting to a calming tone. He reached out his hand and placed it on Deidara's shoulder.

"I. Said. **Don't. Touch. Me.**" Deidara hissed. Tobi's face shattered; his mask of confidence and security broken by Deidara's harsh tone. "You don't know me. You may think you do, but you have no idea, NO IDEA, the shit I have been through… I… I need to go…"

"Deidara, don't do this." Tobi pleaded. "Look, I understand the fact that I know next to nothing about you, the real you, but I am willing to go to hell and back to be there for you, whether you want me or not. And you want to know why? Because I fucking love you. More than anything on this entire earth. I would die trying before I let anything or anyone hurt you again… I hate to see you hurting like this. I hate to feel powerless—to watch you fall to pieces when I have no idea what is wrong. Do you know how that makes me feel, Deidara? It feels like shit. All I want to do is be there for you, but how can I do that if you keep pushing me away? I need you to realize that I am here, and I love only you… Deidara… I love you…"

Deidara stared at Tobi, an all-encompassing feeling of shame and guilt enveloping him in a cold embrace. _So… this is what it feels like to be an ass…_ _fuck… _

"Tobi… I'm sorry… I was being… well, a bitch… I apologize for what I said. I should wallow in my own sorrow. I shouldn't force my problems on you…"

"That is what I still don't understand… what exactly is your problem… what happened… to make you like… this…?"

"I'm not really sure… I am just really… unstable right now. Please forgive me. I really wish that I didn't…"

Tobi placed a finger on Deidara's lips, and Deidara shivered. Wiping his eyes with the back of his palm, Deidara tore his gaze away from Tobi. _I don't deserve to look upon someone so perfect… how in the hell did I end up in a relationship with him…_

"Tobi…" Deidara said solemnly.

"Yes?" Tobi replied.

"Never leave me… please… I know I don't deserve you but— "

Tobi silenced him with a kiss.

**A/N: ***facepalm*

SoleixDeidara

~Restful mind, and peaceful eyes,

When sound is gone, then you will find

It's all the same for the dreamers,

It's all the same for us~ Broken Iris, Where Butterflies Never Die


	29. Back to Black

**Back to Black**

Deidara sat idly, his tongue toying with the straw in his mouth. The Dr. Pepper he was sipping on was terribly flat, and his mind couldn't seem to drift away from the conversation that had commenced between Tobi and himself the previous night.

It was hell, thinking about how much shit he put Tobi through, but how could he not?

_Get a hold of yourself Deidara. Everything is fine. You are going to eat with Tobi, and then you can go home and sleep it all away. No worries._

Deidara heard the faint hum of Adele over the rabble of the restaurant and sighed. _Of course they would play her. Like she didn't get enough attention already. She is insanely talented… but all her music sounds the same. _Deidara sighed again and glanced absentmindedly at his watch, the iridescent blue 3:30 shining back at him. _Where is Tobi…? He went to the bathroom ten minutes ago. _Deidara's eyes scanned across the occupants of the restaurant. _No one here looks of any importance really… Stop! Tobi wanted you to stop judging people. You need to work on that for him. It's the least you can do._

Deidara closed his eyes and leaned back against the booth. Suddenly, a faint voice floated into Deidara's ears, the voice vaguely familiar. He opened his eyes and scanned the room. At the door, speaking to the escort at the podium, Kakashi stood with Kisame. _What the hell… why are they here… together?_

Using every ounce of sheer will to suppress the urge to spy further, Deidara slipped in his headphones, the ear buds instantly stifling the din of the restaurant. Deidara focused intensely on his IPod, scrolling through his playlists, shuffling through songs, skipping around; anything to hold his attention away from the two men in the restaurant. Finally, settling on Amy Winehouse, Deidara turned the volume all the way up—ignoring the feeling of eminent deafness. The music was painfully loud, but the intensity of the volume was able to block out the emotional pain. _We could get away from it all… But I can't leave her all alone. _

**_"He left no time to regret, Kept his **** wet_**

**_ With his same old safe bet…" _**

****Deidara felt tears involuntarily well up in his eyes, but he bit his tongue with as much force as he could in order to prevent them from being shed. It wasn't like he had wanted anything to transpire between himself and Kisame; it wasn't like he had wanted Kakashi to force himself on him… His life just had a sick, twisted way of always taking turns for the bitter worst. _Where the hell is Tobi…_

**_"We only say goodbye with words_**

**_ I've died a hundred times_**

**_ You go back to her,_**

**_ And I go back to us…"_**

****"Deidara?" Kisame's voice pierced right through his headphone's thunderous volume, and Deidara felt his heart sink. He pretended not to hear him, suddenly finding his Dr. Pepper the most captivating thing on the earth.

"Deidara? Can you… oh. You have headphones in." Kisame took the liberty of removing the headphone from Deidara's left ear. "Can you hear me now?"

"Kisame?" Deidara said through grit teeth, acting surprised. "What are you doing here Shark Face?"

"Shark Face…?" Kisame asked, "That's a new one. Anyway, Kakashi and I came here to see if we couldn't find some sexy guys… but they might as well go home now that you are in here." Despite his hatred for Kisame, Deidara gave a genuine smile. Kisame always did know how to brighten up things. "So, what are you doing here? Oh! Check out my new shoes."

"Grabbing something to eat with Tobi…" Deidara trailed off noticing the only things on the table were his Dr. Pepper and Tobi's water.

"I see… well… they say empty plates are the latest food craze…" Kisame attempted to amend with the lame joke.

"Oh, we are going to eat. I'm just waiting on him to get back from the bathroom so we can order." Deidara decided to humor Kisame. He glanced down and looked at his shoes. Black converse with neon blue lacing. "Oh, by the way, nice shoes. Where did you get them?"

"Hot Topic," Deidara answered just as Kisame said the same words.

"I figured."

"Thank you for complimenting them though… Anyway, why are you waiting for Tobi?"

"I didn't want to order without him. It wouldn't seem right…" Deidara sighed. He didn't expect Kisame to understand. _He_ didn't know what it was like between them.

"Oh, I can go check and see if he is in the bathroom… but, I warn you, if I do, Kakashi will probably come over here and talk to you. He has his heart set on you still. I keep telling him to give it up, but he is hell-bent on winning you over."

"Please go check," Deidara pleaded.

"What about—"

"—I am more than capable of handling myself," Deidara interjected. "Besides, if Kakashi genuinely loves me, I need to set him straight."

"Alrighty then," Kisame laughed, "I will be right back." Deidara's eyes never left Kisame as he quickly made his way to the bathroom. However, just as Kisame predicted, no sooner had Kisame closed the bathroom door behind him, Kakashi smoothly slid into the seat opposite Deidara.

"Ah, and may I ask why the hell you think you have the right to sit there?" Deidara said curtly.

"Look, I just want to talk—"

"If you are here to talk, you might as well get right back up and go back to where you were sitting. I have _nothing _to say to you."

"Deidara, please…"

"I don't care if you want me. I don't care if you love me. Hell, I don't care if you fucking need me to survive. The only feeling I have for you anymore is pity. That's it. Now, be a man for once in your life and walk away."

Kakashi stood up wordlessly, both his ice-blue and scarlet eye trained on Deidara.

"You won't even give me a chance." Kakashi began.

"I gave you a chance, and you stabbed me in the back. There is nothing between us." With that, Deidara slipped his other headphone into his ear.

**_"He loves blow and I love puff_**

**_ And life, is like a pipe_**

**_ And I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside._**

**_ We only say goodbye with words_**

**_ I've died a hundred times_**

**_ You go back to her_**

**_ And I go back to black…"_**

Deidara saw a waiter, his warm smile a bit too over-zealous, approaching, and he quickly took his headphones out of his ears and shoved them into his pocket.

"Are you ready to order?" The man asked with a smile.

"No, my boyfriend isn't back from the bathroom," Deidara said bluntly.

"Boyfriend isn't here huh? Well, if you ever get lonely, I can always spend a little quality time with you." The waiter winked.

"Oh, now that you mention it, I might need something? Would you be willing to give me a refill?"

The waiter glanced at Deidara's drink which was still almost completely full.

"But you have…" Deidara dumped the contents of his glass onto the waiter's head. The entire restaurant fell silent.

"What part of _boyfriend_ didn't register in your brain? Leave me alone."

The waiter flashed Deidara an angry looked, but, composing himself the best one can with Dr. Pepper soaked clothing, he leaned in close next to Deidara.

"It's fine. I don't mind. I love it when they try to fight back. It makes it just that much more interesting. I—"

Deidara punched the waiter square in the jaw, and he fell to the ground, his hand clutching his injured face.

"Get out of my sight." Deidara hissed. He knew he would regret it. You can't just get away with publicly displaying violence like that. But Deidara was the farthest thing from caring. And besides, the waiter had really pissed him off. He had enough trouble keeping people he knew away from him, but, a total stranger. That was the end of the line.

_Where the hell is Kisame or more importantly, where is Tobi…? _Deidara looked around. There was no sign of either Tobi or Kisame. _If you want something done, you have to do it yourself… Funny, I always thought that was just something old people rambled on about when they went senile. _

Deidara stood up, throwing down a 10 dollar bill for the two drinks—even though they didn't cost near that much, Deidara decided the change would serve as some sort of apology for the ass of a waiter.

Ignoring all the pairs of eyes trained on him, he casually made his way to the bathroom. He opened the door. The bathroom was empty…

_What… that doesn't make sense… I saw Kisame walk in here… and Tobi went through the door like fifteen minutes ago… _

He thought he heard a faint sound coming from one of the stalls, but he dismissed it. Deidara walked in front of the mirror and examined his reflection. He didn't wear makeup anymore—well, except for eyeliner and the occasional concealer—and his nails were polish free.

_Heh, Tobi has changed me more than I realized I guess. Although, I really should paint my nails black. _Deidara wore a slim-fitting black V-neck that hugged his body's naturally slim figure, and a pair of black skinny jeans. He was dressed to the utmost simplicity, and, to his surprise, he loved it.

"This isn't so bad, really." Deidara laughed aloud to himself. Two tight gasps came from the stall behind him. Deidara whirled around in shock._ So someone is in here… I wonder who._

"Hello… Umm… Seeing as a must have missed them, have you by any chance seen a tall guy with black hair, red eyes, and pale skin… or, if you haven't seen him, have you seen a really tall guy with black hair, black eyes, and bluish skin…? Hello?"

No response.

_Okay… no big deal. They haven't seen them… Wait… why the hell are two people in a stall…?_

"Well…" Deidara eyes flickered down. He saw two pairs of feet. One of them wearing black converse with neon blue lacing…

"Dammit Kisame!" Deidara moaned. I ask you to go check and see if Tobi is in here, and you make out with some random person. You could have at least told me…"

Deidara threw open the stall door and stopped, his beating heart suddenly frozen in a cloak of permafrost. His mind clouded over, went fuzzy, and then went completely blank. His body felt like shaking—trembling actually—but Deidara knew it wouldn't betray him even if he wanted it to. His hands felt cold; no, the world felt cold. The breath was sucked from his brittle lungs, but he didn't need to breathe. He didn't need anything anymore. It was so painful, leaps and bounds past unbearable. He felt every single shred of light in his body, every last iota in his entire being, shatter and crumble to dust. The clarity of it all is what hurt the most; the fact that he couldn't tear his eyes from the scene before him.

Tobi and Kisame were in the stall, their bodies forced against each other due to the close confines. Deidara didn't even have to second guess what they had been doing.

He tried to form words, but his thoughts died before they could take flight from his tongue. He tried to think of something; a profound reason for this to happen, a reason that justified everything. But, despite every last figment and dream of his imagination, he couldn't even begin to create a false reality that could hide away the truth. And that was because the truth was before him, as plain as day. Tobi's scarlet eyes shone with remorse and something more, and Kisame's black eyes held only shame.

Deidara wanted to scream. He really did. But he knew better than to cause a scene. After all, he couldn't tarnish any of their reputations. That would be childish.

"I should have known better…" The words slipped out of Deidara's mouth. He couldn't stop them… though, in truth, he didn't want too.

"Deidara. Let me explain."

"Okay." Deidara said simply. Tobi was clearly surprised by his response.

"You… you will listen?" Tobi said slowly, as if this were all a dream.

"I didn't listen to you once… and look where that got me. I trust you Tobi, dangerously so. I am willing to hear what you have to say… But Kisame… get the fuck out of here. Now!"

Kisame quickly exited the stall and left the bathroom. In a moment, Tobi and Deidara were alone.

"I understand…" Tobi said, clearing his throat. "Okay, you remember during the truth or dare game, I had to sit on Kisame's lap…"

"Yes…" Deidara replied, his voice laden with exhaustion. _I already don't like where this is going…_

"Okay, after your breakdown three days ago, I went to Hot Topic. I wanted to get you something to… I don't know, make you smile. I saw Kisame working there, and I figured he would know what you liked, seeing as he works there with you. He gave me a few shirts, but he told me I should try them on the be safe… So he took me back to the dressing rooms."

"I see…" Deidara sighed deeply. "Continue." He was already fragmented… it didn't matter what Tobi said anymore. After all, you can't shatter a broken mirror; there is nothing left but millions of ugly reflections.

"Look, I know this seems bad. And it is. I betrayed you. I—"

"It's nothing I haven't done to you before." Deidara said bluntly. "Keep talking."

"Okay, after I took off my shirt to try one of them on, I sat down, and I jokingly asked Kisame to give me a lap dance. He winked at me and said 'Okay, I will repay the favor.' It seemed so meaningless at the time… The next day, you were still asleep, so I went back to the mall. This time, Kisame and I met during his lunch break. And… we kissed… I don't know why. I don't fucking know why. Suddenly, I felt so attracted to Kisame. Look, I'm sorry. I really am. I told him to meet me here because I am trying to get it out of my system. Deidara, I don't expect you to forgive me…"

"Forget it. You are forgiven." Deidara breathed. "Drive me home please."

"Deidara, you can't forgive me. I—"

"I've put you through more than enough shit; the least I can do is forget and forgive the one time you slipped up. Now take me home."

"To my house or…?"

"Your house. Where do you think?"

"I don't understand you… why are you—"

"I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF ALL THE SHIT THAT HAPPENS; I'M TIRED OF ALL THE SHIT THAT COMES BETWEEN YOU AND I." Deidara screamed, his emotions finally betraying him. "I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE FUCKING PICTURE PERFECT, AND I AM DONE DEALING WITH SHIT THAT RUINS WHAT WE HAVE. YOU AND I ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER, AND I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE THAT UP… not for anyone or anything… I love you Tobi… and, at least I think, you love me… Let's forget about the world…"

**_"We only say goodbye with words_**

**_ I've died a hundred times_**

**_ You go back to her,_**

**_ And I go back to us…"_**

* * *

Emptiness. Oh yes, Deidara was accustomed to emptiness. Complete and utter emptiness. There isn't a thing left in the world to fight for, and, even if there was, you long ago lost the will. You merely accept it as inevitability. This darkness, void of any and all thought, had become a friend of Deidara's; no, more than a friend—practically a second nature. It was in the darkness, this profane half-existence, that Deidara finally found what is was he had been looking for. Coldness. Detachment. Numbness. Emotionlessness. The place in life where dreams died, and hope was swallowed up. But he wasn't afraid; in fact he welcomed it. The fathomless waters of oblivion swallowed Deidara in a sea of night, eternal blackness. His body, mind, and soul sank deep beneath the murk and gloom, and, when his lungs could no longer fight the darkness, the fluid night filled his heart as well…

**_Darkness… it's always so dark. _**_Deidara winced as he felt a pain—or more accurately put, warmth—blossom in his chest. __**A heartbeat…**__**Heh, I can't get away from him though… I can never get away. My heart will always come crawling back… **__Deidara closed his eyes, not that it changed a thing. This darkness was depthless… the infinite night. __**Tobi will save me… But what if I don't want to be saved… What if I want to be swallowed up…Forevermore…**_

****Deidara awoke with a start, a cold sweat running down his face. He quickly pressed his hands to his face and wiped away the droplets of perspiration slowly trickling down his cheek.

Sitting up, he glanced to his side. Tobi was but a shapeless mass underneath the multitude of blankets. For some reason, it was always below 50 degrees in Tobi's apartment—Deidara had this theory that he kept it that cold so that he would be forced to cling to Tobi for warmth. He smiled, seeing Tobi's raven hair sprouting from beneath the blanket. It was almost peaceful…

The pain came back like a knife to the heart.

_"Deidara, don't do this." Tobi pleaded. "Look, I understand the fact that I know next to nothing about you, the real you, but I am willing to go to hell and back to be there for you, whether you want me or not. And you want to know why? Because I fucking love you. More than anything on this entire earth. I would die trying before I let anything or anyone hurt you again… I hate to see you hurting like this. I hate to feel powerless—to watch you fall to pieces when I have no idea what is wrong. Do you know how that makes me feel, Deidara? It feels like shit. All I want to do is be there for you, but how can I do that if you keep pushing me away? I need you to realize that I am here, and I love only you… Deidara… I love you…"_

A lie… that was all it was… a sweet, beautiful, twisted lie… Deidara doubled over, his teeth buried fiercely in his tongue the only thing preventing him from screaming. He had known about heartbreak. He was perfectly aware of the feeling. But this… this was different.

No one had ever told him it would manifest itself as physical pain.

Deidara leaped out of bed, silently hoping that his outburst of motion hadn't disturbed Tobi, but that was only a slight remorse lingering in his mind. He ran to the bathroom, not trusting himself to keep his grip on his composure. Tears blurred his vision, and his mouth felt dry and cracked. Throwing the door open, Deidara quickly closed and locked it before slumping to his knees in front of the toilet.

The vomit scorched his throat as it forced its way up from his stomach and rushed out of his mouth in a jet. Deidara blinked away more tears, trying to retain some modicum of vision, but it was pointless. He hadn't even accepted it until now, really; the words that were branded into his mind, lingering in his thoughts like an unwelcome stranger.

Tobi had cheated on _him _with _Kisame…_

It still felt like a dream. A sick, twisted, unimaginable dream. But Deidara was all too aware of his reality. And that was what hurt the most.

He knew that Tobi didn't slip up; he knew that there wasn't an accident. Tobi had meant to do what he did. And the worst part of it all, Deidara couldn't blame him.

Deidara's thoughts melted away as more vomit surged out from his throat. He arms were shaking, and he didn't trust his legs to support him should he try to stand up. He knew he looked awful—his eyes undoubtedly red and swollen from crying himself to sleep.

But his vanity overpowered his sorrow.

Forcing himself to stand, Deidara dragged himself over to the mirror, bracing himself for the utmost despair. He brushed a stray lock of hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear, and, inhaling deeply, Deidara opened his eyes to gaze into the mirror.

Scarlet veins threaded his eyes, which were black and bruised colored underneath, and his normally ice-blue irises seemed dull and glazed. His pupils were dilated, giving him a wild and crazed expression, which wasn't softened in any way by the gauntness of his face. His already pallid skin had a shadowed appearance, from lack of sleep and food no doubt. His hair was slightly greasy, and his full lips were torn and bleeding from being bitten. The remainder of his eyeliner, which he hadn't washed off the night before, was smudged under his eyelids, giving his already bruised complexion and even darker look.

Deidara couldn't help but laugh.

He had always made it a point to look his best no matter what he did. But, frankly, that didn't mean a fucking thing to him in this moment.

His stomach twisted in pain—the hunger finally sinking in—but Deidara knew if he even tried to eat anything he would just vomit it right back up. He knew his body couldn't go on like this. He hadn't eaten anything since his breakdown four days ago, and he was running himself into the ground trying to keep going on as if nothing had happened.

Coffee and a shower. That was the only thing Deidara could think to do. It wasn't much, but it was something; he needed something, anything to take his mind off of this razor-edged reality.

One step at a time. That was all he could do. The question was which she he do first. If he showered first, he risked waking up Tobi, and then he would have no choice but to talk to him as he made coffee. Alternately, he could make the coffee first, and, if the smell of it didn't rouse Tobi from his slumber, he could quickly shower, feign a headache, and go back to sleep, where the numbness would once again sink in.

_Coffee it is then. _Deidara quickly brushed his teeth to remove the sour taste of bile from his mouth before walking into the kitchen. He heard the faint chirping of birds outside the windows. The sound would ordinarily be bright and cheerful, but now it just sounded of darkness and despair. He poured the coffee grinds into the coffee maker, the warm, comforting scent of coffee almost instantly percolating into the atmosphere of the room, and, while the coffee was being made, Deidara took out the ponytail holder in his hair, and let it fall past his shoulders. He sat down on a small barstool by the counter, and closed his eyes; everything finally dulling down.

His heart froze when he heard a yawn come from the bedroom. He couldn't face Tobi; he wasn't ready for it. But what choice did he have? He couldn't just avoid the man he lived with.

Everything in his body hurt all over again, as if all the emotional stitches he had made to mend all of his wounds had just been torn open. He held back tears, his mind searching for something that could occupy his attention—an excuse as to why he couldn't face Tobi.

There was nothing.

"Good morning Deidara," Tobi said, his voice lazy and tired, as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his palms.

Silence. Deidara didn't breathe. He couldn't think of anything to say. There was nothing in the world that he could say to Tobi right now… nothing that would change what had transpired.

"Oh, you are making coffee," Tobi said quickly to fill the void, obviously sensing the rift between them. Deidara nodded. _Say something. Anything._

"Yeah," Deidara said his voice detached and distant, "I just needed a little boost."

"I understand," Tobi said with a half-smile. He walked over, pulled up a chair, and sat beside Deidara, gently running his fingers through Deidara's hair.

A single tear slipped from his eye; the tiny globule of water managing to escape the mental dam he had so carefully constructed.

This simple gesture had destroyed Deidara's composure. His love for Tobi ran him through like a double-edged sword—a part of him longing to embrace and be embraced by the radiant warmth that sat not even a foot away, but the other side of him would shrivel and die in such an embrace… this realization was painful beyond all thought.

"Tobi…" Deidara whispered softly, his hands curled uselessly in his lap like dead slugs, "I… I-I am going to shower. Come get me when the coffee is ready."

"Okay," Tobi smiled, though Deidara saw behind the warm expression; he saw the lines of defeat and despair etched deeply into Tobi's face.

It was hell, seeing Tobi so broken, but Deidara wasn't about to apologize. He had his dignity, and, despite his promise that he would forgive Tobi, he wasn't about to let go of every last shred of his self-respect.

"Be out in a minute," Deidara called out as he shut the door behind him. Deidara sighed, his shoulders slumping down; his entire body heavy with sudden exhaustion. Those few words exchanged with Tobi had drained him more than a seven mile run.

"We only say goodbye with words, I've died a hundred times…" Deidara breathed softly.

He plugged his phone into the IHome, selecting the playlist titled "Shower" and, quickly stripping off his clothes, he stepped into the shower, turning the water tap labeled _Hot_ all the way up. He closed his eyes bracing himself for what he knew was going to happen.

The freezing chill pierced through him like a razor, but it was a welcome change; the icy water made the pain subside.

The music from his IPod floated above the roaring water of gushing from the showerhead, and the heat from the water finally got to Deidara. He quickly turned the _Cold _water knob to about halfway, and the heat of the water lessened.

**_"Don't be sacred, I've done this before_**

**_ Show me your teeth_**

**_ Show me your teeth…"_**

****Deidara jumped, hearing the tell-tale click of the door shutting. _Shit, I forgot to lock it…_

He knew Tobi was in the room now, but there was nothing he could do but pretend he was oblivious.

**_"Don't want no money (Want your money)_**

**_ That shit's ugly_**

**_ Just want your sex (Want your sex)"_**

****Deidara could see the shadow of Tobi through the curtains now, and his heartbeat began to quicken. Despite the heat of the shower, Deidara suddenly felt cold. Through the corner of his eye, he saw a hand slip through the curtain.

Just as he opened his mouth to scream; just as Deidara was finally ready to unleash all of his pent up anguish, a large, white hand covered his mouth. Deidara bit down hard into the flesh of the hand in order to keep himself from panicking.

In an instant, Tobi was behind him, his naked form pressed against Deidara, and Deidara's mind began to race, his heartbeat accelerating at an alarming rate.

"So," Tobi whispered, his breath hot even amidst the steam from the shower. "I am going to tell you something that has always worked for me whenever an ex of mine and I had a falling out." One of Tobi's hands snaked around Deidara's waist, the other still pressed firmly against his mouth.

**_"Take a bite of my bad girl meat_**

**_ (Take a bite of me boy)_**

**_ Show me your teeth"_**

****Tobi pulled Deidara in, even closer than before, and Deidara shivered, his entire body threatening to tremble at any moment. Deidara was now vividly aware of Tobi's member pressing against his back, but even the intensity of this moment didn't block out Deidara's emotional sorrow.

"I have nothing say to you," Deidara murmured sulkily as Tobi finally removed his hand and uncovered Deidara's mouth.

"That is fine." Tobi's other hand slithered down until both hands were wrapped firmly around Deidara's waist; Deidara suppressed a gasp of surprise as Tobi's member throbbed against his back. "But you are going to listen to what I have to say. I'm not giving you an option there."

As if to emphasize his point, Tobi bucked up into Deidara, and Deidara bit his tongue to hold back a moan. Suddenly, Deidara was aware that his own hands had crept down and were resting on both of Tobi's thighs.

_Control yourself. _Deidara quickly jerked his hands up, and he began trying to pry Tobi's arms from his waist.

"You won't get away that easily, Blondie," Tobi laughed darkly.

Blondie? The nickname was a surprise to Deidara, but, he wasn't going to pretend like he didn't love it.

"Just say what you have to say and let's be done with it." Deidara said impatiently. He wanted Tobi to let him go already; he didn't trust his body to obey his mind much longer…

"Alright." Tobi laughed. He quickly ran his tongue along Deidara's ear. "but only because you asked for it. As I was saying, whenever one of my previous boyfriends' and I had a falling out, there was one thing that, no matter what the problem was, always seemed to fix everything."

_Obviously that isn't true, because you broke up with them… _"And? What is this miraculous 'thing?'"

"Makeup sex," Tobi whispered, his breath fanning across the nape of Deidara's neck.

Deidara felt his heart beat once. Twice. Three times. He counted each and every heartbeat that happened after Tobi had said those two words. Time seemed to come to a standstill, and Deidara suddenly felt a chill run across his spine despite the warmth radiating around him from the shower's steam.

_Did he just say sex… as in he wants to have sex now… with me…?_

"Makeup sex…" Deidara repeated, the whole thing still feeling like a dream.

"Yep," Tobi said simply. "Makeup sex. You, me, an intense period where both of our bodies are joined. Makeup sex."

This _had _to be a dream. People don't go from having a huge rift develop in a relationship to having sex… It just didn't make sense.

"So what do you say?" Tobi whispered seductively, his voice dropping almost an octave. The deepness and roughness of Tobi's voice sent another shiver through his body.

"I won't take no for an answer," Tobi said in the same voice, another bout of uncontrollable shivers wracking Deidara's body.

"Tobi I…" Tobi, removing his hands from Deidara's waist and placing both of them on his shoulders, forced Deidara to his knees and spun him around. Deidara felt his body tremble—with anticipation or fear, he wasn't sure—as he found himself staring directly at Tobi's member. Deidara let out a small gasp as Tobi pressed his member against Deidara's face.

It was hot, extremely hot, and it seemed to keep getting bigger every moment. Deidara found himself breathing rapidly, each increasingly faster and shallower, and he realized that he hand subconsciously placed his hand on Tobi's back, pulling him closer.

"Now then, we understand each other don't we?" Tobi smirked. Deidara forced himself to glare up at him, his eyes not able to avoid looking at Tobi's perfect body. The muscles in is arms were flexed as they held Deidara's shoulders down, and Tobi's abs were pronounced due to the glistening caused by the water. Tobi crimson eyes regarded Deidara with a passionate look; Deidara could see the primordial hunger, the animal instinct, lurking just beneath the surface. Deidara knew he was not going to be able to resist the temptation much longer.

**_"Tell me something that will save me_**

**_ I need a man that makes me all right._**

**_ Tell me something that will change me_**

**_ I'm gonna love you with my hands tied"_**

Tobi bucked up again, his member almost forcing Deidara's lips, which were shut so tightly the blood seemed to be drained from them, and Deidara bit down on his tongue to suppress another moan.

"You don't have to fight it Deidara," Tobi smirked again. One of his hands left Deidara's shoulder and moved to the back of his neck. Tobi gave Deidara a slight pinch, a small pressure exerted against his spine, and Deidara yelped, his mouth finally flashing open.

Tobi reacted in an instant. His member found its way past Deidara's lips and into his mouth. Deidara's tongue, as if by instinct, snaked around the head of Tobi's member, and Tobi let out a small groan of pleasure.

Deidara took one of his hands and wrapped it around the base of Tobi's member, his hand slowly pumping back and forth as Tobi began to slide his member in and out of Deidara's mouth. Tobi's other hand left Deidara's shoulder and placed itself on top of his head, and Tobi began to push down, forcing his way deeper inside Deidara's mouth.

It felt wrong, horribly wrong, to shift emotional states so rapidly, but Deidara frankly didn't give a fuck. He had _never _felt closer to Tobi than he did in this moment. And this wasn't even sex. His mind began to flicker through images, through fantasies that made Deidara's head spin. He began to focus his attention on Tobi's member with newfound fervor; the fantasies he had always dreamed of with Tobi finally seeming to materialize into actual possibilities.

Tobi suddenly bucked up again, this time his member forcing itself all the way to the back of Deidara's throat, and Tobi's hands pressed down hard on the back of Deidara's head.

Deidara gagged, his entire body wracked with sudden spasms. Tobi quickly removed his member from Deidara's mouth and crouch down so that he was eye level with Deidara.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice laced with concern.

Deidara brought his lips against Tobi's in response. Tobi's brought his hand against Deidara's cheek, and Deidara placed his hand against Tobi's chest.

"Let's take this to the bedroom, shall we?" Tobi breathed huskily in Deidara's ear.

"Take me." Deidara whispered back. Tobi turned off the shower and picked Deidara up with both arms. The walk to the bedroom was short, mere seconds, but Deidara hardly noticed the passage of time at all really. Everything was so intense, so in the moment, each gesture so passionate and meaningful; Deidara hardly acknowledged anything other than Tobi's presence.

Tobi placed Deidara on the bed, both of them still soaked in the water from the shower, and Tobi went over to his bedside drawer, and, after a few moments, produced a condom.

"Now Deidara," Tobi said, his fingers expertly removing the wrapper from the condom. Deidara felt a small ping of both disgust and jealousy run through him—there was only one way he got that good at doing that, and it wasn't from practicing alone… "I understand that you are a virgin, and, admittedly, I am probably not the best person for you to have to experience sex with for the first time…"

"And why is that?" Deidara asked, puzzled. _Wouldn't you want to be my first…?_

"I know what you are thinking," Tobi laughed, rubbing his shoulder in and awkward and embarrassed manner. "Why wouldn't I want to be your first right?"

Deidara nodded slowly, only half surprised that Tobi had read his mind.

"Well, I love that fact that I get to be your first; it really means a lot to me, more than you know… but, the thing is, this is going to hurt… a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it isn't easy to have to handle… well, nine inches your first time. It just isn't something that your body is going to like… but, I am asking you to bear with me. At a certain point, after the initial pain is over—and, I warn you, it is going to be practically unbearable—the pain will flip inside out and the agony will be warped into pleasure… you just have to trust me."

"I do." The words were true, Deidara realized with a shock. If Tobi had asked him to take a bullet at this moment, Deidara would have acquiesced immediately.

"Okay," Tobi sighed, pulling a small black bottle from his drawer. He popped open the cap and a clear fluid streamed out, pooling in Tobi's hands. He quickly rubbed the fluid along the length of his shaft, and pouring more fluid into his hand, he sat down beside Deidara.

"Bend over," Tobi instructed, "Get on your knees, face the headboard, and bend over."

Deidara obliged with hardly a second thought.

"Good," Tobi smiled, "Now I am going to have to prepare you for this; unfortunately, I can be rather… rough. However, I need to at least make sure you are ready."

Deidara gasped as Tobi began to rub the cold gel against his entrance. His body shivered in pleasure however, and Deidara wondered why Tobi said this was going to hurt. So far, the whole thing had been nothing _but _pleasure.

"Okay, here I go." Deidara bit down on his tongue, hard, as Tobi slid a single finger into his entrance. There wasn't any pain really, just a slight burning sensation, as Tobi's finger wriggled around inside him.

"Second one." This time, there was pain. Deidara whimpered as Tobi inserted a second finger, the two fingers spreading out, forcing his entrance to become wider.

"Are you okay?" Tobi asked, his words etched with worry.

Deidara could only nod; he didn't trust himself to speak. The pain was lessening now, but he still felt as if he would cry out should he try open his mouth.

"Okay." Tobi said, "Last one." Deidara felt tears burn in his eyes, and he bit down on his tongue forcefully, the iron tang of blood instantly surfacing. This wasn't ordinary pain. Any ordinary pain, you could usually suppress through sheer will and resolution. No, this was different. How could you suppress a pain when it only intensified every second?

Tobi's fingers snaked around inside Deidara, wriggling and moving like some vile spider dancing across its web, and Deidara began to imagine just how painful it would be to have Tobi's member inside of him.

If three fingers were bad, how was he supposed to handle Tobi's entire member?

_"I warn you, it is going to be practically unbearable—the pain will flip inside out and the agony will be warped into pleasure… you just have to trust me." _

Deidara repeated Tobi's words in his mind over and over. _Everything will be fine… you just have to trust him…_

"Alright," Tobi said, "That should be good. Are you ready?"

_Fuck no! _"Yes." Deidara said meekly.

"Okay, I will start off slow."

Deidara closed his eyes. He didn't want to see it coming; bracing himself for the pain would do nothing. His only goal was not to scream; he didn't want to cry out. Then, Tobi would probably stop; he cared too much about Deidara to hurt him.

No, this was something that Deidara had to bear through.

Deidara gasped as he felt the tip of Tobi's member press against his entrance. It began to slide inside Deidara with almost no resistance, no pain, and Deidara felt himself brightening up.

_That's it… I can handle this… I—_

The pain was indescribable; there was nothing on this entire earth that could have hurt more. And, due to the razor clarity given to him due to the passionate emotions flaring up in his heart, Deidara was completely aware of each screaming nerve ending.

Like he had promised, Tobi slid his member into Deidara slowly, but that didn't help in the slightest. In fact, it seemed to draw out the pain; Deidara felt the tears leak from his eyes, and he couldn't stop them. He felt light-headed, and black spots danced across his vision. He doubted he could suppress his screaming much longer.

Tobi moaned in pleasure. _Oh, how lucky you must be; your asshole isn't in hellfire. _"Damn…" Tobi groaned, his hands coiling around Deidara's ribs, "You are so fucking tight…"

_Gee? Really? I wouldn't have fucking guessed. I—AHH, FUCK—some of us just have all the luck…_

The pain seemed to slightly lessen, becoming almost bearable, and Deidara's light-headedness seemed to evanesce.

Tobi suddenly bucked up, forcing the rest of his member inside Deidara.

The scream forced its way past his lips in an unstoppable surge. Deidara momentarily blacked out; the new waves of pain forcing him back into consciousness like a cruel, unwanted friend. He knew he couldn't take much more of this; it was only a matter of time before he passed out.

Tobi began to slide his member in and out of Deidara; each motion of Tobi's hips sending fresh waves of agony coursing through Deidara.

_I… I-I can't do it anymore… I can't handle this pain. This is a nightmare—no, worse than a nightmare. This is a living hell._

"Alright, your body is getting used to it. Just give me a little more time."

_You have a second. You have a fucking second Tobi. If something doesn't change within the span of a second, I am going to pass out, and you will have to fuck a motionless body. Is that what you want? Huh? You want to fuck a corpse? Go for it… by all means…_

Tobi began to thrust deeper, his member forcing itself all the way inside Deidara again and again; waves of blackness threaded through Deidara's vision every time Tobi was all the way inside him. The iron tang of blood once again coated his tongue, and Deidara felt his entire body shaking with both terror and exhaustion; every single instinct telling him that his body wasn't going to last much longer…

Tobi thrust up inside Deidara again, more powerfully and deeper than ever before.

This was it. The pain had reached an entirely new level; it had gone above and beyond anything Deidara had ever felt, and probably ever would feel. His vision darkened, tears streamed down his face, and a blood-curdling screamed pierced the air.

And then just as the pain had come, it left, morphing and distorting into the most pleasurable and wonderful thing Deidara had felt in his entire life. A man involuntarily slipped from Deidara's tongue, and Tobi sighed in satisfaction. He had finally found the little bunch of nerves he was looking for.

Tobi thrust again, but this time Deidara groaned in pleasure; his body trembling and arching back into Tobi's thrust. The feeling of pleasure intensified, and Deidara felt drool leak from his lips.

How something so dark and twisted could ever morph into something so mind-numbingly fantastic was beyond him, but he wasn't about to question it.

Deidara sat up so that his back was pressed against Tobi's chest; Tobi's member seemed to force its way deeper inside of him, but he didn't care. Tobi's arms wrapped around Deidara, pulling him in, and Deidara's own arms were resting on Tobi's back, pushing his body forward.

Tobi picked up speed, each and every thrust managing to strike the little bundle of nerves that sent fresh waves of ecstasy roiling through Deidara's entire body.

Deidara began to breathe heavily as Tobi thrust even faster. Tobi was panting now, and Deidara's own member began to scream for attention.

Tobi stopped suddenly, pulling out of Deidara, and he rolled Deidara onto his side, placing one of his legs on his shoulder.

The change of position only further magnified the swells of pleasure that now blossomed from every single cell in Deidara's body. One of Deidara's hands found its way to his own member, and Deidara began to pump his hand in sync with the rhythm of Tobi's thrusting.

Deidara didn't even try to hold back his moans, sighs, and occasional screams of pleasure; all of this was new to him, and he didn't give a fuck who heard him.

Tobi picked Deidara up and slammed him back first against the headboard, his member driving itself up inside of Deidara.

Deidara let another small scream lip out; he knew he wasn't going to be able to contain himself much longer.

"T-Tobi…" Deidara panted, "I a-am going t-to…" Tobi ignored him, bucking up fiercely and driving his member even deeper inside Deidara.

Tobi slammed Deidara down onto the bed, his legs on either shoulder, and Tobi pounded inside Deidara with newfound fervor.

He couldn't hold it in a second longer; the feelings of pleasure blurred together, Deidara was no longer able to see his surroundings. The pleasure balled together, all of it spiraling down into his own member, and, just as his vision blurred completely and his slender body trembled as Tobi forced himself the deepest inside him that Deidara was sure was possible, Deidara lost his hold on both his reality and emotions and came; his body tightening and coiling up.

"FUCK!" Tobi screamed as Deidara's body tightened around his member. Tobi slammed Deidara down onto the bed, his legs Tobi thrust up one more time, his hands pressing down so hard on Deidara's hips that Deidara knew he would have bruises. Deidara screamed again as Tobi's member manifested itself inside his very core, and, as Tobi came inside him, they both collapsed; both the slender blonde and muscled raven panting heavily.

After a few moments, Tobi pulled himself out of Deidara, trashed the condom, and slumped down on the bed. Deidara coiled up into a ball, his body still shaking from the immense pleasure and pain it had just experienced. Tobi's arm wrapped around Deidara and pulled him in, and Tobi planted a quick kiss on Deidara's lip.

"Well," Tobi said between gasps, "What did you think?"

Deidara gave a weak chuckle in response. His body had never felt so heavy, so tired. He would go back to sleep, but it was still so early in the morning.

"I bet I was better than Kisame…" Deidara finally managed to choke out.

"Kisame who?" Tobi breathed. He embraced Deidara, and Deidara felt his problems dissolve into nothingness.

"So," Tobi said with a smirk as he sat up. "You ready for round two?"

* * *

**A/N: Woohoo. I updated in like two days... *dances, screams, twerks* ;) Did you enjoy the surprise lemon. Yes... yes I'm sure you did... You dirty, dirty people... Kidding though. Merp. It's early as fuck, and I am tired. So... I will keep this author's note short and sweet. I hope this chapter makes up for the previous word vomit I submitted, and I hope that some of you will stick with me. Also, as this was my first lemon, please tell me how I did, and, if you have suggestions, leave a review! Oh, and tell your friends to tell their friends to read my story .-. I lost a lot of followers :( Because I took forever to update. But that it's important now :D R&R. I love you all :3**

**SoleixDeidara**

**And since I've come home**

**Well my body's been a mess**

**And I miss your ginger hair**

**And the way you like to dress**

**Why don't you come on over**

**Stop making a fool outta me**

**Why do you come on over, Valerie. **


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